"Bitter Returns"
By: Ensign Monica Gainsborough
Ensign Kelzira Rax
Captain Matthew Salinger
Lieutenant j.g. Tchalla Mel'Chir
Lieutenant Derran Casey
Commander Lyrr Tayla
Ensign Kit Markham

Location: USS Sulu
Stardate 57911.11, 17h50

***

"Long range sensors are picking up the Rio Grande," Monica Gainsborough said from the science station.

"She's fully intact, Captain," Kelzira Rax added from the backup science station. "And, all hands reporting."

Matt Salinger nodded from the center chair on the bridge. He couldn't help stealing a look toward the tactical station. He couldn't pull his eyes from the two full pips on Lt. Taylor Bennett's collar. He finally managed to look away. It definitely wouldn't be the happy homecoming he would have hoped for.

***

Tchalla Mel'Chir turned away from the helm controls to face Commander Lyrr. "I have the Sulu on sensors now," she said. "They've given us permission to land in the main shuttlebay."

Lyrr sighed, struggling to mask her excitement. "Then take us in, Lieutenant. And open a channel to the captain. Hopefully he's not too annoyed with our absence."

Tchalla's blue fingers sped over the console, and then she grinned. "Channel open, Commander."

"Commander Lyrr," came the captain's voice, "it's good to have you and your team back." There was something he wasn't saying, something in the tone that suggested something had happened.

"Forgive our long absence, Captain," Lyrr replied. "Have we missed anything?"

"Looks like we've solved generations of conflict amongst the Castari," Matt answered. "We've almost got repairs made and should be able to get out of here within a day or two."

Lyrr smiled at her crew within the craft. "Then we're just in time." She looked ahead at the open shuttle bay door, waiting to accept them, and sighed. "It's good to be back, Captain."

"We've got the doors open for you, Tayla," the captain said. "I'll meet you in the shuttlebay."

She frowned momentarily. Being greeted by the captain upon their return? Chuckling, she replied, "Aye, sir." And raised her eyebrows at the shuttle crew. "A royal welcome, I suppose."

"I'll see you soon, Number One," Matt said. "Sulu out."

Settling in for the landing, Lyrr peered ahead through the viewport as Markham veered the shuttle on a straight course into the bay. He reduced speed and allowed the Gagarin to drift the remaining distance before setting them down with barely a jolt. Lyrr smiled. "Thank you, Ensign. The smoothest ride I think I've ever had."

"You're welcome, Commander," Kit Markham said with a smile back to Lyrr. "I aim to please, though I must say that most of the credit should go to my co-pilot." He could tell that Tchi was blushing under the praise, which earned chuckles all around.

"Who handled the shuttle very well herself," Lyrr affirmed and winked subtlely at the Andorian. "You all did well, truly." Her gaze found Casey's, informing him that he was not excluded from the compliment. "We wouldn't have gotten home safely without all of you."

"We couldn't have made it through without your leadership, Commander," Casey said earnestly.

Tchalla nodded. "He's right," she said.

Lyrr bowed her head in gratitude. "My only goal was to get you home. I'm glad I didn't disappoint." Before the moment could become any more uncomfortable, Lyrr rose from her seat and smiled tightly at her crew. "Let's go. We all have reports to write, so we'd best shower and eat before then."

As everyone began filing out of the runabout, Captain Salinger was standing just past the loading ramp, welcoming everyone home. To most, he would have appeared happy to see everyone safely home again. To those that knew him better, there was a grim resolve to his stance that clearly stated that everything wasn't right. As he saw Lyrr emerge, he nodded slowly and took a step forward. "Commander Lyrr, before you go get cleaned up, I need to have a few words with you."

She sighed and nodded stiffly, knowing what was coming. "Before anything, Captain, I take full responsibility for what happened and am prepared for any reprimand you see fit to give me."

"There won't be any reprimands," Matt said as he motioned for her to follow him to one of the offices along the side of the bay. "I've gone over the reports that came through with the probe and I'll be reading the reports submitted by the team. I'm confident that no reprimands will be needed."

"Thank you, Captain," she answered, somewhat perplexed. Lyrr paused until they entered the office, then asked, "Is there a problem, sir?"

"Please sit, Tayla," Matt said. He studied a stack of padds for a moment before turning to face her.

She looked sidelong at the chair, then shifted her wary gaze to Matt once again. "Captain...what's going on?" Still, she heeded his suggestion and seated herself.

Matt was silent for a moment as he watched her. "There's been...been a... Earlier this morning, Lt. Commander Benedict T'Kal was pronounced dead of a self-inflicted wound. I'm so sorry, Tayla. Ben's...he's dead."

Lyrr stared at Matt, dumbfounded, yet displaying no other sign of emotion. It was too surreal to be true, and Lyrr treated the news as such when she finally replied to Matt. "There's....there's some mistake." Her voice was steady and calm, but more blood was draining from her face by the second. "He wouldn't do that. He promised. There's...have you considered murder? Have you investigated?" She bolted from her seat with lips set thinly in determination. "I'll head the investigation, Captain. Ms. Bancroft will be my first suspect, of course." Then the pacing began, compulsive and strident, with Lyrr mumbling a plan of execution for her murder investigation, muttering and tapping her chin until her voice grew breathless.

"Tayla," Matt said turning in place to follow her pacing. "Lt. Bennett is already investigating the matter." He picked up a padd and started to hold it out to her, but it was obvious she wasn't ready for that yet.

"We should begin immediately before they flee to Castari Alpha. Yes...we should do that, Captain. That's what Ben would do. It's what--" And then Matt's composed, staid First Officer collapsed to her knees with a cry of agony and curled in on herself.

Matt moved to her, offering what comfort he could to the woman he wished he could call friend as well as Number One. "He left you a note," he whispered.

She clutched at the front of his shirt, muffling her loud sobs against his shoulder. A note? What could she possibly do with a note? It was hardly fitting replacement for the man she loved.

He set the padd aside, instead putting his arms around her as she clung to him. "I'm so sorry..."

"Don't be," she rasped, her anger coming through the tears. "He did this, not you. He chose the coward's way out. Don't apologize for that heartless bastard." Still, she wept with greater intensity and clung fiercely to Matt.

"What he did, it wasn't fair," Matt said. "To you or anyone. I know you loved him, and I'm sorry for what he did to you. You didn't need that."

"If I'd been here," she whispered, "I could've stopped him." Lyrr shook her head against his chest, spreading the tears upon Matt's tunic and staining it a dark red. "Why did I leave? Why was I so eager to prove myself to you?"

"Doctor Fletcher should have a report later this afternoon," Matt said. "I haven't read the message he left you. Maybe that has...something in it."

"No." Lyrr pulled away angrily, swatting at tears dotting her cheeks. "I don't care. That bastard lied. He made a promise and he lied. He lured me into falling in love with him" --her voice grew choked again and fresh tears spilled over-- "and then he did this."

"You didn't deserve this," Matt said. "What he did, I'm sure he had his own reasons for. But, his actions, they hurt a lot of people. I know some of what you're feeling, Tayla. And, I wish there was something I could do to take away the anger and pain."

"It's alright, Captain." She swallowed back her grief and rose tall. "I'll deal with this on my own. It won't interfere with my work - I promise."

"I'll be damned if you'll deal with this alone," Matt said. "You keep too much bottled inside and you don't let anyone in. If anything, Lyrr, let me in. Let me be your friend, so we can get through this together."

"I can't," she whispered, closing her eyes wearily. "Not now, Matt, especially not after this. I...I let Ben in, and now...this pain." Lyrr shook her head numbly. "I've done it before, Matt...I let myself open up and I was hurt. Now I'm in pain again... I've learned my lesson. I can't let you get close. I'm sorry."

"Don't even think of pulling that on me," Matt said. "If you even think of it, I'll make sure that Brennyn Scott never leaves you alone. Which do you think would be better therapy, Tayla? Being my friend, or sessions with Counsellor Scott?"

She narrowed her eyes briefly at Matt, involuntarily squeezing out more tears. "You wouldn't," she challenged.

"I most certainly would," Matt said. "Tayla, I'm not asking for you to love me, to marry me, or anything. I just want to be a friend, someone you can turn to when you need someone to talk to."

She nodded stiffly. "Granted...but I don't need anyone to speak to right now. I just...I need to be alone."

"Just make sure you're honest with yourself," he said. "Okay?"

Exhaling shakily, Lyrr promised with a bow of her head. "I'll need some time to collect myself before I'm seen in the corridors. I...I imagine everyone knows he's--" The word refused to escape her lips.

"Not everyone," Matt said softly. "And, take as much time as you need in here, Lyrr. I'll see that you're not disturbed."

She smiled tightly in gratitude. "I'll see you on the bridge, Captain."

"Of course," Matt said. "And, I know you may not feel the same, but it's good to have you back, Lyrr."

Her voice caught in her throat as Lyrr answered, "It's good to be back, Captain."

"If it's any consolation," Matt said, "when Tebrianne Bancroft found out, medical had to sedate her."

"So I'm holding up better," Lyrr concluded flatly. "There's pride in that, at least." She inhaled unsteadily and groped behind her for a chair to support her. "Now if you'll excuse me, Captain..."

Matt nodded and then slipped away to the door and out into the bay. He just hoped they could all hold everything together until they made it back to the wormhole. With a final glance back toward the room where Lyrr Tayla grieved, Matt found the confidence they'd make it, despite their adversity.

---