"Finding Truth"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
Lieutenant Saavar, Science

Location: Saavar's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.25, 00h20

***

Shirik stopped before his door. She sensed him on the other side of it, and knew he must already be aware that she was there, but she raised her hand to key the chime anyway.

She was somewhat nervous at the prospect of seeing Saavar again. The way they had parted had been unexpected to say the least. But she knew she had to see him, had to have this talk. She took a breath and let it out before the door opened, and stepped inside when it did.

Saavar was sitting on a cushion before his low table. He wore the typical metallic blue robe that she'd seen him wear a dozen times, and he was softly lit by the single flame emanating from his meditation lamp. He'd been deep in meditation, watching the flame dance from the small burnished copper lamp. He looked up when she stepped through the door and gave her a slight welcoming smile.

"Shirik," he said in greeting, "Please...sit," he indicated the other cushion opposite. "I am pleased at your return." His grey eyes watched her with no hint of emotion.

She realized as the door slid shut behind her that her heart was hammering. But as the calm of the atmosphere in the room seeped into her, she inclined her head in greeting and made her way to the table to settle herself on the cushion. She had expected a different reception, but then wondered to herself why. She turned her violet gaze to meet his, and studied his features. She had missed him. "It's good to see you again," she said evenly.

Saavar inclined his head minutely, his features composed in a typical Vulcan mask. "I sense your agitation," he said mildly. His hands rested in his lap, the metallic sheen of his robe caught the flickering candle-light and seemed to flow with varied hues of blue.

"I'm not agitated," she said quietly. "I was somewhat... nervous." She studied him in silence for a moment. It was almost like when they first met, when she would come to him for meditation lessons. Yet so much more had passed between them since then. What had happened since she left for the mission? Had he decided that his admission had been a mistake? Had he decided to cast aside emotion once more? When the door had opened, she'd had the urge to fling herself into his arms. Had he been standing in the opening and not seated on the cushion, she just might have. "How are you?" she asked lamely. She felt off-balance.

"I am well," the Vulcan replied. "Why were you nervous?" His arched brow raised slightly in the typical Vulcan way. His eyes were intent upon hers and the candle flame only showed a shadowed grey.

"I guess I just wasn't sure what sort of welcome I'd get," she said. "This mission has changed everyone, I'm still adjusting." Her voice was hushed in the darkness, and she folded her hands in her lap to keep them from fidgeting.

Saavar took a moment to consider her reply. "Yes. Our foray into the other universe has greatly affected all of us. A period of adjustment is expected. That is only logical." He gazed unperturbed into her violet eyes. "What manner of welcome were you expecting?" he asked softly.

"One a bit less.... formal, I suppose," she said, meeting his gaze.

He tilted his head a fraction, a slight smile touching his lips. "I see." He paused for a few seconds, gazing directly into her eyes. "Formality is often used by many cultures as a means of protection. Formality allows the introduction of rules to an exchange of communication that may otherwise be compromised by emotionalism or bias. I also was not certain of the manner in which I would be greeted. As you indicated, we have all been changed by our recent encounters. I was uncertain. We have much to discuss."

"I wasn't certain I would even make it back to give you any greeting whatsoever," she said. "But you were correct, we were successful." A small answering smile found her lips and she nodded. "Indeed." Her folded hands she brought out of her lap finally to rest them on the tabletop before her, feeling more relaxed now. "Where do you wish to begin?"

"I believe that the nature of our relationship has changed. In the beginning we were both satisfied with the extent of our sharing and level of attachment. In the intervening period between then and now, both of us have changed. I have been able, with your assistance to explore the emotional aspects of my mixed heritage. I have found it to be rewarding and also disturbing. I discovered in your absence that I suffered because of my emotional attachment to you. It caused disturbing uncertainties, distractions and emotional distress in relation to your possible demise. It was almost overwhelming. To function satisfactorily, I had to take steps to regain my composure." He studied her face for a moment as she digested his words. "I am relieved that you have returned. As your first considered action upon returning was to remain with Commander T'Kal in Sickbay, and you have delayed your meeting with me, it was only logical to assume that our relationship had changed further. More accurately, your relationship with Commander T'Kal had changed during your mission."

As he spoke, she too composed herself, inwardly seeking the calm she had come to find with the help of his lessons. When he finished, she nodded. "I have a small handful of friends aboard this ship," she said. "And two of them had ended up in sickbay after the mission. I chose to make sure they were safe and not in danger of dying before I came to see you." She wondered briefly if he were jealous, but dismissed that notion.

"As for my 'relationship' with Commander T'Kal, there never really was one, other than friendship. I think I simply had foolish hopes for something more." She remembered Caly's words to her earlier that evening, and knew she was right. "I have found the closure I sought. He is going to marry Lyrr Tayla, and even if he wasn't, he had Tebrianne and who knows how many others. I am moving on with my life. I wasn't being fair to you... and I'm sorry."

"There is no need to apologize. You did not hurt my feelings, Shirik. Having closure is a good thing. It was something that you had to arrive at yourself. It was logical that you did so. I am pleased that you have come to terms with your dilemma. Logic then brings us to our relationship. I know that you have concerns." He nodded and brought one hand to the table top. He extended it and also the index and middle fingers, curling his other fingers into his palm. It was an open invitation to meld.

She offered him a small smile as she unfolded her hands and slid one over the top of his, curling her fingers around his hand.

"The meld is presenting you with a dilemma of a different sort. You wonder if it influences your mind. The answer of course is yes; how could it not. However, the influence is only in that it allows a deeper sharing of identity. It breaks down the communication barriers. It allows for a more intimate sharing of needs and fulfillment. It does not make you do or feel anything that you do not want to do or feel." He gazed into her eyes and held them, his grey stare luminous in the flickering candle-light. "I have professed love for you. An emotional reaction and attachment that for me, holds both delight and fear. I did not intend to have that emotion. The meld did not make me create it, it only helped facilitate it. I feel for you. It is a part of my Romulan blood. Passionate, violent, strong. You feel it in the quality of the bond we share. You have ultimate control over your own emotions and desires, Shirik. The bond will not make you feel any emotion that is undesirable for you, neither will it allow you to feel emotions that you yearn for. It simply...is. It shows you who I am, as it shows me who you are. Now, I know the intimate you, and I find myself attracted to it. I feel that you too have an attraction, but you are trying to determine if it is not a product of your own mind. I can assure you; it is. What you feel is uniquely yours. The bond allows us no hiding place from each other. Remember, I was bonded to Xayella Tagliesh; it did not make me love her, nor did it make her love me. We were not compatible and the mental friction was unbearable. It is not so with you and I."

"But you weren't bonded for that long," she said, her voice still hushed. "You experienced the Blood Fever with me, not her. How do you know that your love for me isn't induced in some way? You've never loved, like me... How do you know what you feel is love?" She was afraid, cautious, not of him but of the strange telepathic link they shared. She had feared the Mind Sifters of Drokar all of her life, had witnessed the power telepaths can yield, and though she knew that Saavar would never intentionally harm or influence her, she knew nothing about how the bond worked, or what it did to the mind. She had no way to know if Saavar had been seduced by its power and only believed he loved her. And she was afraid that the feelings she did have for him might not be of her own creation. She wanted to believe him, wanted to not be afraid, but she couldn't, not yet. Her hand tightened slightly on his, and again the urge to throw herself into his arms came to her. She always felt safe and calm and comforted in his arms.

The touch of their fingers allowed the mental bond to establish itself easily. An intellectual determination of an emotion is defined by simple logic. I feel in the same manner as countless descriptions have portrayed the meaning of love in Terran, Bajoran, Trill and Romulan literature. Love has been described by every emotive race in the galaxy. I am not ignorant of what love is or means. I did not expect to directly experience the emotion, however, I do. I feel love for you. The Vulcan mind and blood bond does not make you feel emotion, Shirik. If it did, my race would have abandoned the bond as illogical. The very nature of Vulcans, as we seek to cast out emotion and pursue logic would demand that we abandon it as we abandon emotion. Saavar sat back, once again motionless, the only connection being their fingers lightly touching. I have a Romulan father, he thought. Romulan blood is passionate, emotive and full of unrestrained lusts; for power, conquest, mates...and that is part of who I am. Therefore logically, I am capable of feeling emotion as the Romulans do. As you do.

That much I know, she thought, her fingers lightly brushing the skin of his hand. I've always known you could feel emotions. But how do we define what we feel? How does one know that what they feel is love? I've observed that even humans and other emotive species sometimes don't know it. Neither of us has any previous experience with real love. How do you know what you feel isn't simply some sort of infatuation? She was calm, the bond always having a calming effect on her, but her questions were sincere.

An infatuation is characterized as a physical attraction, a feeling of lust toward the other. It is most often a very fast response without real knowledge of the object of the infatuation. On the contrary, love is a learned response that has more to do with intellectual, physical and emotional connections that transcend mere contact. Love is knowing the good and the bad about the other and accepting them as they are, without need to mould the other into something other than what they are. I know you, Shirik Lektar as you know me. We have bonded on many levels, not merely physically. I do not feel friction between us in the bond and like you, I feel a measure of calmness and comfort within it. We seem to complement each other. Given the opportunity, I would choose to remain as we are. If you choose to discontinue the bond, I will understand and comply. It is a choice which is yours to make. His grey eyes watched her, intent upon every nuance of her expression and body language as well as the shades of her mind and emotion.

Shirik let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding, her eyes on his as he spoke. For a time, she couldn't speak, almost awed by his words. That he could explain what love was so logically and easily when he'd never experienced it before surprised her, and filled her with admiration for the Vulcan. She could find no words to dispute him, on some level she knew he was right. If I chose to discontinue the bond, there would be few options to even do so... only one I know I could procure, and it would be a very dangerous one. I'm no longer sure what I want, or what I wish to do. So much has happened to me in the short time I've been on this ship, things I was completely unprepared to deal with. I need time to absorb them all, to heal, and come to terms with all that's happened. She spread her fingers to envelop his hand in hers. I am so fortunate to have you in my life...

The Vulcan smiled, and returned the grasp of her hand. I also am fortunate, he thought. You have all the time that you need, Shirik. Saavar drew her closer in the bond, opening his mind to share and in doing so enveloping them in a single mind that was greater than the sum of its parts.

---

"Sweet Dreams"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations

Location: Lektar's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.25, 03h05

***

She felt the wind in her hair, the sun on her face, and the warm body in her arms. Her violet eyes opened, and her lips curved upwards in a joyful smile as she gazed into the eyes that matched hers. His lopsided grin answered her and she laughed happily before pressing her lips to his in a hungry kiss, pulling him close against her. Her chest pressed against his, her hands roaming the golden tiger splayed across his back, and her eyes closed once more as she sank into the bliss of his kiss and his touch. "Gods... I love you..." she murmured as their lips parted.

Her eyes opened once more, and the smile on her lips twisted into a scream as the eyes before her no longer matched hers. The lopsided grin was a twisted malicious grin of evil as she looked into the face of Hadek. "I love you too, sweetie," he cooed, and laughed, leaning in to press his lips roughly to hers.

She struggled against him, turning her lips away from his and seeking to bite at him. He only laughed again, grabbing her wrists and pinning them to the ground as he kissed her roughly. His knee parted her legs and she twisted her head away to scream.

"NOOO!"

It was dark. The only sound she heard was her own ragged breathing as her eyes flew open. It was a moment or two before she became aware of the movement of her arm and hand, the kemla held in her grasp slicing the air, seeking a target. But there was none.

"Computer. Lights," she rasped out, and squinted around the empty room as the lights came up. She dropped the blade into the bed beside her and curled into a ball, covering her face with shaking hands as she began to cry.

It was some time before she was able to concentrate enough to begin meditation, concentrating on calm. But calm refused to come to her, and she slipped from the bedsheets to pad into the head. There she washed her face, the cool water refreshing her and banishing the remnants of her nightmare. She looked at herself in the mirror, her violet eyes red-rimmed from crying and lack of sleep. She was beginning to lose weight, she could see it in her cheeks. She let out a sigh and reached for the container with the pills Bree Scott had given her before the mission to the station. She had begun taking them to help her sleep, and they helped her get a few hours of dreamless sleep each night. It was better than none.

Pill in hand, she went to the replicator and ordered a glass of water to swallow it down with. She settled onto the sofa and stared out at the stars while she waited for it to take effect. She used to take comfort from looking at the stars, she used to find calm in watching them, now they were just stars, and there was nowhere she felt safe anymore. She closed her eyes, and when she opened them she was laying on the sofa, and her wake-up alarm was telling her it was time to get up and get ready for her shift. She'd had another three hours of sleep.

Her morning routine had changed as well. She got off the sofa, stretched her achy back, and headed for the fresher. A quick sonic shower, a mug of klaas, and a tasmos cigarette were breakfast, infusing her with the energy she'd need to do her job until shift end. Then she was out the door to face the day.

---

"Eyes Wide Open"
By: Captain Matt Salinger
Lieutenant Xayella Tagliesh
Counsellor Brennyn Scott

Location: Sickbay, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.25, 03h45

***

Inhale, exhale. Inhale, pause...exhale. Xayella had grown accustomed to the rhythm of Matt's breathing, even the slight irregularities that had caused her panic at first, but now became merely nuances after Talltree's reassurances that they were normal. She guarded Matt even more closely, though, and did so well into the night while fending off exhaustion. Only when the medical team arrived to insert his prosthetic replacement did Xayella leave the room. Although she should have been intrigued, as a scientist, in observing the procedure, Xayella was sickened at the thought alone of watching Matt's new eye going in. It was too much to handle now.

She would stay with him for however long it took to see his eyes open; she could never forgive herself if her face was not the first he looked upon. Already she felt she had failed him by being incapable of rescueing him before he could undergo the torture they had inflicted upon him. It was something she would struggle to come to terms with for a long time yet, especially if Matt didn't awaken soon.

When she was on the verge of surrendering to sleep, a slight pressure built up around her hand. Her drooping eyelids flicked open and her nodding head perked. It was then she realized the pressure was actually his hand finally squeezing hers back. Xay laughed softly. "Matt?"

Matt opened his eyes, though to anyone observing they seemed to only flutter open a touch. His lips curled slightly into a smile when he saw the bleary image filling his vision. It'd been so long since he'd seen her, so long since he'd regarded the face that had so captivated him, pulled him in, and allowed him to surrender his heart. "Hey," he said, his voice hoarse and cracking. "Not bad for the first thing I see when I open my eyes."

"Not bad?" she tried to echo indignantly. "I'd say this is the best damned sight you'll ever see." Grinning tearfully, Xay leaned over and kissed his chapped lips gently. "Welcome back," she whispered.

He returned her kiss as eagerly as he could. "Thank you," he whispered back. "I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was...when I was there...about how worried you'd be." He gripped her hand, holding her as tightly as he could and not wanting to let go. "I made it back...mostly in one piece."

"Mostly," she repeated ruefully. "You--" Xayella swallowed hard. "Matt...your eye..."

He closed his eyes, remembering the hour when he'd lost the eye. "He was so...so kind," he said. "At least in his manner. As he was torturing me, he was...it's like he thought I was his best friend, but really I was nothing more than a science experiment. He...he put it in a jar, I think. On his desk. It didn't hurt...at least, I didn't feel it. The..." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "I can see you...with both. A prosthetic?"

Xayella nodded. "Talltree says it might take some adjusting - you might experience some vertigo, some headaches for a while, but your vision won't be impaired." She lowered her head, saying nothing as she stroked his hand fondly. Her body was soon shaking with silent tears. "I'm sorry," she husked. "I tried...I tried to help you in my way...."

Matt reached out and tried to put an arm around her but only half succeeded. "I'm back now," he said. "And we're together again." He managed to get her hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss there. "You'll have to tell me about what I missed. I'm sure your version will be more interesting than the standard after-incident reports."

She chuckled thickly, though there was still sorrow perceptible in her voice. "Definitely interesting. Shyla Moreau...she was killed by an enforcer, then Ensign Sefton had a break-down and his mother finally popped a blood vessel. And" --Xay giggled wryly-- "T'Kal nearly strangled me to death. Oh, far more interesting than you can imagine, Matt."

"He what?" The other incidents were bad, but the idea that his chief of security was attempting to strangle another member of the crew, a senior officer no less, was very worrisome. "What happened?"

"Not really sure," she answered curiously, still half-sobbing and half-laughing. "Though, I can't remember now if it was before or after he slapped me." Xay shrugged. "Happened too fast."

Matt did his best to hold her to him. "We'll figure it out," he said. "But later. For now, I'm just happy to be alive, back on my own ship, and with the woman I love in my arms."

"Me too," she sighed, and slipped an arm across his waist as she nestled her head against his chest. "Well, one good thing that came out of this is you'll probably be restricted to bedrest." Xay grinned. "More time for us."

"I think I like the sound of that," Matt said with an enigmatic grin. "Though, I anticipate I'll have to deal with the other side effect of a traumatic experience."

Xayella's smile faltered, fearing he was referring to the emotional ramifications of his ordeal. "Oh?" She chuckled weakly. "And what's that?"

Matt pointed over Xay's shoulder. In the distance, but quickly approaching, was Counsellor Brennyn Scott. He flashed his lover a grin. "Counselling sessions."

Xayella groaned and sat upright. Pouting slightly, she looked over her shoulder at the counsellor drawing near. "Counselling sessions and unwelcome visitors," she amended.

He chuckled softly. "Well, on the bright side, the quicker I get through this part, the quicker I can be sleeping back in my own bed."

She winked at him. "Not without me, I hope."

"Definitely not," Matt said with a secret smile just for her. "Most definitely not."

When Bree reached Matt Salinger's bed, she smiled wanly at both Matt and Xay. "Hello, Captain, Xay. Sorry to break up the party, I just heard you were awake, and I wanted to come by and see you."

Sometimes she did feel like the nag that nobody wanted to talk to, but she knew she was doing her job and what she had to do, not just to ensure fitness for duty, but genuine emotional well-being. Scott cared for this crew a great deal, and she acted always from her heart. "I won't stay long, I just wanted to see how you were for the moment."

"Heard I was--?" Matt glanced at Xay, then back to Bree. If the counsellor had heard he was awake, she must have ears like a Ferengi considering that he and Xay were trying to keep it down. "Well, since you're here, I'm doing alright for now. I'm feeling mostly in one piece again, especially with the most important piece back in place." He gave Xay's hand a squeeze. "I'm feeling tired and a little scattered, but I'm...I'm alright." He forced a smile. "At the moment, I'm focusing on what I have here with me, and not on what happened. I'm sure you'll want to talk to me about that. When I'm back up and mobile?"

Bree noticed Matt's puzzled look and explained, "I left explicit instructions with medical to let me know when you awoke. I...I wasn't sure if that was going to be a pleasant experience for you, so I wanted to be sure I was here just in case." She smiled at Xay. "I see I had nothing to worry about. But if you're going to be here longer than a day or two, I'd really like to see you before you leave. I'll need to clear you for duty, naturally."

She had a desire to quit being so formal and official. "Again, I'm not trying to be a pest, but given your injuries...these things have a way of sneaking up on people, sir. I just wanted to make sure you knew you were covered no matter what happens." In his way Salinger was avoiding matters while looking for all the world as if he was fine.

"He's got me," Xay told the counsellor. "Of course he's covered. And if you need to speak to him, I hope you won't mind my sitting in. I plan on being here for everything."

Bree hesitated, not wanting to make a big deal of things now, but knowing that was not going to work right now. "Well, the counselor-client privilege is his to waive, not mine." She looked to both of them. "But I will tell you, I'm interested in working with you, one on one at first, sir. It's going to be difficult for Xay to hear some things I'm sure. And while you have every right to your feelings and opinions, Xay, I can't handle both of you right now. This will affect your relationship, and we'll work on that later, but if you want my professional opinion, I think it's best for the two of us to talk one on one first."

"And I think it's best if I stay," Xay challenged.

Scott was not going to be baited. Bree turned to Salinger. "I've told you how I feel, sir, but as I said, it's your privilege to waive. If you want her there and you think she can listen and just sit quietly, then fine. But I reserve the right to ask her to leave if I feel it's not working for either of us, or if she fails to abide by the rules I put forth."

"At this point, I think it's best," Matt broke in, "if we settle this matter another time. I would really prefer if we didn't try to do this right now, before I'm even able to get out of my bed."

Translation? I don't want to annoy both of you so I'll put off making a decision about it for as long as I can. Bree couldn't exactly blame him. There was no sense worrying about it now. "I understand, sir. When you're ready, I'm here. Get some rest."

Xay whispered something to Matt as Bree was leaving, and next she was striding alongside the counsellor with a hand gently on her arm. "He may not want to talk," she said quietly, glancing towards Matt's closed room. "But I want to do this, Counsellor - not for me, but..." Xayella sighed. "I know he seems alright, but if he isn't...I don't think I'll know how to handle it."

Scott turned to her, her voice soft and gentle. "That's why I'm reluctant to have you sit in..." She sighed, "I know Matt loves you, Xay, and I know he would do anything to spare you pain, including keeping his own pain from you. But if he's going to work through this, he can't keep all of that inside. He was humiliated and made to feel helpless, two things no one, especially a man and a Starfleet Captain, ever wants to feel. I'm afraid he'll be too ashamed to admit those things if you're present, and he has to in order to deal with this. Maybe in time he'll speak to you about it, but in the meantime, he needs to get it out in a place where he feels he can. Perhaps you and I can talk privately about how you can handle this and help him? That way you're doing something to alleviate your own concerns and it won't appear as if we're hovering over him. You can comfort him automatically and it'll stay between you."

"But--" Xayella desisted. Matt's needs were greater than her own in this situation; no matter what she thought was best for him, Xayella truly knew nothing at all. Such impotency frustrated her. "Fine," she sighed. "I'll...do things your way this time. But if I find out you're pushing.."

"Yeah, yeah..." Scott replied sarcastically, "revocation of my license, death, destruction, I get it. You know, you and Lyrr need to get new lines."

Scott sighed. "Seriously, this won't be easy for him, but a big part of his recovery will be getting him to talk about things he may not want to remember or speak of. Just know that I won't do anything to harm his recovery. You can expect his nightmares to increase at first, only because we'll be bringing memories and feelings to the surface that he'll be trying to make sense of in his own mind."

"Nightmares?" Xay appeared apprehensive. "I'm afraid for him. I...I don't know if he can handle this."

This time it was Bree's turn to place a hand on Xay's arm. Scott knew what Tagliesh was really speaking of, and attempted to address it tactfully. "He survived the torture, I imagine he is strong enough to handle the recovery. Try not to worry, Xay, we'll be there to help him come to terms with this, and you and I are going to support each other, right?"

"In this?" Xay smiled faintly. "Most definitely. I'd suffer even your pestering for Matt."

Brennyn laughed. "I think I'll take that as a compliment, Xay."

"You should," she assured her. "It's as close to one as you'll get." Tipping her head at the counsellor, Xay stepped back. "I should check on him. Good night, Counsellor...and thank you for stopping by." She didn't linger long enough to await the counsellor's acknowledgement.

---

"Risky Endeavours"
By: Captain Matthew Salinger
Commander Lyrr Tayla

Location: Captain's Ready Room, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.25, 08h45

***

"They'll have to be kept under close scrutiny," Commander Lyrr told him, one arm slung across her stomach to prop up the opposite elbow, while her chin rested pensively on a fisted hand. She was too restive to remain seated and had, long ago, moved to stand before the viewport. Dr. M'lira would likely not appreciate how agitated the meeting was making her - she would insist it was impeding her recovery. With a sigh, Lyrr brusquely turned to face Captain Salinger. "Why so soon? Why at all! They're prisoners - they should remain in the brig until we can transfer them to a Starfleet detention facility."

With a flick of a finger, Matt Salinger sent a padd spinning across his desk until it came to rest with one corner hanging out over the edge. "Why now? To ease the burden on our crew. When Commander Zareb leaves the ship, we're going to have two flight control officers filling three shifts. We've lost crew, and...and the crew is stressed and strained enough as it is." He sat up and his eyes bore into her, the new artificial one having difficulty focusing, nearly distracting him. He'd have to have that checked into. "I have to believe that there is some way these people can be redeemed, Lyrr. I have to believe they're not all like T'Briane and...and The Doctor. That universe, it was terrible and tragic, but I can't believe that the people there are inherently evil.

"I'd like to work with Lieutenant Commander Tebrianne on this," he continued. "She knows the people in the brig, and I believe we can trust her judgment on who might be suitable to fill in some of the vacant spots on the Sulu."

"And let them wander the ship?" Lyrr shook her head incredulously and now folded both arms tightly across her chest. "Some of them are trained killers. How do we know they won't behave to lull us into complacency, then plan a revolt?"

"Their every movement is going to be watched," Matt answered. "Their work will be double-checked. If we allow ourselves to be lulled into complacency, then it's our own fault. I'm putting you in charge of making sure we don't get complacent." He leaned forward. "We will, however, have to treat them like people, not like criminals. If we reinforce the negative emotions, we'll just hold them back. Before she leaves the ship, Lieutenant Commander Bancroft will find us the officers we need based on her experiences, we'll let counselling go over them, we'll let T'Kal interview them. We'll make sure we know who we're dealing with. It's not like we're just going to open up the brig and show them off onto the ship."

Lyrr slid into her chair, leaning forward to mirror Matt's posture. "And what about those from T'briane's personal guard? You know how dangerous they are."

"Of course," Matt said. "We'll do an assessment of those we have in custody. Those who we deem most dangerous and likely to turn against us, they'll remain in cells until we deem otherwise."

Lyrr gaped. "Even those of T'briane's elite? Captain, I cannot let you do that, I'm afraid. They have sworn loyalty to her - more than the others. They should not be released under any circumstances."

Matt nodded. "Very well," he said. "They're too dangerous to let out. But the others, we can evaluate and put to work if they're suitable and don't pose a threat to this ship or crew."

"You know many won't be accepting," Lyrr mentioned to him. "The integration should be a slow one - confine them to quarters while they undergo daily assessments and screening by the counsellors, let them out once a day for a short period, get the crew used to their presence, then allow them to attend a duty shift under close supervision and guard."

"Full counselling assessments before they serve a minute of duty," Matt said. "During their duty shifts, they'll be required to work under the supervision of another. Their locations on the ship will be monitored at all times with a subcutaneous transponder. Those who are released will be housed in different areas of the ship, that way it is less likely for them to organize...should they prove less than honourable. We'll restrict them from high priority areas and systems, such as the warp drive and tactical systems, as well they will not be allowed on the bridge. Suitable?"

Lyrr tapped an index finger deliberately against one forearm, staring at the gleaming surface of Matt's desk. She halted and shook her head. "Weekly performance reports," she told him. "A curfew of ten minutes after their duty shift has ended, unless they are under the supervision of a Starfleet officer, during which they will have a curfew of half an hour after duty shift." Lyrr sat up swiftly, and watched Matt with a stern, penetrating gaze. "And one strike, Captain, one indiscretion and they're back in the brig permanently. You must grant that. I can tell you now Lieutenant Commander T'Kal will not agree with this, and if he even suspects they're up to something, he will not waste any time tossing them in the brig." She smiled thinly. "You'll no doubt be receiving a strenuous objection from him the moment he hears of this."

"I am well aware of what Lieutenant Commander T'Kal's reaction to this will be," Matt said. "His objection will be noted. If any member of the Sulu crew is caught persecuting any of those former Windsor crewmembers who are working for us will spend twenty-four hours in the brig for their first offense as well as a permanent notation of conduct unbecoming in their service records. I know there will be hard feelings, people will want to lash out...and any lashing out will be dealt with...severely. We are Federation citizens and Starfleet officers, and better than pettiness and retribution."

Lyrr nodded in complete agreement. "There will be hard feelings, though," she pointed out. "Especially by those most affected by the enforcers, those who encountered their painsticks. For their own sakes, I suggest you order them to at least one counselling session. It isn't healthy to let things like this fester, especially if their former tormenters are walking about."

"I'm going to order the entire crew to at least one counselling session...well, except maybe Sam," Matt said. "It may make things tough for a bit in counselling, but I don't think anything would make Counsellor Scott happier. There will be hard feelings, but people will have to get past their pain, ignorance, and anger. Just look at the number of former enemies who are now allies or at least on somewhat friendly terms. We can get through this, and we can heal from the wounds...without resorting to violence ourselves."

She mulled over his sentiments in silence, studying Matt closely. Her voice softening, Lyrr asked, "And you? You were tortured brutally, Captain. Will you be able to sit by and watch as those figuratively wielding the tools that cost you your eye roam your ship freely?"

"I'll have a more difficult time looking Dr. Potts in the eye than any of the Enforcers. I don't hold the Enforcers that are here on the ship to blame for what happened to me. I don't blame them for the situation we were in. T'Briane took us captive and The Doctor tortured me. Perhaps some of the crew was harassed by those we now hold prisoner. But it's unreasonable to hold them all guilty for the crimes of their comrades. One person from that universe tortured me, not all of them. I blame the individual who chose to act as he did, not those who had the misfortune to have lived in the same universe as him."

"I agree," Lyrr responded. "I just wanted to make certain you weren't doing this to exact revenge. What better way to do so than to recruit them into a position where you can dominate by your authority as this ship's captain? It would prove very empowering, Matt...I know I might want to do the same if someone had rendered me weak and vulnerable, then tortured me to no end." She sighed. "It's alright if you feel that way...but just don't let it blind your judgement."

"I don't feel that way though," Matt said. "The people on this ship, they're just T'Briane's soldiers. They were given orders, they came over here and they followed them. They come from a brutal, sadistic society, and pain and suffering is all they know. I don't blame them, I don't want to dominate them. I want them to realize that I view them as sentient individuals, just as I do any being on this ship. But, we just need to be careful with them."

Lyrr smiled. "Very careful. I'll drop by Ops and see about quarters for them. It couldn't hurt, as well, to have surveillance devices installed in their rooms, as well...for now."

"It may take a few hours for that," Matt said. "They can stay in the quarters with Tebrianne for now since we already have it rigged for surveillance. Once their quarters are ready, we can have security move them."

Exhaling slowly, Lyrr rose and took a moment to let the glittering darkness invading her vision pass. She thought it best to make a stop at her quarters for a nap after her visit to Ops. "If you like, I can also talk to Ben about this...unless you want to break the news yourself."

Matt shook his head. "No," he said. "I should be the one to talk to him. And, I want his input on security measures to keep track of those we release. I also don't want any of the Enforcers working in security. If they have other skills we can utilize, then fine. But, I don't want to put former Enforcers in a security role. Engineering, science, or operations. And, always monitored."

Lyrr smirked. "I hope they won't mind the invasion of privacy. They certainly didn't care when they were invading ours." With a crisp nod, Lyrr stepped out of Matt's Ready Room, feeling slightly more confident of his decision than when she had first walked in.

As Matt watched Lyrr leave, he turned back to face the viewport. He couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief. The biggest obstacle to his project had been overcome, now he just needed to get over that second hurdle. He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was confident he would manage. He wouldn't fall prey to violent, negative emotions as others had. He would get through this in a positive, healthy manner. He smiled at the thought that he was pretty much following the same sort of advice given to Grixble Flummux to help combat his fears...address them. He sighed again, feeling better already.

He tapped open a communications channel. "Captain Salinger to Commander T'Kal. Please report to my Ready Room."

---

"Reluctance"
by Captain Matt Salinger
and Lt. Commander Benedict T'Kal

Location: Captain's Ready Room, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.25, 10h50

***

Matt Salinger gestured to the seat across from him as Commander Benedict T'Kal entered his office. He'd told Lyrr he'd take care of this part, and he intended to go through it, knowing the reservations T'Kal would have.

"Commander," he said with a smile, "can I get you anything? Tea, coffee?"

"No thank you, sir," Benedict said as he stopped before the large desk and assumed an at-ease stance.

Salinger regarded T'Kal from over his desk, gauging where to start. After a moment, he made his decision and decided to just come out with it rather than dealing with some small talk first. "Commander, how well do you trust Commander Bancroft?"

"Tebrianne and I were involved in a relationship, sir." He considered the answer carefully before continuing. "Prior to her disappearance, I would have said that I trusted her completely. She's been in the Alternate Universe for five years; that can change people. I trusted her to rescue you. Why do you ask, sir?"

"I'll answer that question in a moment," Matt said. "Do you believe that she's changed while there? To the point where she's a danger to this ship or crew? Do you believe she would want to return to that universe, or want to wreak any sort of havoc here on the Sulu or in this universe?"

"No, sir, I do not believe that she would do that. I trust Tebrianne. I am simply trying to be objective. I have no idea what she went through over the five years. We haven't discussed anything much. There hasn't been time. She's the best pilot I've ever seen and with Lieutenant McKenzie's death she could easily take his position.

"The concern I have, sir, is that the crew do not trust her. She wore the enemy's uniform, and was supposedly in charge of the Enforcers that were on the Sulu. There are elements within the crew that still see her in that way. She will have to earn their trust. She has informed me that she intends to accompany Commander Zareb on the Nightingale to return to the Alpha Quadrant." Benedict looked down at the desk top as he said, "She is still in love with me, sir. We were going to be married before she died...now that I'm in a relationship with Commander Lyrr it makes the situation difficult for both of us. It would be better for Lyrr and I if she left Sulu, however objectively, you could not hope to get a better pilot than Tebrianne. I find myself in a difficult position..." He looked up at Salinger. "A clear conflict of interest, sir."

"Perhaps," Salinger said with a nod. "However, of all the crew on the ship, you know her best and are closest to her. I figure if there were any duplicity to her actions, you of all people would have the best chance of noticing, especially considering your unique...connection with her. While she was in command of the ship, she made log entries and she mentioned the bond she shared with you."

"That's true," Benedict nodded.

Salinger stood and moved to the replicator, ordering a tea while he was there. He wasn't thirsty, but it was something to do. As the beverage shimmered into existence, he absently rubbed at his left eye then realized what he was doing and quickly pulled his hand away. He turned back to T'Kal. "She led the team to rescue me from that ship. Without her, I don't know if there was any chance of me being rescued. In that sense, I owe her my life." He returned to his chair and sat. "I want to trust her, to assume that she's still a Starfleet officer and Federation citizen at heart, and could no more betray the Federation than you or I. I want to be able to trust her judgment.

"I'm going to be doing something I know you're not going to like. With Tebrianne's help, I want to try to transition some of the former Windsor crew in to pick up some of the slack in areas where we've lost people." He held up a hand as T'Kal began to protest. "I'll need your assistance to make certain the highest level of security is maintained. Before anyone is set to work, there will be full medical, psychological, and security interviews. Their quarters will need to be monitored, and they won't be working unsupervised. Those they work with will have to be carefully selected...personalities that won't cave under pressure should they receive any. None of T'Briane's elite will be let out, only those who have skills in areas we can use a little help in."

Benedict's clenched jaw gave an indication of the turmoil that the suggestion created. "You are correct in your assessment, Captain - I don't like it one bit. They are a security risk. Who's to say they won't try to take the ship back or release their shipmates. I trust Tebrianne - but I won't under any circumstances trust any of the others. They have been raised in a way of life completely opposite to our own. They advance through treachery and deceit! I realise that you have a different perspective on the human condition, Captain, but in this case, where the security of this ship and crew are quite clearly my responsibility as Chief of Security, I do not intend releasing any of them any time soon. The crew's reaction to such a thing would be disastrous. We haven't buried our dead or had time to mourn them. Letting any of them out would be rubbing salt into an open wound. The brutality of the death of Shyla Moreau has had a significant impact on many of the crew. Lieutenant Tagliesh's rape did likewise. Although that was a sham, the crew in general do not know that it was a trick to get a man killed. Counsellor Chambers and Ensign Lektar were almost raped. Ensign Lektar was tortured with a pain-stick and her hair cut off by a man demanding that she consent to unwanted sexual advances. Lieutenant Saavar was beaten almost to death in her defence. Lieutenant McKenzie was beaten to death. Crewman Lucas was used as an example on how a pain-stick worked in front of the entire crew. Chief Boothroyd and Ensign Sefton had to witness the brutality of a pregnant woman beaten to death with a spanner in engineering.

"For the survival of those prisoners, Captain, and the best interests of the crew, I do not agree with releasing them in any form. If Counselling is to assess their suitability to adapt to our way of life, then allow them to do so under controlled circumstances. I would imagine several weeks would be adequate time to assess these prisoners. The ship requires major repairs and we will have to seek assistance for that. Until things are back to normal and the crew in a more stable frame of mind, I would not recommend allowing the prisoners any kind of freedom. Remember, sir - this crew were under surveillance and strict controls while we were captive - we succeeded in taking back the ship. Do not underestimate the enemy, Captain - they are the enemy to every man and woman on this ship. That includes Tebrianne Bancroft - she won't be trusted for a while yet."

Salinger flicked the corner of the padd sitting before him on the desk and let it spin its way to the other side of the desk. He indicated it with his eyes. "That's a list of all the prisoners we have on board," he said. "I want you to go through and mark those prisoners who were specifically and directly responsible for the atrocities you've just mentioned."

"I have already accomplished that task, sir. A full report with charges for a Starfleet trial is being prepared by Ensign Essex. My concern is the intangibles, sir: crew morale. Their reaction to the release of any prisoner who will be seen as one of them will not be pleasant. To ask any of them to join the crew would be premature. I can understand the requirement to fill personnel gaps left by the deaths of crew members. I understand the need to get things back to normal swiftly.

"The crew were put under severe conditions while we were in captivity. Many of them wore slave collars that were used to demonstrate cruelty or for the amusement of sadistic guards. There is a very high level of resentment toward the prisoners. I cannot guarantee their safety outside of the brig. If you are set on this course of action, Captain I would strongly suggest that you wait until that level of resentment is reduced. Paranoia is rife amongst the crew. Allow them to settle back into routine. Let them find their feet again and get back to thinking rationally.

"Right now everyone is still on edge. I would ask Counsellor Scott for her assessment before proceeding with this. Right now, those who did or did not commit acts of cruelty against the crew just won't be recognized. This ship is one big family, sir - and this family is mourning the loss of brothers and sisters who died gaining them freedom from a life of slavery in some Dilithium Mine in the Alternate Universe."

"The people of that universe can't help what they are, what they were forced to become by circumstances," Matt said. "This is our opportunity to show them another way, a chance at a life that they never could have had there. I will not tolerate blind hate and prejudice on my ship, and I cannot believe anyone who would condone such feelings. Those are the very reasons conflicts last far longer than they should, cultural animosities create rifts that take generations to heal. I want this healing process to begin as soon as possible, which is why I'm beginning this now. Tebrianne will be selecting two of the former Windsor crew who she believes have the best chances of working with the crew here. Once she's selected them, they will be interviewed by counselling, by security, and by Commander Lyrr and myself. And any Sulu crew caught persecuting any of the Windsor crew will spend twenty-four hours in the brig for a first offense. Those who cover for such a violation will receive a harsher punishment. We're not putting them straight to work, Ben. There will be a period of integration, and it will all be closely monitored and checked. And, we're not releasing all of them at the same time."

"I understand what you are trying to accomplish, sir, but I would still wait until we've had time to bury our dead. It's not blind hate and prejudice, Captain. The crew have solid reasons to feel the way they do. They won't see it your way unless you give them time to heal. While those chosen by Lieutenant Commander Bancroft are being vetted for suitability, the processing will take place within the Brig and the security offices. When Lieutenant Scott certifies them fit for duty and no threat to the safety of this ship, then I will allow them into crew quarters. I do not intend risking the ship or crew to spare them any comforts.

"It's true that they are unfortunates from another universe, Captain - but that place was a mirror opposite to ours. There has to be something in their basic natures that permitted their whole society to be the way it is. It is quite probable that their intrinsic natures will resist our way of life. Their whole lives have conditioned them to act a certain way. They won't change in the short term, Captain. They will still seek to manipulate and scheme their way toward what suits them."

"We don't have enough information to prove that for a certainty," Matt said. "All we have is what we observed and that was under extreme conditions. Perhaps they're all cruel and heartless, but that's what the interviews will take care of. The first subjects will be moved to quarters we can observe. It will separate them from the rest of their crewmates and help them to transition away from the life they knew in that universe. They will be injected with a subcutaneous locator that will allow us to track their movements everywhere they go, and if it's removed from the body it stops transmitting...so we'll know if it's tampered with. We have to extend an offer of tentative trust to them, Commander. If we treat them like scum and prisoners, that's what they'll be. If they're going to be something better, they have to be treated like something better."

Benedict knew from his tone that Salinger had made up his mind regardless of any input from his senior officers. The crew were not going to accept them as readily as Salinger demanded. It was fine to have lofty ideals but they had to be tempered with a smattering of reality. The prisoners were enemies; that's the way they would be viewed by the crew. Putting them in quarters would mean somewhere in officer quarters, so right away they were more preferentially treated than the average crewman.

"When is this transition to take place, Captain?" Benedict asked with a stony expression.

"Lyrr and I will still need to discuss the situation with Commander Bancroft," Matt said. "You may be present for that meeting if you wish. If you'd prefer to decline attending, I understand. I anticipate it should be happening within the next several days, once we're underway toward a repair facility and while we still have Commander Bancroft's insights into the Windsor crew."

"Aye, sir. There is no reason that I should decline attendance," he nodded.

"Very well," Matt said. "We'll have the preliminary meeting with Commander Bancroft tomorrow morning at 09h00, and proceed from there."

Benedict nodded. "Aye, sir." He looked across the desk at Salinger and took in his appearance. He couldn't tell that one eye was a prosthetic but he'd seen the man rub at it unconsciously. "We'll have a problem soon with the other prisoners. The ship can't support so many extra bodies in her present condition. The cells aren't equipped for long term occupancy."

"Once we reach a repair facility, we can reassess what to do with them," Matt said. "For now, we're really in a position to do nothing more than keep them aboard. If we can convert other space on the ship to temporary brig space, we can also look into that."

"I'll have a word with Commander Sam," Benedict replied. "If you don't mind me asking, sir...how are you?" It was a personal question, and Benedict knew that he'd been tortured and abused while aboard the Windsor. That could change a man, but Salinger seemed normal; as if it had never happened.

Matt hesitated a moment before answering. He didn't want to burden his security chief with the sordid details of his dealing with what had happened, but he knew that if he remained too closed off to his crew...suspicions would arise. "All things considered, I'm doing alright. They're not quite finished with my eye, and I think I'll have to go back again later for some re-adjustments." He sighed and met T'Kal's gaze. "As long as I don't give myself time to dwell, I'm fine. Sleeping...hasn't been easy, but I'm managing. I got something from M'lira to help with that." He forced a smile. "And, I'm meeting with Counsellor Scott at the beginning of Beta shift."

Benedict nodded and returned Salinger's smile. "Bree is good to talk to, sir. I've found her insights helpful myself. I've had to attend counselling a few times...I've come to rely on them, sir. As you can imagine.. with my past and with other complications...I know that they help." He looked at Salinger seriously, "If there's anything I can do...just ask, sir."

"Thank you, Ben," Matt said with a genuine smile. "I'll keep that in mind."

Benedict nodded. "Maybe we could catch that game of hockey sometime," he said with a grin. "Without the women."

"I'd like that." A game of hockey would be a good distraction, and it'd give him time to spend some off-hours with his security chief. "Once we're through all these repairs and have some free time, we'll have to schedule a night."

Benedict nodded in agreement. "Yes sir," he smiled, "I have a department meeting to get to. I'll make the security arrangements with Lieutenant Casey. I'll assign him the duty of taking care of the candidates that are chosen by Commander Bancroft."

"Thanks, Ben," Matt said with a nod. "I'll talk to you later. And, when you get a free moment, I'd like a report on our current tactical capabilities and estimates for when we'll back to nominal levels."

"Yes, sir, it will be done shortly. Lieutenant Hex is compiling the damage assessment to our tactical systems and has been assured by Lieutenant Thaine that tactical systems have first priority for repair after life support. I've already compiled a threat assessment. We have nothing on long range sensors, but they were degraded by fifteen percent. There's no sign of the Seeblin vessels from our previous encounter."

"Good," Matt said. "Keep me posted on the repair progress. While everything may appear quiet now, I don't want to find out too late we're sitting in the calm before the storm."

With that, Matt dismissed T'Kal and they exchanged a few brief words on meeting later in the day once shifts were finished and repairs were further along. Once the security chief was gone, Matt turned his attention back to reports and getting the ship and his life back in order before M'lira came down on him and ushered him back to his quarters for more rest.

At least things were starting to return to a somewhat normal state. A few more days, and perhaps everything would be business as usual.

---

"Engineers and Sausages"
Lieutenant Mark Thaine, Chief of Engineering
CPO Calyca Boothroyd, Engineering Crewchief

Location: USS Sulu, Main Engineering, Thaine's Office
Stardate: 57910.25, 12h30

***

She was dressed in a uniform and sitting on the sofa like nothing was out of the ordinary. And there wasn't really. Save for the covered dish and tray resting on her lap, Watson perched on her shoulder, and several other spiders attached to her clothing and trying unsuccessfully to look like inconspicuous ornaments. She plucked 007 off her comm badge and settled him elsewhere before tapping it gently.

"Boothroyd to Petty Officer Blacksby, are you ready?" she asked quietly.

"Aye, ma'am. Just give the word," the transporter officer responded.

"Very well then. Let's do this," she told him. "And I hope you checked the coordinates because if you dump me on the floor I--" The rest of her words were lost in the blue haze of the transporter beam as Calyca disappeared from her quarters and reappeared in Thaine's office, perched perfectly on the chair in front of his desk.

The smell of hot sausages began filling his office as she leaned forward to settle the tray on his desk and then lightly tapped her commbadge again. "Boothroyd to Blacksby. Thank you, Mister Blacksby. Your coordinates were perfect," she commended him.

"Aye ma'am. It's been my pleasure," the Petty Officer replied. "Just give us a holler when you're ready to go back."

"I will, and thank you again." Boothroyd settled back in the chair and looked around Thaine's office for a moment before lightly touching her commbadge again.

"Boothroyd to Thaine. Sir? It's Booter. If you're not busy could I see you in your office?" she asked calmly.

"Booter?" responded the Chief Engineer, his gruff baritone showing signs of surprise, but the possibility of pleasantly so. "What're you doing out of sickbay?"

"Most likely misbehaving, sir," Caly answered promptly. "But ultimately making room for those more in need of the gentle ministrations of our medical staff."

There was a pause on the other end of the comm-link. "Alright. I'll be there in five minutes. Thaine out."

Caly fidgeted while she waited. She rubbed her hands back and forth over her thighs, plucked at the hem of her shirt, adjusted one of the spiders and reached over to make sure the tray was firmly on his desk. Then she moved some of his padds around, straightening them into a neat pile and then squirmed in the chair in an effort to get more comfortable. She was in the process of straightening her shirt for the tenth time when Thaine finally arrived.

The Chief Engineer's gaze wandered from Booter, to the tray of sausages on his desk, and back to the Chief Petty Officer. There was a look of faintly amused surprise. "Dammit, Booter," he said, as he came in, and shut the door. "I wasn't serious!" There was a light chuckle in his voice.

"Of course not, sir," Caly grinned up at him, looking fairly relaxed if a bit on the pale side. "But you gave me a craving for the damn things and I didn't think I should suffer through them alone," she teased. "Besides, it's the job of a good chief to make sure his, or her, CO does not want for a good sausage."

Thaine's low chuckle resounded about the office as he moved to sit in his chair across from Calyca. They died gently away as he lifted his eyes to meet hers. "How're you feeling?" he asked. "I hear you've been having a rough time of things."

Caly studied his face for a moment before answering. "A little raw, sir," she admitted with a faint smile. "But I'm tough. I'll survive." She didn't sound as tough as she used to. "The nightmares are the hardest, I think. But they're supposed to go away in time."

Thaine nodded, slowly, leaving things unsaid between them, but necessarily so. "You'll be wanting to get back to work then?" he asked.

Caly nodded. "Anything you can give me to do helps pass the time," she smiled a bit. "The docs don't know how long it'll be before I'm back to full duty."

"I was thinking 'bout setting you up a work-station in your room," said Thaine. "If you feel up to doing some tinkering with any small stuff we can send you down, or looking over some upgrade specifications command sends across..."

"That sounds perfect, sir," Caly smiled. "The more the better. Being idle isn't something I do well," she told him. "If you don't put me to work I'm liable to take my quarters apart and put them back together again."

"I was afraid of that," responded Thaine, without even a trace of humour. "While the repairs are still under way, I can't spare many people, but I'll try and get a temporary station in your quarters set up. Once the repairs are done, we'll put something more permanent in. If you're not back on your feet by then. How's that?"

Calyca nodded. "Perfect. Thank you, sir... And you know...that if you need me onsite, I can be there. I'm just not fully mobile," she smiled a bit. "At any rate, I can wait until we have the people to spare."

Thaine nodded. "Good. And unless you've got anything else...I suppose you're dismissed." He paused, as they looked at each other across the tray of sausages. "Booter, how the blazes did you get in here, anyway? That guy of yours pick you up and carry you?"

"Jurell?" she smiled a little and shook her head. "No, sir. I've been shamelessly using Petty Officer Blacksby. It's good practice for him and he's becoming very proficient at beaming me exactly where I need to be and not dumping me on my ass...er...rear, sir."

"How long have you been in my department, Booter?"

Caly blinked at the unexpectedness of the question. "About three months now. Since we entered the Gamma Quadrant."

"That's long enough for you to say 'ass' when we're in private. Just don't let the rest of the brass know. Clear?"

She laughed at that, a soft chuckle really. "Aye sir. Loose lips and all that," she smiled.

"Right. Well, are you gonna call Blacksby now, and let me get on with my lunch?" The Chief Engineer's brown eyes were readable enough to let Booter know his gruff attitude was still playful.

"Kicking me out, sir?" she grinned. She'd gotten used to his gruff attitude and saw it for what it was. She also knew he was one of the few officers that cared deeply about the people under him, even if he didn't overtly show it. It's why his people were so loyal to him.

"Damned right," responded Thaine, Caly's grin apparently having an affect, as his features shifted slightly to the beginnings of a smile. "Go on; the sooner you're out, the sooner I'll get that station set up for you. Or do you want me to comm Blacksby?"

"Oh no, sir... Nono.... You'd probably frighten him into dumping me on my ass." She shook her head, her grin still quite evident. "Miss my couch, bounce me off the coffee table, wind up in the fresher... Redheads bruise easily, you know," she deadpanned and tapped her commbadge. "Chief Boothroyd to Petty Officer Blacksby. Home, James..." She winked at Thaine as her form shimmered in the blue transporter beam and was gone.

Thaine let out a deep chuckle as Calyca faded from view, and turned his attention the tray of sausages, still obviously hot. He retrieved a knife and fork from one of the compartments in his desk, it not being the first time he had eaten lunch in his office.

Cutting into one, he nodded with satisfaction that the meat was completely unidentifiable as any sort of animal, and was coated with a liberal amount of grease. As he enjoyed his utterly unhealthy meal, the Chief engineer made a note on his PADD to get the work station set up for Booter as soon as possible. Another engineer who could tell what made a good fry-up was someone he could ill afford to have off duty for long.

---

"A Touch of Hope"
By: Lieutenant j.g. Tchalla Mel'chir
Ensign Kelzira Rax
Ensign Amy Reese
Ensign Glickman

Location: Brig, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.25, 13h25

***

Kelzira had witnessed the display on the bridge, had told Kit about it when he'd come back aboard ship looking for Amy, and then had spent a considerable amount of time talking about it with Tchalla. They were both concerned for their human friend. As they entered the security office, Tchi's antennae were twitching nervously, anxiety toward Amy's condition and Kit's report of what'd happened when he'd gone to visit his former fiancée.

Tchi squeaked in alarm when the security officer stepped in front of them.

"We're here to see Amy," Kelli said. "We're her friends."

The security officer rolled his eyes and glanced back down the cell-lined corridor. "Cell three," he said. "She probably won't be happy to see you, since you're not her."

Kelli frowned and followed after Tchi as she lead the way to cell three. They both stopped before the door, watching Amy inside.

"Amy," Tchalla said, her soft voice seeming even softer in the oppressiveness of the brig.

Seated on the bed, Amy's head jerked up and her eyes became alight. There was nearly a smile on her lips where there hadn't been one for a day, but when her mind registered the blue-skinned woman instead of the willowy brunette she'd hoped to see, it was overtaken by a frown. "Did Kit send you?" she asked resentfully.

Tchi shook her head, and Kelzira stepped closer to the force field. "No," she said, "he didn't. We came here because we were worried about our friend and wanted to see her."

"I'm not dead," she told them flatly, though by her sagging demeanour, it was clear she wished she were.

"No, but you're pushing away people who care about you," Tchi said. "Is she the only one who matters now, Amy? Have you given up on the rest of us?"

"You all gave up on me long before I did," she rasped. Amy sobbed feebly and pulled her knees in towards her. "I don't want to be here," she whimpered. "I-I never tried to kill Commander Lyrr...I don't want her dead. All I ever wanted was Emma...."

"We never gave up on you," Kelzira said, obviously offended by Amy's statement. "I've been your friend from the start, Amy. You stopped associating with me when you started associating with her."

"Amy," Tchi said, her voice gentle, musical, but steady, "why did you want her? What about her drew you to her?"

She shook her head slowly, loosing the tears that had been welling in her eyes. "I don't know...I-I just liked the things she was telling me, the promises." Gazing up at Kelli and Tchi, Amy smiled sadly. "I never had a real family before. With Emma...it felt like I could. A perfect little family of our own." Her eyes drifted away towards the far wall as she muttered, "Perfect...."

"And, you couldn't do that with us?" Tchi asked. "We love you, Amy. Next to Kelli, you're my closest friend. You're the one I go to when I need to talk about...things. You're my friend." She frowned at the force field in the way, glared down toward the officer on duty, then reached over and deactivated the field. Once it was down, she stepped inside and approached Amy. "Emma left, Amy, and I don't think she's coming back. But...you have us here now. We can be your family, we can be a perfect family together if you want."

"There is no such thing!" Amy hollered, shoving away from Tchi on the bed until she was pressed against the wall. "I'll never have perfect because it doesn't exist...so what else is there?"

"It doesn't have to be perfect," Tchi said. "We're your friends, and we're here with you. Do you not want to be my friend any longer, Amy?"

"I--" Amy whimpered and turned her face into her shoulder. "I-I'm so confused," she whispered.

Tchi moved over and sat next to Amy on the cot. "I understand," she whispered and then slipped her arms around Amy to hold her. "But, you're not alone now. We'll help you figure this out, to become not confused."

The physical connection seemed to snap the last shred of resistance Amy had been clinging to fiercely. Her body shook convulsively and her wailing sobs filled the small cell as Amy curled into Tchi, clutching at her desperately. It was slowly becoming apparent that Emma wouldn't be returning, not when she wasn't there to comfort Amy herself. Still, she pined for her and for the chance she had been cheated of. "It's not fair," Amy whispered tearfully.

"No," Tchalla whispered, "it's not fair. But, we're here, Amy. Me and Kelli, we'll be here for you, and we're not going away." The cot creaked softly as Kelzira sat down on the other side of Amy and gently, soothingly rubbed her back.

She wept inconsolably for a good, long while, and even then the agony failed to be washed away with her tears. Her head was in Tchalla's lap by the time her sobs had diminished to whimpers, and her body limp and still, save for the odd shuddering inhalation.

Glickman had allowed them to remain, despite regulations, but now he was standing in the opening. "You'll have to go," he told them gently. "I'll already be in trouble if someone finds out about this."

Tchalla kissed the top of Amy's head. "Amy, they say we have to leave now," she said softly. "I'll come back as soon as I can tomorrow."

She responded with a sluggish nod. "I'll be here," she murmured. As Tchi moved to go, Amy raised her head and gripped her arm. "Please...tell Kit I'm sorry. But...I don't want to see him yet. Not yet."

Tchalla smiled at her. "I'll tell him," she said. "I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that. I'll see you tomorrow, Amy."

It was shaky and barely recognizable as one, but Amy offered a smile to her friends in return. When they both left the brig and the forcefield was re-engaged, she again curled up on her cot and stared blankly at the deck. She thought of nothing, lulling herself with the rhythm of her fingers brushing back and forth against the deck as her arm dangled over the bedside.

Her eyelids began closing but stopped halfway as her ears picked up the faintest scrape of metal against a hard surface. The noise ceased when her fingers did, and started again when the action resumed. Closing her hand into a fist, she felt the cool metal press against her finger where there hadn't been before. It didn't take long to realize what it was, and when she did lift her hand, Kit's ring was on her forefinger.

With tearful smile, she hugged it to her chest and closed her eyes fully to revel in the feeling that this might be the first step back towards normalcy. Though, there was still a long way to travel before she returned fully.

---

"A Time for Relaxation and Reflection"
By: Ensign Alexia Johnstone, Nurse

Location: Holodeck, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.25, 17h00

****

Lexi went to her favourite holodeck program. It had been quite a while since she had had any skating practice due to the recent bans on the usage of all holodecks during the last mission, and she had been feeling increasingly stiff lately; she knew that her skating had suffered as a consequence.

She ordered the computer to call up her favourite rink, then stepped inside and sat down on the seats at the edge of the rink to pull on her skates. She had had many pairs of skates at one point in her life, when she had been competing regularly, but she continued to return to the one pair that fit her feet like gloves. They were white, and made of kid leather and each boot caressed her feet like the softest whisper of a dove's wings against the wind. She was dressed in a beautiful outfit which she knew wasn't really practice wear; in fact she had worn it in a competition she had skated in many years ago, and was quite proud of the fact that it still fitted her slender body perfectly. It had a short deep navy blue skirt which flowed effortlessly around her hips, then blended beautifully up to the bodice of skin toned mesh with sequins set to look like peacock feather eyes all over the bodice and down the long sleeves. With her hair pinned up in a braid, her long neck appeared even more graceful as it rose above the simple rounded collar of her skate costume.

Once her boots were on, Lexi stepped onto the ice to begin a warm up routine, simply designed with long graceful sweeps of the ice and a few simple Toe Loops and Lutz jumps. She chose not to complete anything particularly energetic during her initial warm up routine - she knew the dangers of injuries caused through carelessness. She spent about 10 minutes completing her routine, slowly building up the energy used till she was breathing rather heavily, then slowed to a halt and stepped off the ice for a quick breather.

Lexi caught her breath again, then ordered the computer to play her favourite piece of music.

"Computer - play Ravel's Bolero."

As the opening strains of the music began, Lexi stepped onto the ice. She knew that traditionally skaters used this piece of music for pairs ice dancing, but she didn't care - she loved it any way. It always made her feel free, and she would swoop across the ice like a feather in the breeze, with the gracefulness of a swan.

Lexi pushed one foot in front of the other, completely in rhythm with the beat of the music. She began to lose herself in the music. Slowly, as the tempo of the music increased, so did Lexi. Her routine became more intricate - glide, glide, triple loop, double toe loop, glide, glide, Lutz jump, double loop, Flying Camel spin, Catch Foot Camel spin, glide, glide, Triple Axel, Scratch Spin - and there the music ended. Lexi suddenly realised that the music had in fact ended - she had been so involved in the music, imagining the crowds roaring at the end...bouquets of flowers thrown onto the ice - slowly, her scratch spin came to a close, until she wobbled ever so slightly to a complete stop. She was surprised at herself.... she had just completed a short program that she had skated back in the 2358 Federation Olympics... the same program which had won her the Bronze medal...and it had all come back to her without conscious thought or real effort. Not only that, Lexi thought to herself, feeling rather proud, I did it perfectly too!

She slowly set off skating laps of the rink in an effort to cool down, and while she skated, she began thinking. Life had become extremely hectic during the mission, and as designated Acting Head Nurse, she had felt obligated to work all sorts of hours, surviving on very little sleep - in fact she couldn't remember the last time she'd had a good night's sleep! So much had happened during the mission, so many injuries, so many people affected in so many different ways. She wasn't quite sure she would ever be the same person again.

For so long, Lexi had meandered through her life, giving little thought to anyone else other than herself, and putting little extra effort into her work. Her time as Head Nurse had shown her the error of her ways, and she had come to the realisation that there was more to life than pleasing herself and doing only the bare minimum to get through her days. The position of CMO was vacant now, due to Dr Sefton's illness, and Lexi wondered who would fill it. She really wasn't sure that she was up to it...at least not yet! There was so much that she didn't know or understand! She came to the conclusion as she skated that she would not be applying for the CMO position - she really believed that she wasn't the right person for the job.

As Lexi continued circling the rink slowly, she felt the knots of tension begin to leave her neck and shoulders. It was a decision she had not made lightly, but, by the same token, having made it, she felt immensely relieved. It was almost as if subconsciously she felt she had to apply, and she really hadn't wanted to. She simply didn't feel experienced enough. Lexi contemplated her future - she really had to become more focused now on her career, if she was to ever get anywhere in her life. She remembered the reasons why she had joined the 'Fleet, and realised that they had been a little immature. It really is amazing how much can change when you see the things I've seen and go through what I've gone through lately, she thought.

With a jauntiness that had previously been missing to her step, Lexi left the rink. She sat and slowly pulled her boots off, then cast a last look round the rink. So many memories crowded in of more carefree times, but she knew she wouldn't change a single thing about her recent life. All she knew was that there was so much more left to experience, and she wanted it all. She was now looking forward to the future through a different pair of eyes; more serious, more focused, more committed. Her time on the rink had been well used for probably the first time in her life...and it was a scary but wonderful thing to behold.

---