"Falling"
By: Lt.Commander Benedict T'Kal - Chief of Security
Ensign Shirik Lektar - Operations Officer

Location: Arboretum, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18 00h08

***

He stepped into the Arboretum and walked across the grass. His boot heels left deep imprints, but he cared not for the damage as he strolled in a deep, dark mood. The holographic scenario playing on the walls and high ceiling of the converted cargo bay showed a high moon and stars, a few scudding clouds.

He didn't notice. One hand brushed his lips as he leaned against one of the small but stout trees. The hand curled into a fist and shook with the tightness of the grip and he pressed his ridged brow against the cool bark of the tree. Slow tears dripped unnoticed down his face.

Five years...five long, lonely years, and now she was back, as beautiful and as intriguing as she always was, but now she carried herself differently. She wore the heavy knife with an easy grace, and her eyes told him that she'd killed. She'd changed, and he knew that - she'd had to. Once she'd dreamed of being Captain and he'd been satisfied to stand beside her. Now she was a captain, but the captaincy was a cruel sham.

Benedict had kissed her. A moment of weakness, that started with a look into her eyes and now he was afraid. He was so afraid that he dared not tell a soul. Once she had owned his soul. Tebrianne Bancroft had taken his mind, stolen his memories and given him her own...and for so many years he'd been plagued by them. Her dreams, her memories, her experiences...like Marco. Grovelling and crying and pitifully weakened before a man who raped her, abused her and finally killed her - only she'd shared those memories with him, too.

Would it be the same all over again? Would she place her fingers against his face and draw him into her net again? Would she? Could he let her? His eyes closed tightly and hot tears dripped and a shuddering breath shook him, releasing a strangled sob. He loved her - he'd loved her....

He stood alone in the trees and he wept.

Shirik stood alone inside the cave, bathed in soft green light. She couldn't sleep, and despite not wanting to be alone at this time of night, she had to leave the safety of Caly's room, had to get away from her and Sorg. She'd spent hours laying there, watching them sleep, and thinking dark thoughts. The only place she could think to go, where it was quiet and comforting and she could stay out of sight, was the arboretum. She had the excuse of checking on her tasmos.

But there she stood staring at the black fuzz on the cave wall and not even seeing it. She ran her fingers lightly across its soft surface and was satisfied that it was rooting well.

Then her keen hearing picked up sound, from outside the cave. It was soft...it sounded like...someone crying? Not surprising, she thought. She crept soundlessly back to the cave entrance and dared to slowly peek out. What she saw made her heart freeze in her chest. Ben? Her first thought was that something horrible had happened. Had Lyrr been executed?

Swallowing a sudden lump in her throat, she slipped out of the cave and approached him, but stood a short distance off to respect his space and give him room to compose himself if he chose. "Ben...?" she said softly, letting him know she was there.

His fingers gouged the bark with a death grip. His eyes were tightly closed and his chest heaved. He did not hear the voice or the approach of footsteps. He was too deep in his own sorrow, too deep in pain, too wrapped in fear. For the first time in his life he knew real fear. A part of his mind yearned to be reunited with Tebrianne. Memories were flooding through him, but not his. The yearning in the kiss, the years of desperation were for a reuniting of minds. He'd lost half his soul so long ago. Now she was back...to claim her other half.

He dropped to his knees, the soft grass cushioned the fall. He sobbed. It was like a drug that he'd been denied...and it had started with a kiss. It burned. What had she done to him? He was shaking in fear. There was no help that could be rendered. He was shutting down. He was falling..

Shirik blinked, and could only imagine her suspicions had been correct, that Lyrr was dead. What else could leave him like this? She was overwhelmed with the need to comfort him, all the walls she'd erected inside herself against him in the last two months melting away. She closed the distance and dropped to her knees beside him, laying her hand on his shoulder. "Ben..." she called softly.

His shoulders shook and he felt the touch of a light hand. His reaction was instinctive. Wrapped in his own fear he spun on one knee, one hand coming up and wrapping around an extended arm, the other whipping toward an exposed throat as he turned. His fingers closed on the flesh of her throat and his whole body quivered to wrench her arm and shove against her wind-pipe; the dual movement would snap the neck...but his fevered violet gaze met its twin and he stopped. Her body was suspended by the force of his grip, her mouth opened in a surprised and silent exclamation at the savagery of his attack.

He released her as quickly as he'd attacked, falling back on his knees to stare at the black skinned woman before him. He hardly recognized her for who she was. His hands covered his face and he sank down further, heaving breaths wracked him and his hands clawed the ground. He could have killed her....

Her mind whirled as he attacked. She'd had no time to react, hadn't thought about it until too late. But it was over as quickly as it had started, and she sat there dumbly for a moment, blinking and breathing. She cursed herself - she should certainly have known better, should have expected his reaction, especially now. If he'd killed her it would have been her own fault.

She looked down at him and leaned over, putting an arm around him. "It's all right, Ben..." she said softly.

He shook his head. "No...it's not alright." His voice was broken. He leaned against her, not caring. "I don't know what to do, Shirik...everything is falling apart. Tebrianne...Tayla.... I can't deal with this."

She put her arms around him, lending comfort as best she knew how. "What's happened?" she asked quietly. "What is it?"

He remained silent for a long moment, just holding her. "She died," he said, sounding lost. "Tebrianne...now she's back. She's come back...and I don't know...if it was me...or her. I have memories...her memories. Do I love her...or did she make me?" He sighed. "I can't tell anymore...and I love Tayla.... Everything was right...for once in my life I was happy...now.... I don't know."

Pieces came together in her mind. Tebrianne. The Tebrianne... His Tebrianne...was the same woman now in charge of their ship? Leading the enemy? "Ohh, khresh..." she swore softly. She held him protectively, as if she could somehow ward off everything with her arms. "When we spoke about the mate bond that evening...you made it sound as though it alone could force you to love someone," she said carefully. "And I was afraid of that. But it's not true. I am bonded with Saavar, but I don't love him, not the way you loved her. The bond can't make you feel something that isn't there. You told me you loved her before that." She paused in thought, and asked quietly. "Ben...are you...still mate bonded to her?"

"I don't know," he shook his head. "Her memories are so strong...I don't know. I loved her, Shirik, so much. I almost...took my own life when she died. I just wanted to follow her...but The Prophets wouldn't let me. Is this their doing, Shirik? Have they brought her back to me? Am I supposed to be with her...and not...not Tayla?" His voice was broken and he clung to her, not knowing what else to do. The fear was so strong. He'd never feared anything, but he feared the mind meld. He'd been inflicted with so much pain because of it in the past. He'd not had to face it again until now...and Tebrianne was back. She was back to claim his soul, but he'd given it to Tayla. It wasn't hers any more. "Would they do that? What am I supposed to do?"

She stroked his hair as she held him, and a leaden weight settled in her chest. Was he truly asking her what it sounded like he was? Was he asking her...her of all people, which woman he should choose? That was not a question she was capable of answering, nor did she feel she had any right to.

"I can't speak for the Prophets," she said quietly. "I can only speak of what I know. I know you love Tayla, and I know you loved Tebrianne. You may have to make a choice at some point, but you are currently in no condition to make that choice."

He clutched at her in desperation, his face hidden by her silken hair. It smelled faintly of some dusky scent that was sultry and feminine, but it failed to evoke any response in T'Kal, neither did the suppleness of her figure that now pressed against him for the first time. He held her because she was a link to rationality and sanity, and he felt the walls of his mind teetering. The emotions that boiled within him, warred between what Tebrianne had been for him in the past and what Lyrr Tayla represented for his future. The love and desire to be with both women tore at him, shredding his sanity. He had not realized the strength of the hold that Tebrianne had over him emotionally. Her memories crowded his mind, but in their midst Lyrr Tayla was the image of the rock upon which he might stand, if only he could reach her.

Benedict's world had always centered upon the woman in his life. His mother had been such a strong and stabilizing influence upon him, that he placed great store in the emotional ties that bound him to the one woman he loved. He had always been a one woman man. His loyalties had never been torn between two women - ever. Yet now, his greatest weakness being the woman he loved had turned fully against him. He truly did love both women. Only Tebrianne had been central to his life in the past, and he had moved on to find life with Tayla. Now that was threatened, and with it Benedict T'Kal's very sanity was at stake.

The mental bonding of the Bajoran to the Romulan/Vulcan Tebrianne had been the Blood Bond. It had dominated his psyche, engulfed his world, and while Tebrianne had been his love, it had only served to strengthen that emotion. The bond had served them both. Catherine Page had used technology against that binding force and sundered it - and the damage that had resulted had almost killed him. He had gone through so much pain and anguish in the years between Tebrianne's death and resurrection that it had created in him a situation that he was totally unprepared for. His emotional reaction to her return had been relatively mild, it had been a shock but he had appeared to accept it readily enough, but the kiss had done it. That kiss had awakened in him the longing of that bond, the closeness of the ties that bound them in love. Yet it conflicted with his bond to Lyrr Tayla and that was the crux of his instability.

He had found a freedom and a love in Lyrr that hadn't rested upon a mental connection and a sharing of minds. It had rested upon their shared experiences, their strengths and their faith. It was spiritual. It was a Bajoran joining of two people who were in love and Benedict truly loved Lyrr with every fiber of his being. The yearning for the Blood Bond was unnatural for a Bajoran. It wasn't right. It wasn't spiritual. It denied him free will. It was an addiction that had bubbled up and threatened to swallow him whole and spit him out.

More than that, an all-consuming fear had arisen with it. Benedict T'Kal could face death with serenity, yet he could not face being bonded to Tebrianne Bancroft again. It was a fear that un-manned him. It made him tremble and turned his thoughts to incoherence. A cold sweat bathed him, and the conflict raged while he was unable to find an escape from the longing and the fear - he wanted that which he was deathly afraid of, yet he desired something that contradicted his addiction. What could he do? In his state of mind there was only one route an honourable man could take...the road of lesser fear.

His fingers gripped Shirik's uniform while he literally fell to pieces in her arms. "Please, Shirik...tell me what to do...I can't think. I can't...live with...this."

His words and reactions completely unnerved her. This was not the man she knew at all, and it scared her. She had no experience on which to draw to help her. Good gods, she thought, is this what happens if you love more than one person? Does it drive you to insanity?

He needed her help, but she wasn't sure she had any to give. She had to try. She swallowed and focused on his face, his eyes. "Ben..." she said quietly. "I cannot tell you what to do about this, I don't know. All I know is you can't...you have to pull yourself together. Dear gods, Ben, if any of the Enforcers see you like this... Blood in the water." She was terrified, for him. She knew what would happen if he couldn't get a grip on himself, if Hadek saw his weakness.

She wasn't a counsellor, she had no training to deal with this, she had no experience to draw on save for her own with Saavar and what she'd seen and heard from Ben. Would that be enough? She had no idea, but she'd do whatever she could, whatever it took, to help him.

He seemed to accept her words with a blank eyed stare. He didn't care about Hadek, or weakness before the guards. He couldn't rationalize those things. They didn't impress themselves upon him. His thoughts centered upon his inability to choose. The psychological trauma that began with Catherine Page and her alteration of his psyche, damage to his will, unnatural bonding of his mind and a yearning to reestablish something that had enslaved him, against his love for the woman who had accepted to be his Betrothed was all consuming. He was torn. So torn that the oblivion of death was preferable to living in this agony.

She could see it wasn't sinking in. He could only focus on one thing, one question that truly wasn't hers to answer. She heaved a sigh and closed her eyes in thought for a long moment on it. Tebrianne was the enemy, in the current situation. She didn't know her, never had, and now she was leading the Enforcers on their ship. Lyrr Tayla she did know. She didn't overly like her, but she knew her, and trusted her as a Starfleet officer. But that was her own personal choice, and should not be the basis for Ben's.

Finally she opened her eyes. She knew only one answer for his question, and she never imagined she would say this to him. "Ben...you may love them both, but... Only one of them is betrothed to be your wife. Only one wears your bracelet."

His violet eyes focused on Shirik's and he dropped his gaze. They were sitting facing each other now, kneeling, her hands on both his shoulders as she tried to get through to him. His bowed head and remained still for a long moment. Tebrianne had once been his Betrothed, too. If it hadn't been for Catherine, Tebrianne had been correct when she'd said that the woman had cost her everything. It had cost Benedict just as much. The truth of what Shirk said was undeniable. He'd given his mother's bracelet to Tayla. She wore it openly and had for the first time in her life; she had sworn to love him as he did her. She wanted to be his wife.

Tebrianne was a strong woman; she'd proven that. Tayla...what would she do if he spurned her in the way that Oresh had? Would she ever trust another? Would she be strong enough to endure? That thought captivated him. Amidst the turmoil of Tebrianne and his yearning to be with her, that thought stopped him. He drew in a searing breath that seemed to burn his lungs. Only one of them is your betrothed.... Shirik's words were so simple, yet they held certain truth. Tebrianne had been his betrothed. Tayla was.

What had Tebrianne experienced in the last five years? She'd want to share minds again...she'd need to reestablish that bond with him, though she was untrained, yet strangely powerful. Now she would have memories of the Alternate Universe. What had she endured in the five years? He shook his head slightly. He'd had bad enough dreams about Marco and Tebrianne's rape. What was in store for him now? Would he be able to cope mentally with that again? He knew with a certainty that he would not. The very thought of the meld drove him to trembling and fear. He'd built up an aversion to it. The one thing he desired and the one thing denied...yet it wasn't at all the one thing he desired. That was a trick of the addiction.

He fought to think clearly about Tayla. Her face came into focus, the way she lay on the sofa, knees drawn up beneath her, head tilted just so...her brow wrinkled delicately as she chewed on one nail and smiled at him, the clean lines of her back, and beautiful form as she lay on their bed, one arm draped to the floor as she grinned at him, her brow and hair matted with sweat; her ardour as they made love, and her maddening habit of eating in bed...but her smile...and the quality of her voice.... The sound of her as she said that she loved him...the look in her eyes that morning on the Bridge...the way she stared unbelieving at the bracelet around her wrist when she thought that he wasn't looking - and something seemed to break inside of him.

He sobbed aloud, because he'd failed her. He'd failed so utterly. How could he face Lyrr with the truth about Tebrianne? He felt the keenness of that betrayal...and yet he was betraying Tebrianne too. He had to choose. He had to. There was only one choice... His shoulders heaved as he cried. The tears refreshed, but his mind seemed less clouded and he felt weak as if he'd been through a marathon ordeal that had sapped his strength completely. He leaned heavily upon Shirik's shoulder, unable to speak.

Shirik slipped her arms around him once more to hold him, closing her eyes and letting him cry. She felt like crying, too, but wouldn't let the tears come. Later, when she was alone again. For now, she was just there for him. "It will be all right," she whispered.

They stayed that way for a long time. Benedict enfolded by arms that held only comfort without need for anything else. He held on to Shirik, without thought to their broken friendship. The rampant memories of Tebrianne melted back into the past. He wished that they were no longer there, but he knew that they were a burden that he would carry for all of his days. It was Karma. Shirik was right. He had to pull himself together. He thought of rousing Brennyn Scott momentarily, but quickly pushed it aside. He had to go to Tayla. She would be waiting for him, and he knew that with his prolonged absence she would be thinking the worst.

He felt terrible. Now all he could think about was Tayla, and how this whole event had made her suffer. Benedict had made her suffer, though his first reaction to Tebrianne had been the right one. He should never have kissed her. The guilt of that was hard to bear, and he knew that he would tell Lyrr the truth. There was nothing between them now that held falseness.

Finally he held Shirik a little tighter, and sighed, knowing that he'd made this girl suffer too. He knew that she loved him, yet she had also loved him enough to be a friend when he desperately needed one. She had been unselfish and had spoken words of truth. She hadn't tried to gain from this - in fact she had lost. He knew that she was hurting too, and he drew her back into an embrace and with utter weariness he whispered, "Thank you. I'm sorry, Shirik, for all of this...."

Now that the immediate crisis was past, she sank into his embrace. "It's all right," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "You're very welcome." Despite what it would cost her, she knew she'd done the right thing, and that helped. She drank in the feel of his arms around her for a little while longer, then reluctantly said, "You should probably get back to her. She's probably worried."

He nodded. "You're right...I should go." He kissed her forehead. "I'm glad that you were here." He drew her back to look into her eyes. "I think it would have been...bad...if you hadn't been."

Her eyes opened to meet his gaze. She felt drained, and it showed. She managed a small smile for him. "Me too," she said quietly. "I'll always be here when you need me."

"I'll always be your friend, Shirik." He breathed a sigh of relief, and for a moment their eyes communicated a great deal. "When this is all over...we have to stay friends."

"We will," she said quietly. She wanted to say more, to tell him things she promised herself she would when she saw him again, but this was not the time.

---

"Choice Made"

By: Commander Lyrr Tayla
Lt. Commander Benedict T'Kal

Location: Ben and Lyrr's Quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18 02h13

***

It took near starvation and exhaustion to drag Lyrr from the bridge, but the situation required her to be at her best physically - any weakness would be quickly preyed upon by their captors, and place the crew in further jeopardy. Pride had bid her to remain on the bridge, but reason had dictated that she return to her quarters and rest.

Lyrr heeded the latter's wishes. So, there she sat, staring at a plate of roasted ratamba with a side of salad, and finding she had no appetite, nor did she feel any desire to seek a nap on the sofa. There was too much to think about, and in a blatant negligence of duty, none of her thoughts centred on the ship or crew.

Tebrianne Bancroft was her focus, as was Ben's obvious affection for her still. When the two were together, Lyrr felt insignificant, forgotten - they existed in a world apart, and Lyrr definitely did not inhabit it. They had a past, and would have had a future if Tebrianne had 'lived.' Lyrr was simply her replacement, but with the original again in his life, was she still necessary? The Betrothal bracelet circling her wrist felt cold and leaden, rejecting its present owner as Ben would soon reject her.

"No," Lyrr whispered, gripped by fear and anguish, but most of all jealousy, the same emotions she had experienced long ago with Oresh. He had betrayed her, as Ben would soon enough. Could she prevent it this time as she couldn't then? Could she fully secure his love as she had failed to do with her Cardassian master?

Lyrr concealed her face with both hands to block out the world and its crude reality, but quickly she pulled them away as the door to her quarters slid aside. She looked up at Ben, the repressed sorrow and contained panic visible in her eyes saying more than words could. Lyrr severed the visual connection by lowering her gaze to the full plate she now lifted from the table, and turned away to deposit it at the replicator.

Benedict stopped as the door closed behind him and watched as Lyrr Tayla recycled a plate of food she hadn't touched. His eyes were red rimmed, and his shoulders slumped as he gazed at her. No longer able to stand the silence he walked in and gave a heavy sigh as he brushed a hand through his hair, tearing out the thong that held it neatly into a pony tail.

He looked terrible. Emotionally drained, he was still shaking from the events of the last two hours. It had taken all of his will to come to see Lyrr - to return to their quarters and face her with what he had to say. He had to tell her the truth. That he'd kissed Tebrianne, that he indeed loved her...that he had anguished over who to choose. It hadn't been the simple choice that she would say that it should be. It had taken Shirik Lektar to help him through it. In fact without her help, he probably wouldn't be standing here anyway....

Shirik had helped him steer his course. She'd been able to rationalize him through an emotional breakdown. Lyrr would never know how close he had come to choosing death over choosing between Tebrianne and her.

He slowly walked up to Tayla and knew without a doubt that he loved this woman, and until the day before he'd known with absolute surety that he wanted to marry her. Looking at her now he knew that he still wanted that. He stopped and waited until she turned to look at him, his hands fidgeted, his whole demeanour was agitated, unsure and totally outside of his usual calm. His violet eyes looked haunted, saddened, and they looked to Lyrr as if she might be a life-preserver.

The silence between them drew out, Lyrr unsure of what to say, and Ben looking as if his emotions would spill forth violently if he opened his mouth to speak. That he was so distraught confirmed her greatest fear: that he still loved Tebrianne, and that his heart was in conflict. Resentment, disappointment, and anger filled her, then, all directed at Ben for being so uncertain in his affections. How could she believe he truly loved her if he didn't believe it himself anymore?

There shouldn't have been a dilemma - it seemed straightforward enough to Lyrr, that there was no room for anyone else, but Ben's agonized demeanour indicated otherwise. She wished she could, but there was no feeling of hatred for Teb. How could there be when when he was rightfully hers to begin with? And now she'd come back to claim him.

Lyrr drew her bottom lip through her teeth, calling on what little self-control remained to prevent a display of grief, but it proved difficult, as did maintaining their protracted silence. "It's okay," she whispered, finally. "I understand. I mean...if she hadn't died, you two would've been--" She paused to clear her throat, rather, the lump settling in it. Her smile now was tearful. "We've no right to interfere with the will of the Prophets, and if bringing back a woman from the dead isn't a resounding display of their will, there won't ever be one. I won't-- I won't cause problems between the two of you...."

It wasn't what he expected, but the words seemed to release the pent up anguish he'd been in for the last few hours. That she said she understood was heartbreaking, and as he looked down at her feet his eyes welled with fresh tears and they fell unheeded. The silence stretched once again as he drew in a breath that was unsteady and he shook his head, knowing what it had taken for her to say those words.

She loved him enough to give him up. Shirik had done the same, he knew. He nodded to himself, and the dilemma that had waged in his mind was stilled even more. It was right. He held no further doubts. Suddenly he stepped forward and took her into his arms. He lifted her clear of the floor and held her tightly against him, burying his face in her hair. "I love you, Tayla, and Prophets help me I love her too, but I have to choose, and I choose you."

She was stricken and speechless, incapable of accepting what she'd heard as reality. Her arms reflexively came up around him, even though the rest of her was still immobilized by disbelief. "But...you came here to tell me..." she stammered. "You and she.... Y-You came to apologize and let me go..." The rest of her words were lost in a sob.

He kissed her. Hard. Breaking it off after a long moment, he shook his head, still holding her. Breathing hard he pressed his cheek against hers. "No..." he denied, "I just needed time to think. I do love her, Tayla, I can't deny it, but it's been five years and people change...and she's changed, and it could never be the same. Not the way I remember it. Not with all the pain and the grief that went after it." He pulled back so that she could see his eyes. "I love you," he said firmly. "I love you now - for who you are and for who I am now. I gave up living in the past and I can't be dragged back there to live something that died five years ago." He rocked her in his arms. "It's just like the portrait I had on my wall. The picture is still the same, but it was frozen in time. The woman on the Bridge isn't the same woman I fell in love with." He breathed heavily, "But you are. I'm so sorry that I put you through this...."

"But you had to think about it," she whispered. "Ben...what does that mean for us? If she's to be around...and with you two still so affectionate and...." Lyrr pulled back, shaking her head slowly. "It'll drive me insane - the jealousy, the paranoia...."

"We'll be friends. I can't turn my back on her, Tayla. I just can't. It's not her fault that she's here, that she didn't die or that she's lived for five years in this place, in a nightmare. After what was done to her by Marco, to live through this and still be standing on her feet...I can't deny her the fact that I love her. I'm just not in love with her. You're going to have to trust me. Yes - I did have to think about it," he said, nodding, and knowing that was a supreme understatement for what he'd been through this night. "I'm only a man, and this has been a shock. To see her and talk with her after so much...and to come to terms with how I feel now - I don't know. I guess I built her into a dream...made it better than it was." The addiction, the meld, the memories...he still needed help with it.

"I think I need to see Brennyn Scott," he admitted quietly. "After this is over. I didn't realize how much I'd be affected...the mind meld," he tried to sort out the words. "Teb's memories are still in my head...like the mental bond we shared is still there - not like it was...but enough to mess with my head." He looked away from her for a moment. "It's like an addiction, Tay...a force inside my head that wants to be reunited. It scares me...it scares me more than anything I've ever known. I don't want that. I love you."

He brushed a tear away from her face and smiled. "I'll keep it friendly - not affectionate," he nodded. "I'm sorry, Tay...it won't happen again." He said the words with conviction, his eyes were still vaguely haunted.

She chuckled, marginally reassured, but her trust in him gave her no choice but to believe his assurances. Lyrr planted a kiss upon him, sealing his promise with it. "No more touching," she told him reprovingly. "No hugging unless there is a chaperone present, and definitely no kissing or swimming naked." Laughing gently, she asked, "Agreed?"

"I kissed her," he admitted. "I won't lie to you. I did. I had to know." He took a deep breath, knowing what her reaction would likely be.

The admission slapped Lyrr back into the suffocating pit of despair and heart-rending anxiety he had only just pulled her from; she could only close her eyes and slip from his embrace. With her back turned to him, Lyrr's shoulders rose and fell heavily to illustrate the deep, calming breaths she was taking. They relaxed when Lyrr spoke to ask, "Why did you do that?" She smiled wryly unseen to him. "Wanted to recall what she tasted like?"

He stepped in close behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. "I had to know...to settle it. It was just once. I had to know, Tay...and it wasn't the same. It won't happen again. I promise." He sighed. "Would you rather me still be torn between knowing and not? Not able to choose or know for certain that things had changed?" His voice trembled. His fear was edging his tone.

"Had to know what?!" she asked incredulously. Her fingernails bit into his hands as she wrenched both arms free of their hold, allowing her to round on him. "There shouldn't have been a doubt, Ben! You're betrothed to me, not her!" She laughed harshly, gratingly, though there was sorrow behind the surface. "Did you do the same with Ensign Lektar, just to be sure she wasn't really the one, or maybe Counsellor Scott? What about every other damn woman aboard this ship, Ben! Will you need to kiss every one of them - just to be bloody sure?"

"I never kissed Ensign Lektar, nor Counselor Scott. I didn't love either of them, but up until four months ago, Tayla, I did believe that I still pined for Tebrianne Bancroft. For a short while there was doubt...more than doubt. I was confronted with something I'd never felt before...a need and a craving that scared the hell out of me. It still scares me, Tay! I can't explain it - but it's unnatural! It's that damned Vulcan mind meld! Believe me when I tell you it will never happen again! Yes I am betrothed to you - but I was betrothed to her too! I'm not a machine, Tayla. I'm not Vulcan! I have emotions and I have to work my way through things - like you do!" His voice rose a little but not much above a hard edged conversational tone. "What would happen if Sean O'Shea walked into your life again and told you he'd loved you for all that time and wanted you back? Can you tell me that for a short while you wouldn't have doubts?" He put his hands on his hips. "And what about Oresh? What kind of doubts did you have there? I stood beside you through that and I expect you to do the same for me!"

"This isn't the same thing!" she exclaimed. "If you needed to kiss her to make up your mind, then you doubt our relationship. How am I supposed to feel about that other than angry and scared!" Lyrr sobbed and her voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. "I'm scared, Ben."

He dropped his hands and stepped toward her. "It happened. It's over. I had to know if I felt the same. I didn't. You can punish me to a night on the couch if you like." He held his arms open for her. "But I know that I love you and I want to marry you - that's what's important."

Lyrr nodded hesitantly, willing herself to believe him. There was the disturbing knowledge that even if she couldn't, she would do everything in her power, no matter how underhanded, to make it so. It was difficult to ignore the similarities her mentality held to the twisted, deluded mindset Oresh had brainwashed her into acquiring - she would have killed any woman that sought his attentions, had the urge to many times; now, she wished Tebrianne dead, even if she couldn't facilitate her demise personally. Gasping softly in horror at her thoughts, Lyrr lurched into Ben's embrace and held him desperately. "Prophets, I hate this," she groaned. "I hate these tests."

"I'm not testing you, Love," he sighed and rubbed her back, kissing the nape of her neck. "Look at it this way..." He drew away slightly. "You think the Prophets brought her back?" He smiled. "Maybe they did...just to show me how much I love you. I don't think anything else could make me doubt that. Not anymore. There's nothing left...no surprises. No secrets you don't know...nothing left to haunt us." He kissed her, tentatively and lovingly, and more deeply; and knew that this kiss was for real.

Her despondency lifted and she greedily accepted his offered affection; it gave validation to his insistent declarations of love, and provided her with insight on why he'd needed to do the same with Teb. Through a single kiss, one just...knew. Sighing happily, Lyrr gazed up at Ben. "If only the ship weren't under siege," she mused, threading her fingers through his loose hair, "this would almost be a perfect moment."

"Right now, I need this perfect moment more than you can ever imagine." He kissed her again, and breathlessly he said, "Please, Tay...make it all go away. Only you can do that..." His desperation for her affection and love was palpable. He'd never shown such need for her, nor had he allowed her to glimpse the weakness of his fear. But there were no more walls between them, and he held her to him. "Don't ever let me go, Tay," he breathed.

"I won't," she murmured soothingly. She burrowed her nose into his hair as Ben's head nestled against her shoulder. He was detectably trembling, and this spurred Lyrr to tighten her embrace. So tormented and broken, so pitiable was Ben she hardly recognized him.

No, she realized, she did know that person - she was staring at herself as she had been only months ago. Ben had been the one to console her, then, but the role of protector had been thrust upon her now. She needed to be the strong one for them both...but Lyrr wasn't sure she had it in her.

"Don't worry," she whispered, stroking his back tenderly. "I don't plan on leaving. We've come too far for that, Ben." Her lips travelled from his cheek to the sensitive flesh of his throat. He shuddered gently, an urging for Lyrr to continue. She did, bringing her hands forward to his chest and unzipping his jacket. "I love you, My Betrothed. We're in this together."

He nodded, unable to speak as his hands found her own jacket zipper and his lips silenced her with another burning kiss. Fumbling hands, sighs and Bajoran endearments accompanied the two as they stumbled into their bedroom, the need to draw strength and comfort from each other the only thing that would get them through the night.

---

"Singing the Song of Angry Men"

Lieutenant Mark Thaine; Chief Engineer
Ensign Mason Farrell; Operations Officer
Ensign Byron Klipper; Engineering Officer
Chief Petty Officer Calyca Boothroyd; Engineering Crewchief Chief Petty
Officer Patrick Riley; Engineering Crewchief [NPC]

Location: USS Sulu, Mess Hall
Stardate: 57910.18 07h10

***

"Good morning, everyone. How are everyone's favorite engineers?" Farrell quipped as he took one of the two open chairs at the table, the very picture of nonchalance. He set his massive plate of grits and fried eggs before him and took a sip of his coffee.

"Mister Farrell. Good morning." Caly looked up from her plate and offered him a bit of a smile. "We're all here, sir. How's everyone's favorite Operations Officer?" Her smile broadened into a half teasing grin, which Farrell returned.

Riley managed a slightly tart, "Sir," while consuming another jelly-filled donut. The Irishman's mind was on bigger things at the moment and he wasn't all that concerned with proper protocol given their current plight.

Byron nodded then returned his focus to his meal of oatmeal and toast.

There was a clatter as Thaine deposited his plate and cutlery upon the table, and his chair scraped across the floor as he moved it to sit down. "Ensign Farrell," he acknowledged, in a tone that suggested he was anything but happy with the current situation.

"Good morning, sir," Farrell said politely to Thaine. "A little cross this morning?"

Thaine regarded Farrell with a silent glare, and stabbed a fork into one of his sausages. He muttered something under his breath as he cut it viciously with a knife. "Cross doesn't cover it," he finally replied.

Caly quirked a brow and smile turned a bit wry. She sat back and took a drink of her coffee, watching the men around her, studying Thaine for an added moment or two before commenting. "I think we're all a bit cross. I know I'm testy as hell and for once in my life I think I'd welcome a little PMS," she admitted.

"Did you get down to sickbay yesterday?" Farrell asked softly.

Caly met Farrell's gaze and nodded. "Yes sir. After shift. I didn't realize it was..." she shook her head a bit and smiled a little. "Dr. Sefton took care of me."

"Them bastards need a good taste of their own medicine," Riley said through gritted teeth. He absentmindedly tugged at his pain collar hidden under his uniform top while reaching for his coffee. "How I'd like to..." Paddy stopped short, "...sorry, Sirs."

"These Enforcers," Byron filled the term with sarcasm, "are not so tough. I have seen worse than them. These guys probably couldn't even handle some sleep dep without going nuts." He was stewing in his juices and pushing his oatmeal around. He didn't like being pent up like a caged animal again, he wanted to strike back at his jailers but didn't see a way how.

"Sounds like things are as bad in Engineering as they are in Ops," Farrell murmured, then leaned in slightly on the pretense of moving his coffee cup.

"You guys want to do something about it?" he said, pitched just enough to carry to the table and no further.

Byron looked up and smiled.

Paddy's eyebrows perked up over his coffee cup. He finished taking his drink and then lowered it to ask, "And you have a plan, Sir?"

That was what Caly liked about Farrell... He might be a loose cannon, but the man always seemed to have a plan and she'd wager that now wasn't any different. "I'm in." At this point it didn't matter what it was. She wanted the Sulu back just like everyone else did.

Thaine lifted his gaze to regard the Operations officer. Were things really that desperate? Farrell's plans, and their consequences, had filtered down even to Engineering. The officer was a maverick, a wild card. A danger to himself and to others. But...he managed to get things done. If anyone was capable of leading a resistance against the Enforcers, it would be Farrell. "If it means getting my ship back," said Thaine, slowly and quietly, "you can count me in."

Farrell gave a wily smile.

---

"It Is The Music Of A People Who Will Not Be Slaves Again"

Ensign Mason Farrell; Operations Officer
Ensign Shirik Lektar; Operations Officer

Location: USS Sulu, Bridge
Stardate: 57910.18 07h45

***

Shirik was standing at the auxiliary Ops station at the rear of the bridge. From there she was able to keep an eye on the core systems just as she would if she were there. She was monitoring diagnostics and trying not to think about much else when across the bottom of her screen, the computer alerted her to an incoming text message. Glancing about briefly to make sure the guards weren't in position to see her screen, she accepted the message.

Farrell here. I need the shift reports from Engineering for stardate 57907.18. Can you pull them from the archive and send them over?

Shirik quirked an eyebrow at the odd request, but called up the requested reports and sent them on their way. After a few moments, she received a reply.

Thanks. By the way, someday I hope to attend your coronation, which, like Shardra Veina's, is certain to be filled with throngs of people singing your praises. Glad you're up there keeping an eye on the computer. Talk to you more later.

Given the nature of his reply, she was fairly certain there was a message hidden in it somewhere. She was unlikely to ever be coronated, and he was making a reference to the queen in the Drokari biography she had given him to read. She thought on that for a time. Dates in the Drokari calendar are kept in an 8-digit numeric format, and as she recalled mentally the date of Shardra's coronation given in the biography, she realized that the number coincided with the range of a memory storage area in the main computer normally reserved for storing holodeck programs. Hiding the small smile threatening her lips, she called up the memory location's contents on her screen, starting several more diagnostic programs so she'd have several things on her screen and whatever she retrieved wouldn't be very noticable.

Hey, Drukiv. Remember all the problems we had over JJ world? I have a feeling they may flare up again. I need the disposition of mirrored sleeping quarters.

The task wasn't difficult for her, as she tapped in a few commands. The internal sensor logs from the previous 24 hours were searched by the computer within a fraction of a second, and the results sent to Farrell, the search and the transmission self-deleting. There was no further response.

On deck 10, in an access hatch, on a PADD routed through no fewer then four different processors and the main core twice, on an access code that didn't officially exist, Farrell received the file, and gave a wolfish smile.

---

"Chain Gang"
By: Chief Petty Officer Patrick Riley - Transporter Systems Team Chief
Chief Petty Officer Calyca Boothroyd - Engineering Crew Chief

Location: Port Nacelle, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18 08h05

***

The Enforcer looked bored as the two engineers pulled open another access panel to begin their third systems test of the morning. She walked off a short distance to lean on a passageway wall while they continued to work.

"I'm glad that thug has finally decided to give us a chance to talk, Booter." Riley's left eye was still mildly discolored from the blow he received during the Sulu's short battle and he cast a cautious glance at the Enforcer before pointing to his neck. "I guess we're both too stubborn or too stupid to close our mouths before it's too late."

Caly blinked and her hands stilled in their task. "Aww, Paddy..." She eyed his gold turtleneck and the unseen control collar beneath it. "Not you too?" she whispered. A quick glance was cast towards the Windsor goon before she said anything else. "Stubborn... I'm pretty sure I'd do it again," she admitted. "I know I'm not generally stupid, although I'm sure a lapse isn't out of the realm of possibilities..." She gave him a small smile. "And I hate bullies... You don't speak French or Italian, do you?"

He stopped long enough to reply, "Aye Booter...me too." Riley moved the panel a smidgen. "A lapse of something for sure...I hate thugs with guns and pain sticks...they seem to feel they're invincible." Paddy held-out an EM analyzer, when Caly took it, the Irishman whispered, "Oui, Mademoiselle, je parle francais." He bent down and grabbed a spectrographic tensile strength tester while continuing, "Are you all right? I heard about the cargo bay incident...did Shirik...? Well...you know what I mean."

She had to smile when he spoke French as she took the EM analyzer from him. Relief showed in her eyes at the realization. She answered the same, keeping her voice low when she did. "I'm fine now. I went to see the Doc and she fixed me up," she assured him first off and kind of shook her head. "No. She went to the Security Chief and she didn't go." She was frowning now and the look in her eyes was troubled. "Sorg is working on a plan to neutralize the collars," she told him, still speaking in French as she continued to work.

Riley suddenly announced in Federation Standard, "Check. All neural interfaces within normal parameters."

"Roger that. I'm showing no significant fluctuations," Caly agreed, not breaking stride at all. "Let's check this next one down the line."

The Enforcer had quietly moved closer towards them; she seemed satisfied by Paddy's announcement as well as Caly's confirmation, and went back down the corridor to resume leaning on a bulkhead.

"Thanksgiving était fermer!" the Irishman whispered while shuffling around inside the tool kit trying to look busy. He made eye contact with her. "I'm glad you are alright." Riley gave her a tiny smile to confirm his words, but his face took on a more serious expression, "Shirik will have to be much more careful after involving T'Kal...I doubt Hadek will allow that to go unpunished for very long...."

When Calyca looked at him with a questioning glance, Riley offered with a mild shrug, "I know the type...trust me, she can't do that more than once before he'll take her somewhere quiet and extract a pound of flesh for her arrogance."

Caly frowned when she heard that, suddenly worried for Shirik. "I'll warn her..." she whispered.

He dipped his head slightly to acknowledge her concern. Taking back the EM analyzer and trading Booter for the spectrographic tester, Patrick asked in a hushed voice, "What's Sorg's plan?"

She continued to answer quietly in French, keeping an eye out for the Enforcer. "He came to see me last night," she started, pausing to pull out her tricorder and get a reading.

"You like him, don't you?"

Caly blinked and gave him a wry look. "Is it that obvious?" She was still struggling with the whole idea of a relationship and it showed in the depths of her green eyes. "He and Lucas are going to get one of them to activate the collar and we're going to capture the frequency so we can jam it..."

"Sounds like a painful plan." Paddy glanced to his left as he whispered, "Just a hunch really...but did you know your nose twitches when you talk about him?"

She blinked again and looked down at her nose, her eyes crossing a bit as she did. "Oh good gods...." she muttered and gave him a look. "Let's run a diagnostic on this one, Paddy. I don't like the looks of the readout," she added for the guard and wrinkled her nose at Riley, her faint smattering of freckles showing when she did.

He looked back and had to stifle a snicker as Caly's crossed eyes, wrinkled nose, and freckles combined to remind him of a child's doll. Paddy winked saucily at her while replying loud enough for their keeper to hear, "Yep, it does look to be cycling too fast. What do you suggest, Chief Boothroyd? A Level 2?"

"Yeah, that should be good enough... We can always go with a Level 1 if we get any indication that we need to," she agreed, and then softly in French, "It doesn't really twitch... Does it?"

Riley grinned. "Oui." He reached inside the panel and tapped a few keys to initiate the diagnostic test. "Don't worry, Lass, it's barely noticeable." The engineer propped himself up to wait for the automated system check to run its course. "...However, since I'm an Irishman, we both know my judgment is suspect." His eyes twinkled with mirth as the computer chirped, indicating it was ready to begin.

"Oh my god... Everyone and their lame dog is gonna notice..." she whispered and gave him a suspicious look as she touched her nose, leaving a smudge behind when she pulled her hand away. "How's it coming?" Her tone wasn't petulant... Yet. Just sorta edging it a wee bit.

The Irishman suppressed a smile and nodded. "It's almost finished, Chief." He coughed and made to cover his mouth. "Don't look now, but our babysitter is coming back...and she doesn't look amused."

"Yeah? Well, she can bite me," she muttered in French and glanced in the direction of the goon before looking back to the diagnostic equipment, ignoring the enforcer unless the woman said or did anything.

He managed a short, clipped, "Easy does it, Booter," before Enforcer B'Itshe stomped up.

"What is taking you two targs so long?"

Riley tried to keep himself between the Enforcer and Caly while answering the female Bolian's demand, "We've noticed a discrepancy in the warp modulation circuit that could keep the ship from forming a proper warp bubble...Sir." He just choked out the last bit without revealing his anger. If the opportunity ever arose to tip the scales back the other way....

"Most likely a result of the blast force that tipped the ship ass over tea kettle before the inertial dampeners could take hold. Shook stuff up quite a bit," Caly added helpfully and for the benefit of Alice the Goon. "Delicate circuits don't take kindly to being shook up."

The Enforcer's face remained unconvinced. "Whatever. We have to have this tub ready to go when the Captain gives the word at 9h00...do I make myself clear?" She raised her phaser rifle for emphasis. "Now, get back to work!"

Paddy murmured under his breath, "Je n'aime pas le regard d'elle... qu'elle a la mauvaise attitude écrite partout la." He shifted his attention from the Enforcer back to Caly with a look of concern. "I think you'd better be on your toes around that one, Booter, she's nasty looking."

The computer beeped; its task done and Caly looked at the readout along with Paddy. "I know," she murmured softly. "They all have hateful looks," she added.

"Aye...they do at that. Well that's done. What now?" Grabbing a wrench the engineering chief swiveled around to put it away. He accepted another tool from Booter. "We can't stall much longer, they'll start asking questions we can't answer." The Irishman knew they were running out of time and his facial expression said as much.

"I know. Let's adjust the timing on this one a bit... It just doesn't feel right to me," she answered and pulled a tool from her pack to hand him.

Chief Riley took the casehardened polycarbonate phase adjuster and nodded. He bent over the lower power transfer coupling control regulator and popped open its maintenance hatch. "I'm going to open the flow restrictor two microns. Tell me when you think it 'feels' right, Booter."

"Aye, Paddy," she acknowledged with a small smile and lowered her voice to a hushed whisper as she spoke in French. "I hate fixing her to suit them, but I'll be damned if we'll compromise her...." She 'listened' while Paddy made the adjustment. "Back off a smidge...."

A soft click could be heard by both engineers as Paddy made the proper readjustment based on Calyca's whimsical reference. "Yeah, I'd rather blow her up first than let our guests get her." He looked up from his work. "A smidge is it? I thought that was what that spot 'o grease on your nose was," Riley finished with a playful grin.

Caly blinked and looked at him. "That's a smudge," she chuckled a little, barely heard under her breath. "Wait... It is?" She reached a hand up to rub at her nose, likely making it worse. "There... Right there..." She touched his hand to halt anymore adjusting, her nose forgotten.

"Oh thaat's much better," meaning the smudge, which was now considerably bigger, he affirmed with a smirk. The Irishman glanced back at the diagnostic panel. His eyebrows shot up in amazement. "I'll be blarneyed...perfect! You're quite the engineer, Booter."

She grinned at him, flushing just a bit at the older engineer's compliment. "Thanks, Paddy. I was fortunate enough to have someone like yourself fine tune my education."

"Hey! Are you two finished yet?"

Paddy made a big production of starting to stow tools and equipment. "Aye, Sir, we're closing it up now." He whispered to Calyca, "Allons-y boutonner ça en haut précédemment ils devenir sage à nous." The big man stood up to stretch and then offered his hand to Boothroyd. As she took it and was pulled to her feet, Riley continued, "It'll take 'em a while to figure that one out."

"Aye, Chief," she agreed and gave the Enforcer a rather testy look before muttering loud enough for Paddy to hear, "Moi would aimer beaucoup faire secouer leur tout compris les voiler trognon mais ils would probablement élasticité son mauvaise digestion. Ou gaz." She brushed herself off and regarded their babysitter, thinking she'd be one of the first she'd like to feed to the warp core. "We don't generally rush through delicate adjustments, sir. But she should be fixed to 'your' standards," she told the Bolian.

He nodded without comment. While he shared her feelings about sabotaging the warp core, the Chief knew Crix would never let them have that level of access for such a plan to be successful. And Booter was probably right, feeding the Sulu's core Enforcers likely would give her indigestion or gas.

B'Itshe merely grunted and motioned for them to proceed to the turbolift. As the engineers complied with her request, the Enforcer stepped in behind them to ensure there was no way for either to loiter unobserved. She leered at Caly's backside unbeknownst to her.

Paddy had hefted the large tool kit onto his shoulder and managed to murmur to Caly, "Let's check both mixing interfaces in the engineering hull to make sure everything down there is in synch as well."

"Excellent idea." She nodded her agreement and smiled up at the older chief, shifting on a foot as she waited.

The big man smiled back, but his attention was focused on the Enforcer. He didn't like the looks she had been giving his friend. Paddy hoped he was wrong, but it looked as though their babysitter had more than a passing interest in Caly and it didn't look like the younger engineer had a clue.

The lift doors opened and Boothroyd, as well as Riley went in first followed by their personal escort.

"Deck 13," Riley said as everyone stepped inside.

The Enforcer made sure to position herself next to Booter. She made no pretense about her next actions when she purred to Calyca, "It's a long ride to Deck 13...what do you say we get better acquainted, Hon? Hmm?" B'Itshe reached out and stroked Caly's hair softly as the turbolift began moving.

Caly jerked away from the Enforcer and backed up a step, her hand automatically coming up to brush the offensive touch away. "What?!?" She was confused and wary and eyed the woman. Oh, great... Just what she needed. A gay female Enforcer with raging hormones.

B'Itshe seemed amused by her reaction and smiled lecherously, "Playing hard to get are we, Hon? Oh, I'll have so much fun with you...my pet...."

---

"Underway"
By: Lt. Commander Bancroft
Commander Lyrr Tayla
Lt. Commander Sam
Lieutenant McKenzie

Location: Bridge, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.18, 09h15

***

Once again, she was seated in the center chair. The bridge, the ship, all of it was hers for the duration of this mission. It was an act of faith on T'Briane's part that would ultimately result in betrayal, but Tebrianne Bancroft's presence in the Mirror Universe was the ultimate in betrayals. She just wanted to get home, back to the people who thought and acted as she did. Well, mostly as she did at any rate.

There was little about this place she would miss once she got back to her own universe. The death, the betrayal, the constant looking over her shoulder. She couldn't imagine a more paranoid collection of people in all of the galaxy, but here they all were. But, with good measure. She'd seen enough knives protruding from backs to know the paranoia was at least mostly warranted.

Tebrianne looked down at the status board before her, built into the side of the chair that should have been occupied by Captain Salinger. All repairs had been made, and all crew was standing by. They were finally ready to depart. They were finally ready to leave this region of space and rendezvous with the rest of the fleet. Destiny was just around the corner.

"Captain," McKenzie said from the helm station, "Windsor is signalling. They're ready to get underway."

Teb nodded. "Let's get going then," she said. "On their lead, match speed and 'eading, Lieutenant." She turned to Lyrr, who sat stoically in the first officer's seat, and smiled. "Well, time to go find our fate."

"At the edge of a black hole," she quipped wryly.

"I can think of a few worse places," Tebrianne added with a laugh. "Not many, but a few."

Lyrr smiled blandly and maintained her focus on the viewscreen. She found no humour in the situation, especially not with Teb ensconced in Matt's chair. She didn't approve of thrusting the crew in the type of danger they would likely encounter in four days, but Lyrr's options were few.

Many were holed up in the cargo bay, knowing nothing more than that they were prisoners and their captain was missing. Although they had all come far in the previous months to become a crew befitting of Starfleet, in time, they too would grow paranoid and distraught.

Lyrr shifted in her chair, finally to face Teb. "I want to make an announcement. I want the crew to know what's happening."

Teb glanced aside at Lyrr, then nodded. "That'd be a good idea."

Without acknowledgement, Lyrr called to Sam. "Open a shipwide channel."

"Aye, Commander," Sam answered, then did as he'd been ordered. "Shipwide channel now open, sir."

There was a brief moment of pause, Lyrr for once frozen with fear, but one look in Ben's direction at tactical, and she was immediately reassured. Sighing inaudibly, Lyrr began. "This is Commander Lyrr to the rightful crew of the USS Sulu. I'm certain all of you know of our situation, and all I can do is assure you I will do everything in my power to protect your safety. I know that might be difficult to believe in the face of what's happening, but I'm more than willing to convince you through my actions."

Lyrr's eyes illuminated with fierce passion, and her posture righted itself from the hunched, defeated pose she'd acquired after the boarding. Now, she sat straight and tall. "We will get our ship back, I promise you," she continued with renewed vigor in her tone. "We are proceeding en route to a gateway, one that may provide us a means to return home. Of course your captors will insist that won't happen, that we'd better get used to this universe and start calling it 'home'" --she smiled, a feral, nearly vicious flash of teeth directed at the mental image of T'briane in her mind-- "but I say to them...just watch me. And I say to you all, don't get comfortable, because we won't be here long." Tipping her head at Sam to close the channel, Lyrr finished with, "Commander Lyrr out."

"You've got to be the stupidest person ever to be released from Starfleet Academy," Tebrianne rasped. "Why don't you just 'and out leaflets and invite the bloody Enforcers to resistance meetings while you're at it? If they weren't suspecting something before, you've just assured that they are now. Good show, Commander Lyrr."

She regarded Teb dispassionately and whispered, "To your Enforcers, it'll simply sound like a desperate last effort to inspire the hopes of a defeated crew. If I didn't at least make an attempt to rally my people, I might appear too confident in the eyes of your 'loyal' followers, and confidence is what will arouse their suspicions." She smirked. "Trust me, Ms. Bancroft, I've been at this longer than you. During the Occupation, the quiet ones were always seen as a greater threat than those that raved about freedom and overthrowing their oppressors. Ben was a perfect example of that - he was but a ghost during the resistance, yet he was the one the Cardassians feared. So for once, Ms. Bancroft, take a lesson from me and save your damned sarcasm."

"This isn't Occupied Bajor," Teb answered, her voice a bare rasp. "These people perceive every threat as real, every utterance as truth. There are no jokes. There are no bluffs. They will see this as an attempt to rally your people, an act of continued defiance. Expect your captain to receive an hour of suffering for every single word you uttered in that endearing speech. Expect your every move to be watched. And, now expect mine to be since I allowed that rubbish to be broadcast throughout the entire ship. The rules have changed, and your smug arrogance is going to get people you care about killed. That is if you even care about your captain. So far, I'm not certain. How much has he suffered because of you already? I should put you in a pain collar for that; I should make you suffer for the good of the crew and for the sake of our illusion. But, I'm not the spiteful bitch here."

"No, you're the arrogant one," Lyrr riposted. "Do with me what you will," she told her without venom or petulance, "and for the survival of this crew - including the captain - I'd gladly accept any punishment."

"For now," Tebrianne said, "that punishment will have to be the knowledge that the captain is suffering because of your defiance."

"And if he knew that was the price to pay to bolster the spirits of his crew," Lyrr replied fervently, "then he would gladly accept that. You don't know the first thing about Captain Salinger or this crew, so save your self-righteous lectures for someone else - they're wasted on me."

"Why do you hate me so much?" Tebrianne asked after a moment of silence. "Is it because of the past I had with Benedict before he ever even met you?"

Lyrr sighed. "This isn't about hate," she explained. "This is about my methods conflicting with yours. Perhaps our goals are similar, but I plan on reaching that goal in a way best suited to protecting this crew physically, and emotionally." She smiled mildly. "I can feel free to hate you once this is all over."

"And, you don't think I plan to protect this crew? Physically and emotionally? They're Starfleet officers, some of them I may have been with at the Academy. Do you believe I want differently?"

Lyrr shrugged. "I believe you have your own agenda, and as long as it coincides with what we want, you're willing to work with us. When that changes, you'll again become the enemy. I'm just making certain I'm ready when that time comes."

Teb's eyes widened with surprise. "Right," she said softly. "That's daft, but right."

"Captain," McKenzie suddenly called out. "The Windsor is moving out."

"Take us with them, Mr. McKenzie."

"Aye, going to warp."

And, with that, the ship stretched out and vanished into subspace behind the ISS Windsor.

---

"Friendly Chat"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar
Commander Lyrr Tayla

Location: Bridge, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.18, 11h30

***

Two hours into their journey to the Gateway, and already Lyrr was restless. Her fingers drummed the armrest, while her foot tapped the floor persistently; she was waiting for something to happen, some way to take charge as she was meant to before Teb usurped the captain's seat from her, but there was nothing to be done yet.

At least, for the time being, she had command of the bridge while Tebrianne held a meeting in her Ready Room with Ben. There was no longer jealousy or suspicion as she glanced at the sealed doors of the office - her morning with Ben had helped to slake those emotions, so now she was left only with agitated impatience.

Grumbling, Lyrr pushed out of her chair and proceeded to pace aimlessly. She stopped briefly at each station, peering over the shoulder of its officer to give a cursory check of their progress, then moving on. Unwittingly, she came up next behind Ensign Lektar's station at the rear of the bridge; realizing her mistake too late, Lyrr was caught staring eye-to-eye with the woman, whose expression was clearly one of curious inquiry.

Lyrr stood speechlessly, then regained her capacity to form words and greeted the ensign. "Busy?"

Shirik regarded her for a moment, deciding what was meant by the question. "Can I help you with something, Commander?"

"Not particularly," Lyrr admitted. "Though, now that I'm here...are you working on anything of interest?"

"Diagnostics and maintenance of the computer systems," she said evenly, although her eyes hinted she might be working on something else as well.

Lyrr nodded slowly. "Really?" She leaned her hip against the station, shielding Shirik's console from any who might be observing them. "I'm sure your access to the computer systems is quite limited - they've restricted access to ensure we don't try anything tricky." She smiled knowingly at the dark-skinned woman. "Must be frustrating for an officer whose major focus is monitoring the computer. Can't exactly do that on the bridge, can you?"

"Believe me, Commander, I understand the folly of doing anything 'tricky'," she said. "Probably better than most on board." She rested her hand on the console, where one finger surreptitiously brought Lyrr's attention to a very small piece of text partially hidden on the screen, letting her know that she'd been communicating with Farrell from the Ops office. "I've been able to perform most of my major functions from here," she said. "But if I do need access to another system, I will certainly let you know."

"Yes," Lyrr replied meaningfully, "you will. If you ever need to relay a message to me, I'm certain Mr. Rett would be willing to carry it for you." Her smile was significant, as were her choice of words.

Shirik nodded her understanding. "Yes, Commander."

Lyrr banished the smile from her lips, and nodded curtly to Shirik. "Well...carry on, then. And be sure to keep me apprised of your progress, Ensign." Lyrr took a step past Shirik, stopped as an afterthought struck her, and looked aside. "And good work," she told her in earnest, then departed before the situation became uncomfortable for herself.

Shirik inclined her head in acceptance of the compliment and turned her attention back to her console, erasing anything from the screen that wasn't a diagnostic. Her demeanor was very stoic and expressionless this morning, Vulcan-like.

---

"Understanding and Comprehending"
By Ensign Cristobel Sefton - Nurse
Chief Petty Officer Calyca Boothroyd - Engineering Crewchief
and Petty Officer 3rd Class Shyla Lynn Moreau - Astrometrics Technician

Location: USS Sulu, Life Sciences Laboratory
Stardate 57910.18, 13h44

***

Stepping through the threshold into the laboratory, the doorway leading to Sickbay shut behind Cristobel. Out of the direct eyeline of the Enforcers, Cris shook an isolinear chip out from the wrist of his tunic. The chip contained Lieutenant Tagliesh's latest schematics for the sensor-proofed probes, including the revisions that had been covertly suggested by Sefton and other Science personnel.

Doffing his medical smock, Cristobel folded the garment over the back of a chair in the lab. He flopped himself into the chair, and inserted the chip into his PADD to familiarize himself with all of the new adjustments.

Caly eyed the Enforcers as she approached Sickbay, but made sure not to make eye contact with them as she slipped inside and made her way to the lab. She wasn't quite sure why she was here, but assumed she'd find out soon enough. She'd just been told to report to Ensign Sefton in the Life Sciences Laboratory.

The door whooshed open and she stepped into the lab, pausing when the door closed behind her. "Sir? I was told to report to you." She smiled a little as she approached Cris.

"Caly," Cristobel stated brightly, as he hopped to his feet. "Medical has been allowed to continue with scientific research, so long as we only use Sickbay's facilities and specifically don't access the sensors or...anything other than the library computer. Which is shiny, because my research project, at this stage, simply involves gaining an understanding of Borg maturation chambers, for which I require an Engineering consult." Sefton encompassed Caly in a sweep of his arm, and sheepishly explained, "All of which was mentioned in my official request, but I suppose your evil-alternative-universe superior ended up with that." There was an extra-special emphasis on how Cris said 'official.'

"Aye, sir. That would be Lt. Crix. I was only told to report to you here," she smiled a little and quirked a brow at the emphasis on 'official'. "Borg maturation chambers, huh? How far have you gotten in your research?" she asked curiously. She absently scratched at her neck as she made her way over to his side.

"I've memorized the general encyclopedic entry on it, and read countless detailed articles written on the subject, but the workings of some of the underlying technology is eluding me," Cristobel admitted.

Caly nodded and to keep up appearances, since that seemed to be the best thing to do until she found out the unofficial reason, asked, "Do you have any schematics yet?"

The lab door whisked, startling both but it was only Shyla. She looked paler than normal and more than a little frightened. Getting mixed up in any schemes to retake the ship may have been her duty but she had a lot to lose.

"Sir," she nodded at Sefton. "Chief," she smiled at Boothroyd. She sat the PADD she carried down on the console, words forming on the screen under Cris's nose. It said Don't get caught. Don't fail. Don't incur a tongue lashing.

"Petty Officer," Caly smiled back and tried to look reassuring. Her eyes glanced to the PADD, but she tried to not stare at it directly, not wanting to draw attention to it if the goons were looking on.

"I gather you already know that you're not really here to fix the lab's consoles?" Cristobel asked Shyla.

"I'm not even sure I know how," she admitted quietly. "Transducer matrices and display membranes aren't exactly the same as sensor ring casings." She looked at Cris and nodded at the PADD. "She told me a little."

"Lieutenant Tagliesh has ordered me to modify a dozen probes to be used as a backup sensor net that can be deployed and activated without the Windsor being any the wiser. If we are still under their control by the time we reach our destination, we will need the probes to tell us how to operate and destroy the Gate," Cristobel explained. "I need help with the modifications. ...And with the getting access to the probes in the first place."

"Hmmm..." Caly quirked a brow. "What did the Lieutenant have in mind?" she asked. "Did she lay that out, or leave it up to us?"

"She designed schematics of the modifications to be made." Cristobel handed Caly his own PADD, which displayed the new variation of a class-four probe and a class-two probe. "There will be several methods in place to mask the probes, but the main one will be thoron particle generation. If the Windsor's sensors are adjusted just so, they might pick up on the thoron particles themselves, but otherwise, the probes will be completely invisible. Any other innovations would be gladly welcome, I'd think."

"The thoron particles should do the job hiding the probes," Shyla agreed, albeit with a worried frown. "But we'll have to figure out a way to cover the launch. And we'll need to alter the probe inventory so the probes aren't missed, in case they're keeping track."

Caly took the PADD and looked over the schematics as she listened to them. "Right. They'd have to be specifically scanning for Thoron particles to pick them up," she agreed and glanced up at Shyla. "Covering the launch could be tricky. We can probably get Ensign Farrell to help with the probe inventory though," she suggested. "We'll also need to keep an eye on any elevation in radiation," she added.

"The probes don't need to be launched, do they?" Cristobel asked almost rhetorically. "Couldn't we find an unrelated reason to receive permission to open any airlock and drop them out there?"

"I suppose," Shyla said thoughtfully. "But getting permission to open airlocks seems a tall order, given the joyous nature of our captors. I know I can't be the one asking permission...those painsticks scare me."

"Trust me. You live through them. I'm still wired though." Caly looked at Shyla and gave her a very small, tight smile, her expression not giving any of what she felt away.

"I might live through them..." Shyla trailed off, sharing a worried look with Cris.

Caly looked between the two of them, quirking a brow. "What am I missing here?"

When Shyla resolved to share the news, but hesitated to use the words, Cristobel told Caly, "Shyla's pregnant. Thirteen weeks."

Caly blinked. "Hoh-boy... Yeah, we don't need you getting painsticked... or irradiated.... We'll just have to be extra careful..." She shook her head a little and smiled a bit of reassurance at the other woman. "Back on topic.... I can't think of a reason off the top of my head either... And as we're traveling at warp speed, I'm not sure what reason we could have to do anything like that..." Caly mused thoughtfully and handed the PADD back to Cris. "And I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here. If we did find a reason, wouldn't we be watched during the whole process anyway?"

"Oh, I know, but our activities wouldn't be quite as apparent on sensors as a probe launch would be," Cris responded. "Do you think you could find a reason if we weren't at warp? We wouldn't be deploying the probes until we reach the Gate."

"Well... Possibly," Caly mused thoughtfully. "If we could come up with something that needed to be jettisoned... Which Engineering might be able to dummy up," she suggested. "And I'm not so sure that it's not possible to bypass a sensor at a specific air lock to make it appear that it was closed while in fact we were tossing probes out it," she added. "It'd have to be done manually at the airlock itself.... Which presents its own set of problems..."

"If you have authorization to jettison materials, couldn't you simply sneak the probes in with what's being legitimately released?" Cris wondered aloud. "Throw the probes out with the trash."

"That's risky," Shyla warned. "You'd have to first disable the replication system so that there would be a reason to jettison waste products. More than likely, the Enforcers would just dematerialize them with the transporters and purge the energy into space without rematerilization. The probes would be atomized."

"That might depend on what you're jettisoning... The replication system can't handle everything. Especially if we can come up with something that might be a bit dangerous if it's kept around?" Caly offered. "And bypassing the airlock sensors was just another option," she smiled a bit at Cris. "I like to know all my options, even the really dumb and whacked out ones. It's part of my problem solving quirkiness," she told him.

Cris smiled back at Caly. "You're talking to the guy who just suggested we open a door and kick the probes out (and who suggested thoron-hidden probes to Lieutenant Tagliesh in the first place only because I couldn't think of anything reasonable, but had just read an article on thoron particles). Any idea is potentially a good one."

"It would have to be something suitably unstable so that the transporters couldn't be used," Shyla mentioned. "And there will have to be a pressing reason for the Enforcers to want to get rid of it. Tossing hazardous waste out into space isn't standard Starfleet procedure."

"No," Caly agreed. "But something unstable that's about to blow up is," she mused a little thoughtfully. "And for the record, I liked the 'open the door' and 'kick' the probes out idea," she told Cris with a grin. "A man after my own heart," she teased a little.

"It'll be hard to make it look like anything other than sabotage," Shyla said seriously, not getting the humor. "Someone might get blamed for it...someone who doesn't deserve it." She looked at both Cris and Chief Boothroyd pointedly.

"Hard but not impossible. The ship did just undergo a major blast fallout. Sure the systems are back online and we're underway, but that doesn't mean that the integrity of everything is fine. With a blast like that there could be hidden damage that doesn't show up right away. Hairline fractures in some key components. Anything is possible," Caly pointed out. "But what exactly are you saying?" Caly asked, her brow quirking a bit at Shyla's pointed look.

Understanding Shyla's intention, Cristobel explained, "We remain sneaky enough to ensure the probes are launched, but we don't destroy any physical evidence. In the end, we get the pain." Cristobel pursed his lips, already trying to imagine what a pain stick would be like, and then blurted, "This isn't an order. To either of you." But Cristobel looked at Shyla. "Lieutenant Tagliesh must have other duties to be done. You're pretty much her entire official science staff."

Caly frowned. She didn't really want another taste of the pain stick... Once had been enough to last her a lifetime. "Right... So we go with trying to make it look sneaky, but in reality we lead them to us?" She just wanted to be clear and her gaze went to Shyla. "This is probably something you shouldn't be risking..."

"You're right, Chief," Shyla admitted, her eyes focused on the console. "But I'm not sure I can let you both take the brunt. Not when it's my idea. That's the same as an innocent getting a painstick meant for me."

"It could be more than a painstick," Cristobel said gravely. "To get the probes out, you're both saying that we have to create a danger to the ship--"

"Or the Enforcers...." She let that hang in the air for a moment. "And you do realize that if we pull this off and it even looks like an attempt on the Enforcers, we could all be summarily executed, no questions asked. As in dead... Right?" Caly pointed out rather frankly and brutally. "And you," she gave Shyla a grave look "...like it or not, have one of the most innocent lives on the Sulu in your care."

Shyla didn't nod or respond but only raised her chin to Cris and asked 'what do I do?' with her eyes and her thoughts.

"Report to the Science Lab," Sefton ordered Shyla. "Caly and I will go ahead to the probe hold to perform the modifications. She invented spiders with explosive webs; I'm sure she'll come up with a brilliant explosive for the VIP Quarters deck, and the Enforcers will be glad to wash the danger, along with our hidden probes, out into space. That's still days away, though. Maybe we'll figure out how to all get away with this by then."

"That would certainly be preferable," Caly agreed whole-heartedly.

Shyla didn't get up immediately but only looked at them both with tears welling in her eyes. "This is what it comes down to sometimes, isn't it? When you get through all the training and simulations, you have to be willing to throw it all away for the greater good."

"The Gate is our only way to get home, and destroying it is the only way to protect our home. We have to know how it works," Cristobel reaffirmed with an artificial stiffness. With a sad flippancy, he muttered, "They're not going to let our shipboard sensors figure out the schematics for it."

Caly wasn't the maternal, nurturing kind, but her face and eyes softened at the look in Shyla's. "No... Unfortunately, they're not," she agreed.

Shyla nodded shakily and got up. "If it wasn't for..." she trailed off, her voice thick with tears. She took a moment to compose herself. "I'd be there with you. Both of you."

Caly glanced at Cris before looking back to Shyla. "We know," she offered a warm, understanding smile. "And you can make us honorary Aunt and Uncle, okay?"

"After you spend the next couple of days, in Engineering or the Science Lab, using that brilliant mind of yours to figure how we're going to get away with this," Cristobel chimed in, forcing a smile.

"Consider it done," Shyla said, managing a genuine one. She walked to the door, pausing as it opened. "Good luck," she offered as she stepped over the threshold. She didn't look back at them.

"See you at home," Cris managed to call out before the door shut. Once Shyla was gone, Cristobel's tone was flat when he asked Caly, "You have your own engineering tool kit as well as the one they assigned you, right?"

Caly watched her go and then turned rather serious eyes to Cris. "A make-shift one. As good as I could do given that they took my usual one," she answered quietly

"Good. Do you think we could get our hands on a sonic spanner?" Cris asked.

"Yes. The Aft Sensor Array needs to be checked. I'll just log on to do it and pick up a spanner," she answered and then let out a very soft huff of breath. "We did the right thing."

"We did," Cristobel agreed, but then was silent for some moments of consideration. Pushing aside all the fear, Cris blithely said, "Now let's talk collars. If we figure out how to get you out of yours, we'll be able to neutralise mine by the time I'm forced into one."

"Well... You can always kill me, sir," Caly deadpanned. "I think the collar will release on death. But... You'd have to promise to bring me back. Otherwise I think I might get pretty cranky, all things considered."

---

"Assignation"

Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations Officer
Ensign Mason Farrell, Operations Officer

Location: Farrell's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18, 16h08

***

Shirik stood at a place she never thought she'd ever be - in front of Mason Farrell's door. Extreme situations.... She shrugged and rang the chime, entering once he commanded the door to open.

She stepped inside and glanced around the room, her expression perfectly neutral. She didn't speak until the door was sealed once more. "Good evening."

"Evenin'," Farrell twanged from the dim light within. "Come here."

The room was curiously unlit, but Shirik's night vision showed Farrell as a warm red shape seated on the sofa, which he patted with one hand. "Dare I even ask?"

"So if we do get barged in on we've got an excuse. Just don't be shocked if I start kissing you when the door opens."

She didn't move. "Before I sit, I warn you that if you do start kissing me, you will be injured." She had the nightmarish image of the door opening, getting lip-locked by Mason, and having Ainsley Chambers walk in. She frowned as she made her way to the sofa and sat, not very close to him.

Farrell chuckled. "So what's on your mind?"

"I just wanted to compare notes. I've been hearing about 'projects' people are working on, and I'm wondering how we can all communicate what we find and avoid duplication of effort. Are you in contact with other sections beyond the bridge? Lyrr is aware that she can communicate with you through me, or Mr. Rett, and vice versa."

"I've got Engineering working on a series of tasks relating to distracting the enforcers through mechanical failures. They're going to keep the goons physically uncomfortable, and then keep them from getting a good night's sleep."

"Good idea. It might keep their computer expert busy trying to track down reasons for the failures. They'll likely suspect the failures are intentional. I know people are working on trying to 'jam' the collars so they don't work, and I'm working on ideas to neutralize the painsticks. We'll need to minimize their ability to incapacitate or coerce us by these devices to retake the ship."

"What did you say to that Hadek to get yourself slapped in a collar, anyway?"

"I didn't say anything other than my name," she frowned. "It was who I was that intrigued him. Princess of the Royal House of Lektar stood out in my personnel record, apparently. He had designs on me warming his bed."

Farrell thought on that a moment. "Did you?" he asked, without inflection.

"Overlooking the fact that it's probably none of your business, no. I reported his idea to Commander T'Kal, who in turn notified our new 'captain', and she ordered that no females were to be taken to anyone's bed until their mission is completed."

"Really?" Farrell asked, drawing the word out, his interest in that tidbit significant. "She ordered the enforcers to leave the women alone?"

"Indeed. She said it wasn't procedure for them to be touched until the mission was completed, and until then we had a job to do. Apparently that doesn't extend to the use of collars and painsticks, though. I suspect it has something to do with the fact that she is female."

"What happens if someone disobeys that, I wonder," Farrell mused.

"The normal punishment for all offenses seems to be the painstick," she mused. "I imagine even the Enforcers have seen the business end of one at times in their careers."

"I bet they love that," Farrell smiled wryly in the dark. "And how humiliating it would be to get yourself disciplined when you're supposed to be the big bad guard?"

"I doubt Hadek will be doing anything to get disciplined for, especially by Tebrianne..."

"Oh?"

"Indeed. I get the impression they don't like each other very much. And I'm sure having a mere woman discipline him would be very humiliating."

"Interesting," said Farrell. "I wonder if there's any other dissention in the ranks."

"It's possible, I suppose. If so, that would be useful information to have."

"Yes it would," Farrell said. "Keep alert for that. See what this Tebrianne woman thinks of her underlings, and how they view her. Watch them as they report, and how they carry themselves on the bridge. You were raised in an environment like this. You can spot the flaws."

"Tebrianne is not one of them," she said. "She's from our universe."

Farrell sat for a long moment after that. "Come again?"

"T'Kal told me that she is the Tebrianne he knew, from our universe," she said. "I don't know how she got here, but she was presumed dead. Apparently she didn't die, but was somehow transported here. If that is so, she could be an ally." Her tone indicated she wasn't quite ready to fully trust the woman.

Farrell shook his head. "T'Kal knows this woman?"

She nodded slowly. "Rather well." She paused, then added, "They were engaged to be married before her 'death'."

"Wait," Farrell held up a hand, "T'kal and Tebrianne were engaged to be married, and she died, but she didn't really die. She was shunted into an alternate reality. And now we're in that alternate reality, and she happens to be the one who led the party that boarded the Sulu?"

"Indeed." she said. "The ship out there bears the same name as the ship T'Kal served on with her in our universe."

"Of course. This is a mirror-universe," Farrell said softly, then looked at Lektar sharply. "There aren't any obvious doubles out there, are there?"

"Not that I've seen yet, but then, I am unfamiliar with the crew of the Windsor from our universe. T'Kal could probably answer that better."

"Ask him. That's important. We can trade the information through the computer archives."

She nodded slowly. "Very well," she said. "I'll contact you when I know something."

"Suk choth, Drukiv."

Shirik rolled her eyes in the dark. "Good evening, Farrell." She got to her feet and slipped from the darkened room.

---

"Bottom of the Food Chain"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
CPO Calyca Boothroyd, Engineering

Location: Boothroyd's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18, 17h18

***

Shirik made her way to Caly's room, a PADD in her hand and no expression on her face. Her features had been set that way since she'd left the arboretum that morning. She ignored any Enforcers along the way, avoiding even looking at them. She wanted no undue attention, and unlike many of the crew who might be able to remain anonymous, her black skin and white hair made her stand out as unique among the crew and easy to remember.

She rang the chime at Caly's door, waiting while the computer confirmed her identity and Caly commanded it to open. She said nothing until she was safely inside, with the door closed and locked behind her. Only then did her stiff posture relax, just a little, and she moved to sit somewhere near her friend. "Hi."

Caly was sitting on the couch which Jurell had moved back. She was dressed in the clothes she usually did when in her room and had a PADD in her lap. "Hi yourself," she smiled a little, watching Shirik. "You never came back last night."

Shirik was still in uniform even though her shift was over, and planned to wear nothing else as long as there were Enforcers on board. "No," she agreed, accessing her notes on the PADD. "I spent some time in the arboretum, and then went back to my quarters."

"Ahh... How's the Tasmos?" she asked curiously, even though she didn't think Shirik went there to find out about her fungus.

"It's rooted well, and should establish without any difficulty," she said. "In a day or two the green light can probably be turned off, it won't be needed."

Caly nodded "Now that we have the pleasantries out of the way," she smiled a bit. "You look like you didn't just drop by."

"No, in fact, I had a reason," she said. She always did. "I imagine people are working on a way to deactivate or release these collars. But I was thinking it might also be helpful if there were some way to do the same to the painsticks. I haven't had a chance yet to do a thorough scan of one, so if you or anyone else gets the opportunity, I'd appreciate the data. But I have made some notes based on my... observations of their use." Caly going down with a shriek came to mind, and the blood-curdling screams of Kaven Lucas, causing her to suppress a shudder.

Caly visibly cringed but it only lasted for a moment. "Getting a scan of one might be hard.... I think they always have them in their possession, probably sleep with them," she made a face. "Getting a scan on one while it was in use might be a bit easier." That admittance made her frown. "And even then, if you're caught scanning...." She was simply making a list of the pitfalls and problems she could see. "If I get a chance, I will though..." She took a breath and let it out again before she spoke. "I couldn't back away from it."

Shirik nodded, she knew the risks involved as well. "I know. Kaven seemed unable to release the one in his grasp as well. That leads me to believe they work on some form of electrical current. Once the nerves are stimulated with pain, the muscles contract and cannot release voluntarily. The grip is obviously insulated in some way. But if it works using some kind of electrical field, then it can possibly be disrupted or disabled somehow, even if only temporarily."

Caly nodded. "But it's not electricity... Some kind of power discharge," she offered. "A bolt of electrical current that strong could fry your insides, disrupt your nervous system and damage your heart... Depending on the individual resistance of your body, of course. Some people can just take that kind of thing in stride," she offered conversationally.

"Exactly," she said. "Something lowpower enough to not actually cause physical damage, but to cause intense pain... Possibly not even a power discharge at all, but something...bioelectric... maybe something that doesn't even cause pain directly, but induces it somehow by causing a reaction in the nerves or the body chemistry..." she frowned in thought. The best way to tell might be to experience it first-hand, she thought. But could she analyze it while experiencing the kind of pain she'd seen it cause? She had her doubts, but she wouldn't ask anyone else to do it for her. "I'll try to get a scan myself if possible."

"You might try talking to Dr. Sefton and see if she was able to get any idea from the scan she did on me," she suggested. "If it was some bio-chemical reaction that affected the cells or nerves, then there should have been a trace of that in my body tissue. I'd start with her." She watched Shirik for several moments before adding, "Don't do anything foolish or by yourself, Shiri. Trust me on this, you have no conscious thought process when you're on the receiving end of that thing... Your whole world exists solely of pain. You can't move, you can't think, you can't get away. And even when it's over... It's still there."

She nodded. "I'll talk to her," she said. She really had no wish to give a painstick a try, but would if it was absolutely necessary. She'd never experienced physical pain of that magnitude, and preferred not to start now.

"Good. She scanned the collar too, and the way the two work on the body might be the same. Your best bet may be to try and figure out a way to make the triggering system fail on the sticks," she suggested. "Some kind of disruptor or something. Jurell and Kaven are working on a way to identify the radio frequency used to trigger the collars. I've got my spiders set to record it when it happens. And then we'll work on something to jam the signal," she explained.

She nodded, obviously liking that idea a lot. "Good. I'll compare notes with them as well. If we can neutralize both, we stand a better chance of neutralizing the Enforcers."

Caly smiled a bit and nodded. "Well, keep in mind that the collars are activated by remote, using radio frequencies. I don't think we'll be so lucky with the batons. They probably just have an on-off switch."

"True, but each one would have to have its own unique frequency, otherwise they'd all be activated at once." She thought for a moment. "There may not be any way to do anything about the painsticks, but... I still want to try. I wish I could get my hands on one to study."

"Good luck. And I'd think it'd be a Line Of Sight thing. Realistically speaking if there are...let's say...fifty collars. And each collar had a different frequency that was transmitted to it, then the guard would have to dial in the frequency of a single collar in order to activate just one," she pointed out. "Now that's assuming that each guard knows the frequency of each collar, on sight. And what's the likelihood of that? It's safer to assume that the remote puts out one frequency, or an oscillating one designed to hit a specific range. It could be as simple as point and click. On the other hand, they probably don't care if they get more than one collar to activate at once," Caly pointed out. "Yanno... It sounds like a lot of different people have a lot of different ideas... Ever wonder if anyone is coordinating all of them?" she observed thoughtfully.

"Coordinating things won't be easy with communications so limited. I've been keeping in touch with Farrell in ops from the bridge by coded messages, but I don't know what anyone else has been doing."

"Talking probably. In the Mess Hall, in the Lounge... In their rooms," Caly smiled.

She nodded. "I imagine right now the only way to get across who's doing what is by word of mouth." She fell silent once more, her thoughts troubling.

"Mmhmm..." Caly watched Shirik for several moments, glancing up from her PADD, her fingers continuing with what they'd been doing. "Ensign Sefton and I are modifying some sensor probes to be launched when we get to the Gate if we don't have control of the ship by then," she told her.

"Sensor probes? To do what?" she asked. She knew they had to regain control by then, if they had any hope of destroying it.

"To probe the Gate so we can figure out how to operate and destroy it, I believe. I'm not quite sure what Command has in mind," Caly admitted, "But that's what he told me."

She nodded. "You realize we may have to settle for destroying it."

Caly quirked a brow and looked up from her PADD. "Destroy it and remain here, you mean?" she asked.

"It may not be possible to both use it and destroy it," she pointed out. "If we only have the chance for one or the other, destroying it would have to take precedence."

She thought for a moment and nodded. "Aye, there's always that possibility," Caly agreed. "And when the time comes, I trust Command to do the right thing...."

Shirik nodded. She was ready for the possibility that they might all be trapped in this universe, but wanted to let Caly know it might happen. She knew she'd be able to adapt to this place, probably without too many problems, but she wondered what would happen to some of the rest of the crew if they had to stay.

Caly watched Shirik for several moments before speaking again, noting the edge of concern. "You know... Just because I look all petite and stuff, doesn't mean I don't realize and haven't seen the harsher side of the way things can be," she told her quietly, smiling a bit. "I didn't make it through the war with my eyes closed, Shiri. I'm a lot tougher than I look."

She sighed. "I know, Caly. But...this place isn't like the war. It's much worse. We'd all have to change." She didn't want to see that happen to anyone on board.

"I understand that, Shiri," she answered quietly. "When I looked into Hadek's eyes I saw something that really scared me... I don't want to live like that... I don't want to become that. But I'll do what I have to. Just like everyone else will..." She drew in a breath and sighed softly. "I don't believe it'll come to that. Call me naïve, but I have faith that we'll get back home."

She nodded. She knew that once she herself was that, or at least close enough to make her squirm thinking about it. She didn't want to have to go back to that again, or to somewhere worse. "We'll have to make sure you're right."

"Yes we will," Caly smiled just a little and tipped her head to study her friend. "So.... What's up besides pain sticks, probes and itching collars?" She reached up to tug at the collar around her neck and scratch the reddened skin beneath it.

"Not much," she said. "I find my thoughts preoccupied by Enforcers, collars, pain sticks... and the frightening similarities to my own homeworld."

"Liar," she countered softly.

Shirik quirked an eyebrow at her in near-perfect imitation of Saavar. "I don't lie," she said evenly.

"I stand corrected... You're just not telling me everything," Caly replied.

Shirik inclined her head slightly in acknowledgement. "I have a great many things on my mind. But I've had to prioritize. Right now, the Enforcers are taking up most of my thoughts. If we don't succeed in retaking the ship before the crew is dispersed and reassigned elsewhere... I know how bad it can get, if it's even half as bad here as back home can be. That's what I need to be focused on right now."

"Good," Caly smiled just a bit. "Shiri... You need to be careful about Hadek. Paddy thinks you may have made an enemy of him and he might try and get even," she warned softly.

She nodded. "I plan to avoid Hadek as much as possible for as long as possible." That thought had certainly entered her mind as well.

Caly watched her a moment with a small frown. "You okay? All this reminder of home getting to you?"

"It's not a pleasant reminder," she said. "I'll be fine. I can be thankful that at the present time, we don't have painsticks back home, and typically do not use slave collars, but the methods are similar even if the tools aren't. I just used to be immune to it back then, because I was on the top of the food chain, as it were. Here... I'm more or less on the bottom. It's not a comfortable place to be."

"No," Caly agreed quietly and thoughtfully, her mind introspective. "No, it's not."

---

"Complicated"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
Lt. Cmdr. Benedict T'Kal, Chief of Security

Location: Lektar's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18, 20h00

***

Shirik sat on the sofa in her quarters, studying the PADD in her hand. The lights were dimmed very low, just bright enough for the average person to navigate the room without bumping into furniture. She was still in uniform, her hair still tightly wound in its braid. On the table before her a squat meditation candle burned, filling the room with a faint spicy scent that she found soothing. She tapped out figures on the PADD as she waited for her scheduled visitor to arrive.

Benedict pressed the chime and at the summons walked into the darkened quarters. Shirik was seated, and he stopped just inside the door. He was wearing casual clothes; black T-shirt and black jeans and boots. His comm-badge hooked to his belt and a Bajoran earring in his right ear. He smiled at Shirik in the darkness. "Hi," he said simply.

Shirik looked up, an eyebrow raising as she noticed the earring. For some reason she couldn't identify, seeing it made her feel somewhat sad. Her neutral expression softened at his smile, and a small answering one found her lips. "Hello. Please, come in, have a seat. Do you require more light?"

"I can manage," he said agreeably as he walked over to the couch. He sat and leaned back into its corner, throwing one arm over the top as he pulled one leg over the other knee. "I'm sorry to have put you through that...last night," he said seriously. It was better that they were in dim light; her profile and white hair seemed to catch the star light while her eyes held a faint luminescence. "But I do appreciate that you were. This whole thing has been difficult to bear. Complicated."

She couldn't help but think that that was the same way Sorg had sat on her sofa the night they...parted ways. It was a memory she didn't want to think about just now. "We all have our moments of...needing a friend," she said. "Complicated...that's an understatement." Last night was another thing she didn't want to think about. She focused on his earring, watching how it caught the light from the candle's small flame. She'd always wondered what he'd look like with one on. It looked good, just as she imagined it would.

"You're doing better?" she asked, her voice hushed instinctively in the dim light.

He shrugged. "Better than yesterday," he replied softly, one hand unconsciously playing with the hem of his jeans. "What's on your mind?" he asked, getting to the point of his visit.

"I wanted to talk about the Windsor," she said. "This T'Briane... she's this universe's version of Tebrianne?"

He nodded in the semi-darkness. "Yes."

"What about the rest of the crew? Are they all people that served on your Windsor? Have you recognized any of them?" She couldn't help but wonder if there was a twin of Ben somewhere on that ship, and prayed there wasn't. Or if there was, that she never saw it.

"I don't know," he replied honestly. "I did recognize Remica Clarion's twin on the Bridge. There's bound to be others. There won't be any Sulu twins though...at least not on the Windsor. Even I wouldn't be there. I transferred off the Windsor, so my twin may have done the same. No one has mentioned I have one, and I'm sure Teb would have said."

She nodded, relieved.

"You have to let the crew know that Tebrianne is a Starfleet Officer. She was and still is a Lieutenant Commander in Starfleet. She wants to get home as badly as we do - and it's just luck or the Fates that she's here and in a position to help us. I want everyone to know that she's no enemy. You can relay that - and make them believe it. I guess my job is to keep them watching me - if I can convince everyone that I'm with Tebrianne in this universe, then they won't see trouble coming until it's too late. I have to meet with Farrell, all of the senior officers are being watched carefully. This revolt has to be coordinated behind the scenes, and I think Farrell has the underhanded skills to organize the lower ranks. They are less likely to watch a lowly ensign...and I think he'd understand how these guys think...if you know what I mean."

She nodded. "I understand probably better than most, myself," she admitted. "Farrell and I have been in contact, and we've set up a means of communicating when I'm on the bridge, so I can relay anything you may need me to. Lyrr knows I've been in touch with him. I was going to ask you if the senior staff has been coordinating or making plans. I also know that several groups of the crew are working on various projects to try to eliminate or reduce the threat of the painsticks and collars, and for certain malfunctions of systems on board to disrupt our guests. If there's anything in particular you want done, let me know and I'll make sure it gets done."

She paused. She still wasn't entirely convinced of how trustworthy Tebrianne was, but she'd not had any interaction with her beyond their one meeting. "I know how you feel about her, Ben... I don't know her, and I don't especially trust her, but I do trust you. If you truly believe she's on our side, I'll spread the word. I just want you to be sure you're not being used or influenced by your past with her." She studied him closely.

"I know her more than you could ever imagine," Benedict replied, staring her in the eyes. "Pass the word not to disrupt the Enforcers - don't make life uncomfortable for them in any way. We do that and they will stay alert - we let them alone and they will get complacent enough that when we do strike it will be a surprise. The TAC Team is undercover and fully armed. Jurell tells me that one of the engineers has a means to spy on the Enforcers. We'll need the crew to come up with a method to isolate communications, disable the collars and take out the Enforcers. The TAC Team will be accompanying Tebrianne to the Windsor to snatch Salinger back during the disruption, and an Away Team has to get into the station that holds the codes to the Gateway back to our universe."

She nodded, listening and absorbing everything, filing away facts and mentally making lists.

He looked at Shirik with a grin. "That's where you come in. Apparently the Drokari are major players in this realm. A visiting Royal Princess has a lot of clout. Get together with Farrell and put a team together of who you'll need. It will have to be guile that gets you in - I'm sure Farrell can think of something suitable for a Drokari Princess. We need those codes, and apparently the Gate is operated from the station. That has to be sabotaged as well. We need to blow the fusion reactors at the base of the station, and that can only be done from the inside."

She raised an eyebrow, then the other joined it. He wanted her to lead the mission? It took a moment for anything else to sink in, and she nodded. "Ok... yes... sure..." Her mind was already awhirl with plans, ideas, crew bios, and lists of materials that would be needed. "Someone will need to be disguised," she said with a small frown. "A Drokari princess never goes anywhere without being accompanied by at least one bodyguard or slave...."

"I'll be going with you," he affirmed. "Right now though, I can't be on the planning. The Nightingale will be used. It's the only ship we have capable of leaving Sulu without being detected. Stealth in this mission is paramount. Find a way for us to get in, stay for a few hours and get out. Long enough to plant the explosives and activate the Gate. The Sulu will have to grab Salinger and make a run for the Gate. The Nightingale can get you through the Gate when we make our run. It will have to be planned with precision timing. I don't plan on leaving anyone behind."

She nodded, thinking on all this. "We'll need a plan of the station, if possible. Is that something Tebrianne can get for us?"

"It's the same as DS9," he nodded. "Heavily defended, heavily armed. An attack by the Sulu won't cut it. It has to be done from the inside. The explosives will need to be set in the turbine rings surrounding the fusion reactors. Destabilize two reactors and they will cascade. If you can get the Nightingale inside the shields, you should be able to beam a small team down into the reactor areas with sensor inhibitors. That's the easy part. It's getting access to the codes that will be hard. You'll need to get access to the computer systems and we don't know what else. You'll have to find that out once you're there. The Sulu will wait for your signal that you're opening the Gate and make a run for it."

She nodded. The codes would be her job, she knew. Blowing the reactors would be easy by comparison, to her mind. Everything would have to be timed perfectly. Get in, get the codes, plant the explosives, open the gate, blow the station, escape... Two ships, two away teams, and nobody left behind. No small undertaking. She let out a breath she didn't realize she'd been holding.

Benedict smiled in the semi darkness. "I have complete confidence in you, Shiri. Just make sure Farrell doesn't try anything too crazy. We need to make sure this universe never gets a chance to use that gate - even if we can't use it, we have to stop their invasion plans. Tebrianne says that the massed armada at the Gate dwarfs the Dominion fleet that attacked the Federation. They have the resources of Alpha, Beta and Gamma Quadrants behind this push. We have to stop it or nothing will once they gain our universe. Contingency plans must be considered that destroy the gate and the station regardless. We have no choice."

She glanced up at him. Nobody but Caly used to call her that, but it seemed to be catching on. "No matter what happens, I'll make sure that thing gets destroyed," she said.

He nodded, satisfied that she would do what was necessary. "We'll all get home," he said with conviction. "You know what to do, I'll leave you to get down to details. Just make sure that whoever you speak to knows that we are doing everything we can to protect the crew, and get them home. Tebrianne is talking with Damhnait...Commander Sefton. As senior medical officer she's less likely to be watched as closely. We need her on that away team as well, her ability to read minds may be important, and her abilities are significant."

"Indeed, I'm sure her skills will be very useful," she said, watching him in the dim candlelight. "I'll get together with Farrell as soon as I can to get started planning."

Benedict smiled and sighed, brushing a hand through his raven hair. "It's been difficult for you hasn't it?" he asked softly.

She said nothing for a moment, caught off-guard by the question. "What?"

"Our situation," he said, looking into her eyes. "How you feel...about me."

She had the urge to lower her gaze, but forced herself not to. "I'll survive," she said quietly. "It's my problem... not yours."

"You're wrong about that," he said quietly. "It affects both of us. It's in your eyes when you look at me. Everyone saw it when we danced...and it put me in an awkward situation, especially with Tayla. I want to remain friends with you. More than that...we understand each other. So...we need to talk about it. We need to be honest about the way we feel."

She did look away at that, so he couldn't see what was in her eyes. "What good will talking about it do? It won't make it go away, it won't change anything..."

"Maybe not, but being honest is what makes a friend." He looked down at his fingers as they played with a loose thread from the couch. "You know, after our first...dinner, there was a moment there...where things could have been very different. I wasn't sure, and you didn't say anything...or do anything, so the moment passed. But I want you to know that I felt it too. I wouldn't have pursued Lyrr. I didn't understand it, but I was drawn to you. Things are different now, but we could still be friends."

She closed her eyes. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that?" she whispered. "Do you think I haven't been regretting it ever since?" She paused to take a breath and will herself not to let any tears free. "I was never not your friend, Ben."

"I know," he nodded, and looked up into her eyes. "Karma neh? Now Tebrianne is back too, and she still loves me. You know, you're the only person I can talk about this with. I'm caught in a difficult situation, again. I love, Tay, and I'm going to marry her, Shirik, but what happens if Tebrianne thinks there's nothing left to go back home to? So I have to make her think there still might be a chance for her and I after we get home...and I feel disgusted with myself for doing that. But the crew have to get home, and I can't chance her turning on us because of me."

She opened her eyes once more, not wanting to believe what she was hearing. She could empathize with Tebrianne, having wondered briefly herself how much there was to go back to. "I suppose I should be thankful you're not stringing me along, too." she said, her voice dull. She could only imagine what Tebrianne would go through once they reached home and she learned the truth.

"I'm not stringing her along, Shirik. I won't lie to her, I just...I haven't said it's an impossibility. She knows that I intend to marry Tayla, I've made it clear enough that I love her, but the more time I spend with Teb, the more feelings are coming back. I don't know whether I'm stringing her along - or whether it's me who's denying the truth. I can't untangle myself from all the memories we shared. It's all coming back, and with it comes the feelings...and I can't seem to deny her. It's like she has a back way into my heart. I still love her, Shirik. I never stopped loving her. She just went away and I had to cope with that...but now she's back and it's not as clear cut as I thought it would be. Tayla deserves my whole heart, not part of it."

Shirik sighed. It was a mess, and no matter what happened with Tebrianne or Tayla, it wouldn't make any difference to Shirik. She'd still be the one out in the cold. "If you're looking for advice, I gave you all I'm capable of in this situation. But I'm not you, so ultimately whatever choice there is is yours to make. We all have choices to make."

"I know that," he frowned. "Sometimes just putting the thoughts into words helps. It's a mess is what it is," he echoed her thoughts. "I'm sorry for unloading on you, it's not fair, is it?"

"Indeed it is," she agreed. "It's... painful, but I am your friend, and as they say, that's what friends are for." She paused for a moment. "Since we're unloading... I've decided, when we do get back to our own universe, and out of the Gamma quadrant, to leave the Sulu."

He nodded. "Because of me?" he asked.

"No. Because of me. I'm just not...equipped...to deal with all this. Staying here wouldn't help anyone, and could just make things worse." She sighed. "The few I've told are all trying to persuade me to change my mind, but then none of them are in this situation."

He smiled tightly. "I'm sure Tayla would gladly approve of your transfer request," he said a little bitterly.

"No doubt," she said, regarding him. "Would you wish it otherwise?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation. "What if I asked you to stay? Would you stay for me?"

She sighed. "That's hardly fair, Ben," she said. Did he realize just how hard it was for her to deny him? "Why would you ask me to?"

"Because I trust you. Because I want you to stay. Because you are my friend, and because I care about you." He stared into her eyes as he counted off the reasons. "Because you understand me. Because I can talk to you, and because I don't want you to leave."

Her eyes were sad. "And what's in it for me?" she had to ask. Other than more pain and regret, she thought but didn't say.

"Maybe the same things," he replied.

She sighed. "It's not the same, Ben, and you know it. What if you could only be friends with Tayla? If she loved someone else? Wouldn't it hurt you to be around her, to see her? To be so close to her and yet..." she trailed off, unable to say any more.

"I'd rather have her close and a friend than lose her entirely," he admitted, "but I accept your point. You'd rather not know me at all than see me with someone else? You know that's the greatest problem with women. They can never just be friends. It's all or nothing," he said bitterly. "It doesn't matter a damn to you that you just might be my closest friend...or that I care about you, but sorry I'm not in love with you!" He used his arms to propel him up out of the sofa and stood facing her. "It's all about you isn't it? You can't have me so you're going to run away. Shirik you'll meet someone else - what about Saavar? I know you are sleeping with him! I can't understand you. You're in love with me, but you sleep with him and you date Jurell. Have you slept with Jurell yet?" he asked pointedly. "You share yourself around yet you can't stand to see me in a relationship with a woman I love!" He shook his head. "Who's selfish?"

She got to her feet as well, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. "I've done more for you as a friend than I have for anyone else in my life," she said tightly. "I ripped my own heart out of my chest in that arboretum and handed it to Lyrr Tayla, for you. And you'd rather I stay here knowing the pain it will cause me than want me to find some peace. That's the problem with men, they want to have their cake and eat it, too. And who I sleep with is none of your damn business!"

Her jaw tightened as she forced her mouth shut. She'd already said more than she'd wanted to, and didn't dare say any more.

He stared hard at her. "So it is all about you."

"Don't presume to judge me, Ben, you don't even know me. If any of my sisters were here on this ship instead of me, they'd have tried to seduce you in the arboretum instead of help you. They'd have slept with half the damn ship by now, just for fun, to try them on for size. They'd have not only kissed you that night after dinner, they'd have taken you to their bed without even giving a damn who you are or what you care about, just to be able to say they had." Her shoulders sagged a bit as she thought about her sisters. How weak and pathetic she would seem to them now. She sank back down onto the sofa.

"I slept with Saavar because the alternative was to watch him die. I never intended it to be for more than that one night, I never expected to be mate bonded to him, and now... His wife on Vulcan is already seeking a new mate, so he can't rebond with her, and I don't know how long it will be before he finds someone else and isn't stuck in my head any more. What if he decides he likes things the way they are and doesn't even try to look?"

She rubbed her temple as the beginnings of a headache made itself known. "What Saavar and I have now is pretty much what a marriage is like on Drokar, only nicer. We're together, we're bonded, but we don't love each other, and if either of us decided to sleep with someone else, the other one wouldn't care. That's what nearly all marriages are like on my homeworld, my parents' included. But that's not what I want my marriage to be like someday. Once I didn't care, but now that I've tasted what love is, I know that's what I want, not some marriage that doesn't even matter. But I don't think that's even possible for me."

"How do you know what love is?" he asked pointedly. "Love is having someone who loves you back!"

"I know what I feel. And if that's what love is, then... I guess I never will." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "It has to be in both people... I look around this ship and it seems so easy for everyone around me."

"Everyone around you opens themselves up to the danger of getting hurt in the hopes of finding someone who will love them instead," he said more kindly. "You think you love me, Shirik, but you don't. You may admire some of my qualities," he stepped closer to her and squatted down at her knees. He took her hands in his. "You might enjoy the way I look, my sense of humour, the way I understand you in many ways...but you don't know me. I haven't shown you the me that I share with Tayla. You really don't know me, Shirik. You don't love me, because you don't know me in a way that I allow a woman to know me whom I love. You have no intimate knowledge of how I behave with the woman I love. You don't know how I kiss, how I make love. You don't know me. You don't even recognise what qualities I desire in a woman, or why I love Tayla at all. You don't know what it's like to be in a loving relationship because you refuse to share who you are."

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she kept her gaze on their hands. "Then what the hell is this I feel?" she whispered. "And how do I get rid of it? I'm not even sure I know who I am any more."

"It's okay to feel the way you feel." He lifted a hand and brushed away her tear, speaking softly and with tenderness. "We both felt something but it's attraction, sexual...and the beginnings of love for you but not for me. I'm sorry, Shirik, but we are too different. We always will be. If we had started something that night...we would have tried. Maybe we would have succeeded. I don't think it would be difficult to love you. You just have to find someone who will feel the same way toward you as you do for them. But that's not me. Not now."

More tears spilled free at his gentle touch, and she nodded, not trusting her voice to speak.

He sighed, knowing that what he'd said did hurt, but he wanted her to see that it wasn't him she was in love with. It was the idea of him. She couldn't love someone she didn't know, but she could love and that was a big step for her. He knelt fully in front of her and drew her in to a hug. "I'm sorry, Shirik," he whispered, "I don't want to lose my friend."

She clung to him tightly, burying her face against his shoulder as she cried freely, just releasing all the pent-up emotions of the past few days and weeks. She couldn't speak for a long time, just taking comfort from his arms as he had in hers.

Benedict held her, rubbing her back and just being there. The past few days had been torment on him too. Caught between Tebrianne and Tayla, Shirik and her feelings, his responsibility to the crew and the ship. It was taking a huge toll on him, and he was feeling drained and weary beyond endurance. He needed sleep, and he needed solitude. He knew that he wasn't about to get either.

Finally her tears ceased, and she just breathed for a while, catching her breath and trying to find some measure of composure once more. She left her face against his shoulder as she said quietly, "I'm sorry, Ben..."

"What for?" he asked gently. "You've done nothing to be sorry for."

"For all the problems I've caused you. I didn't think I'd done anything wrong before, but now... if I embarrassed or dishonored you at the party... I didn't intend to."

"No...you've caused no problems," he replied.

She finally raised her head to look into his eyes. "If that's so, then why haven't we seen each other in two months?" she said quietly. "True, I was avoiding you, but you didn't go out of your way to look me up, either."

"Okay...maybe one problem." He chuckled. "Tayla."

"I talked to her, once, when we were both in sickbay. She asked me about how I felt about you." She shook her head as she remembered. "She is so insecure... She doubted your love for her... I don't understand how she could."

"It's complicated," he replied. He drew away from her then. Standing he said. "I'd better go."

Her arms suddenly felt very empty. She nodded, sitting back on the sofa once more. "Yeah..."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, Shirik. I have to go. Think about what I said...we'll work it out, but my life is getting so complicated." He looked at her and nodded. "Too complicated. I'll see you later." He backed toward the door and then he was gone.

---

"When The Beating of Your Heart Echoes the Beating of the Drums"

Lieutenant Xayella Tagliesh; Chief Science Officer
Ensign Mason Farrell; Operations Officer

Location: USS Sulu, Tagliesh's office
Stardate: 57910.18 20h10

***

"Terminal problems, Lieutenant?" Farrell asked politely, his toolkit slung over his shoulder as he entered her office.

Xayella smiled, observing Farrell appreciatively as she leaned back in her chair. "My terminal is having problems," she repeated slowly, then with greater conviction, "yes, it is. What took you so long?"

"Oh, you know," Farrell said offhandedly as he unzipped his kit and regarded the terminal, "dodging authority, trying not to get punished, dealing off the bottom of the deck. The usual."

Xay chuckled. "Of course." And watched him key up the console's subroutines.

"If you don't mind me asking," he said, his voice going soft and respectful. "How are you holding up?"

"Me?" She shrugged, downcast eyes studying her laced fingers. "Well...as good as can be expected. Matt's there, at the mercy of that bitch's violent whims, and I'm here, incapable of doing anything." Cheerily, she asked, "You?"

"I'm sorry," Farrell offered gently, ignoring her question.

"Well...it's nothing really." She cleared her throat and nodded towards the console. "So...what's the diagnosis then?"

"Well," Farrell said, moving on, "it looks like a mechanical failure. We'll need new parts. Didn't we have a mechanical problem with this terminal before?"

"We did," she affirmed, smiling conspiratorially. "Though, we fixed that one fine, didn't we? This one should be just as easy, shouldn't it?"

"Depends on how you define easy," Farrell said, pulling out a tricorder and keying it into the terminal. "I hear there's been an interesting little edict handed down by our interim captain."

"Another?" Xay snorted.

"Apparently," Farrell said, all small-talk, "women are off-limits to the enforcers. Seems the head goon had designs on the good Ensign Lektar, and the captain put out the word that women weren't to be forced to 'attend' the enforcers."

Xayella nodded pensively, digesting the content of his apparent trivial chitchat. "Well...that's certainly noble of dear Captain Tebrianne."

"Yep. Wonder what would happen if an enforcer broke that rule," he wondered aloud.

"Judging from their propensity for inflicting pain, I'd say that would be one unlucky woman," Xayella gathered.

"Me too. Of course," he shrugged, "the physical wounds could be easily taken care of in sickbay. I imagine the big risk to both sides would be in the accusation itself."

Xayella narrowed her eyes keenly at Farrell, and tried to mask her curious smile as she leaned forward. "The accusation? Really?"

"Sure. I mean, if an accusation's leveled, and there's a medical examination to back it up, what's the captain to think?"

"Well, if I were her," Xayella mused, "I'd think my precious enforcers were disobeying me outright."

"Me too. I wonder how she'd respond."

With a snort, Xayella replied definitively, "The man likely would no longer have the equipment necessary to try it again, if my first impression of the bitch is any indication."

"True," Farrell mused, falling silent for a moment. Then, almost absently, "By tomorrow night, I bet the enforcers will be pretty," he met her eyes and smirked, "upset that they can't do anything about all the attractive women on board. Especially the feisty ones."

"Feisty? As in Lektar?" She grinned. "As in myself? These men don't look the type to appreciate a strong-willed woman."

"Oh, I don't know about that. They're looking for people to tame. And who knows how much or how little it'd take to set one off?"

Her eyes met his, the look alone sharing acknowledgment that they'd achieved the same wavelength. Xayella smiled approvingly. "Well...I can think of a woman or two..."

"Me too," Farrell said, snapping his tricorder shut. "Well, I think we've identified a possible route to a solution, Lieutenant. I'll get the parts ordered from Engineering, assuming we can get approval from the guard down there. Anything else I can do for you, sir?"

"Oh, not at all, Ensign." She languidly sat back again, regarding Farrell in admiration. "You've done quite enough, I think."

"Then I'm off to medical. They've got a laser scalpel that needs tuning."

"So they do," she muttered thoughtfully. "Thank you for the repair. I'm certain there's something else you can fix for me...say...tomorrow night?"

"I'll be in touch," he said, with a look of understanding.

And he was gone.

---

"Unlikely Pair"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
Lieutenant Brennyn Scott, Chief Counsellor

Location: Arboretum, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57910.18, 23h30

***

It was late, and the holographic environment of the arboretum was in night mode, the only light that of flickering stars overhead. If there had been a moon, the sole current occupant of the area had had it turned off.

Shirik sat alone inside the cave where she'd planted her tasmos, the artificial green light used to help it grow also turned off. She liked the dark, she felt safe in it, hidden from prying eyes. At the moment, this cave was the only place on board she felt any measure of safety at all.

Recent events weighed heavily on her, mentally and emotionally, and she could come here to meditate, think, dwell, or release, whatever she needed. Tonight she was thinking, and remembering.

Brennyn Scott entered the Arboretum, sighing in a combination of relief and self-reproach. One part of her knew she should be "out there" carrying on with business as usual in an attempt to keep the crew as calm as possible with Enforcers roaming the decks, but the reality of the situation was like a spectre, always present, but never quite within reach. Painsticks kept people in line, and aside from the physical effects of such punishment, there was also the challenge of coping with the psychological uncertainty, the tension.

Never before had the saying "Counselors have to be all things to all people" seemed more accurate than in that moment. She had to trust that Tebrianne was going to keep her in the loop, so that perhaps, just perhaps, she had a shot at keeping her crew safe. Bree had to believe in what she was telling people no matter her own uncertainty and fear, no matter how surely she thought they could see through it. Acknowledging fear was a luxury of feeling safe. To acknowledge was to risk being paralyzed, unable to do what needed to be done.

In the quiet moments she allowed herself here she thought briefly of Matt, wondering if he were safe. She thought of Ben and just how he might be dealing with this latest shock, or perhaps whether he was dealing at all...

She shifted restlessly on her feet, finding no solace in the environment. Bree turned to go, but stopped upon hearing a rustling sound. "Hello? Is someone here?"

The sound had been made when Shirik, upon hearing movement outside, moved to the cave entrance to peer out. Her night vision showed her the warm red form of not an Enforcer, but the chief counsellor. For a moment she considered staying silent until the woman left. But something, perhaps curiosity, made her answer. "I am," she said quietly. "Ensign Lektar." She stepped from the cave so she could be seen better. "Computer, re-insert the moon." The area was lit a bit brighter as the full moon winked back on in the false sky overhead.

Shirik was still dressed in uniform, with her hair in its ever-present braid down her back. "If you wish to be alone, I can leave," she offered.

Bree held up a hand. "Please don't. I could actually use the company if you don't mind."

Shirik regarded her for a moment, then nodded. "Very well." She folded her hands behind her back.

Scott looked upward and took a deep breath. "The view almost lets me forget all that's happening aboard, if only for a few minutes. But I probably don't have to tell you that, do I?"

"No," she said quietly. "We all need solitude at times."

Brennyn smiled to herself. "Most definitely." Then she recalled Lektar's words and frowned. "Would you like me to leave? I didn't mean to distract you from whatever it was you were doing."

"No, it's all right. I wasn't really doing anything. Just thinking, and I've done enough of that."

"Tell me about it," agreed Scott. "No sense crying or getting a migraine over things that aren't within our control..." She continued to stare above for a few long moments before finally sighing. "That said, it doesn't make things any easier, does it? No matter how much I tell myself I can't control what other people do, say or feel, I still sometimes feel responsible for a great many things."

"Indeed," she said, her tone indicating she understood all too well. "So, what do you do to make yourself feel better about it?"

Brennyn looked to her and shrugged. "I give myself time, mostly. I try not to beat myself up too much. Even if I know my feelings are somewhat irrational, perhaps to others as well as myself, I acknowledge that they are real to me and should not be ignored or pushed aside. Such actions only make me feel worse, so I find it best to let myself feel them." She laughed. "I'd like to think I control the time, place and people with which I share things, but I know better. Sometimes emotions simply get the better of us."

Shirik looked down at that, studying her boots. "Emotions can be very troublesome. I understand now why Vulcans have eradicated them from their way of life. And why my own people..." She stopped. "How does feeling make you feel any better than pushing them aside?"

"That's just it," Brennyn replied, "there's really no such thing as eradicating all emotion from one's life, only suppression, pushing it aside. The Vulcans haven't stopped feeling, they've simply chosen to suppress their emotions most of the time. But even they can't do it forever, and when everything comes bubbling to the surface every seven years, the loss of control they experience is far greater than everything they feared and more. I have great respect for all people, but in my opinion, the Vulcans have set themselves up for the greatest self-fulfilling prophecy in the universe. They use Pon Farr to justify why suppression and self-control are so important when venting a little emotion every now and then can be very dignified and healthy."

She sighed. "I don't mean to preach, I'm sorry. But...speaking as someone who recently experienced an emotional melt-down after keeping things in for awhile, I can only say that pushing things aside only delays matters. Sooner or later, you have to deal, and the longer you wait, the less control you have over when and how it happens."

Shirik was quiet, just listening and thinking on the words. An uncontrollable emotional breakdown was not pretty to see, she knew first-hand. She didn't want to end up there herself in time. She just nodded.

Scott grew more apologetic. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk this much or make you uncomfortable. I should be getting back. If there's something I can do for you, let me know, ok?"

"You didn't, so don't apologize," she said. She paused, then said, "You too."

Bree turned back, inwardly surprised that Shirik would extend something close to friendship. Outwardly she just smiled wanly. "Thanks...for listening." And with that, the doors closed behind her, leaving the unlikely counselor and would-be client, alone.

---

"Memories of the Past"
"Captain" Tebrianne Bancroft
and Lt. Commander Benedict T'Kal

Location: Ship's Lounge, USS Sulu
Stardate 57910.18, 23h37

***

Tebrianne had spent a considerable amount of time in the lounge that night. Looking around, spirits still seemed high, despite the situation on the ship. Music always helped, and at her encouragement, Kit Markham had gathered his band and they'd started to play. At first, the Enforcers were displeased, but her support of the music had quickly put them off causing trouble. It wouldn't have been good to upset their music-loving commanding officer. So the Suluists had played a few sets, but things were starting to wind down. The synthehol had been passed around, and it had helped to loosen people up.

Some of the fear had been alleviated and the crew was enjoying their time here, despite their captors. Tebrianne could only hope that the freedom they were feeling wouldn't cause the hidden plans to backfire.

Since the Suluists had left the stage, she'd been sitting and watching. She'd been playing around with the guitar Kit Markham had given her earlier, contentedly strumming away at the strings. It took a bit, but she realized she'd been playing a song she and Ben had written together on the Galaxy. As if summoned, she looked up to find him approaching.

"'ey you," she said with a grin, her eyes lighting up at the sight of him. She pushed out a chair with a booted foot. "Was just sittin' around playing and listening and...relaxing. The band's not bad, though they've got a fairly raw sound. It's good though."

Benedict T'Kal wasn't in uniform. He wore a loose white shirt and black trousers with a sash at the waist in Klingon style, and black reptile skin boots that shone faintly with the light from the overheads. His mid-back length hair was unbound and hung in a glossy raven cape over his shoulders. His handsome face was beset by a frown, made more harsh by his Bajoran brow ridges.

Tayla was on the Bridge while Tebrianne was doing as she pleased, and Benedict had been using the last couple of hours to talk to everyone in the security department, passing word and encouragement and making arrangements for the TAC Team's daily rations.

It wasn't abnormal for most of the security department to eat heartily, and some of them had gotten into the habit of taking snacks back to quarters. It was no problem with the few enforcers that guarded the lounge - as everyone knew replicators were off-line in personal quarters. All they were doing was eating...and so extra food was being smuggled into the Jefferies Tubes. It was a problem they hadn't considered.

So now he was walking the decks, visiting every section and showing his face and making sure that the crew of the Sulu were not pushing the Enforcers, that any grievances were heard, and that more importantly the morale remained high despite the circumstances.

Last stop was the Lounge. He nodded at the few crew eating and talking quietly, and made his way across to Tebrianne.

Her smile seemed to ignite as she saw him, and he felt a pang of guilt, but he shouldered that aside and smiled in return. "Hey," he said as he spun the chair and sat on it in reverse. "Where do I know that tune?" he asked, knowing full well. His eyes flicked to the guitar and back to hers. "I wish I'd brought my guitar..."

"I do too," she said. "I'm sure we could swipe you a loaner if yer up for some playing. And, it was after our second date, I think. We wrote it together in my quarters while Jules was off being Jules. I get it stuck in my 'ead every now and again. Been so long since I played it. I've missed spending time in the lounge with the music. It's a nice change, but I can't let anyone see me going too soft 'ere."

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip as he settled with his arms on the back of the chair. "I guess I should fill you in on a few things," he mused with a wry smile. "After you...left, Jules and I...we...we got together for a while." He looked at her to gauge her reaction. "I'd found out what had been done to me, and it had been put mostly right by then.. and she missed you so. I think it was just the both of us missed you, we found something in each other that helped us get through it. We're still good friends Jules and I. She's on the real Windsor.. assistant chief engineer."

Tebrianne smiled. "If I had to pick someone for you after I was gone, it'd be Jules. When we get back over, I'll have to contact 'er. It's been lonely 'ere for me, at least in that way. No one ever felt right and... and I just couldn't. A few blokes tried to force the matter, but they learned right quick it wasn't worth the effort. There were a couple times, about a year after, but it was empty. I came out if it feeling worse than I went in. It's strange, you look around 'ere, and there's sexuality every where you look. People go off together all the time. But it's all conquests and power struggles. You spoiled me...just an emotionless romp, I can't do it. I don't think the thing with Marco affected it at all, or at least not much. I had to get pretty good with my hands." She grinned, then blushed. "I can't believe I just said that."

Ben laughed and blushed as well. "Prophets, girl..." but the reference to Marco chilled him, and his eyes lost some of their warmth. "You wouldn't know...or would you?" He looked up at her. "I went through everything that happened to you with Marco...you shared it with me..." A little of his fear manifested then. "Everything. I think it was the bond we shared..."

"Oh, Ben," she said as a mixture of guilt and anguish washed over her features. "I'm...I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have...oh bloody..." She closed her eyes to hold back the tears forming there. "No one should 'ave to go through that. I wanted to share everything I felt with you, but not that...never that." She took several deep breaths, then opened her eyes to regard him. "I'm so very sorry. I should have tried to close it, so you wouldn't have to feel, to go through that. I didn't know it was that strong... I can feel it now though, between us. I was so confused, after we separated. I thought I'd done something wrong. I never meant to 'urt you by sharing that part of me with you, Ben. I just...I wanted us to be as close as possible."

He looked away, feeling saddened. "We were too close I think," he said quietly. "I have so many of your memories...so many experiences that aren't mine, and after you'd gone it was like half of my soul was missing...and I dreamed of you all the time. Your eyes...I have a painting I did of you that I hung on my wall. The eyes follow you no matter where you are in the room. It's in the cargo bay now...I put it away...about three months ago. When I knew that I had to move on." He looked up at her and his own eyes were glistening. "I had to let you go, Teb. I just couldn't carry a dead person around with me anymore..."

Tebrianne reached over and slipped her hand into his. "I understand," she whispered. "It hurts, but I understand. It was five years. Though, I guess it is somewhat ironic that I'm just a few months too late. You should have got sucked into the mirror universe a few months ago, Love." As she watched him, she pulled her hand back and started slowly playing her guitar. "I don't mind not knowing / what I'm headed for / You can take me to the skies... / It's like being lost in heaven..."

Benedict smiled and rubbed the ache in his eyes. Listening to her singing again was like a knife cut - it opened a deep wound. But she still had a clear voice that held a serene quality to it.

Teb allowed herself to be lost slightly in the song, but never so much that she lost any awareness of Ben next to her. Finally, the song ended, and she set the guitar aside and watched him. "We're going to 'ave to find you a guitar," she said softly. "It's no fun playing alone, not with you sitting there."

"Mine is in our quarters." He snatched up the one she'd been using and strummed experimentally on it. It held only six strings but it would do. His fingers began to pluck at the notes, and then he stood, put one leg up on the chair and started to play in earnest. The complex note formations were classical and fast paced, Flamenco style with a Bajoran twist and thumping rhythm. His voice started as a quiet lilting but picked up pace too as his fingers blurred. He played with a passion that he hadn't had in a long time, with a song that was filled with dark forbidden love and unfulfilled yearning and tears.

When he finished he was sweating with the effort and he laughed to clear his head and held the instrument out to her. "We'll play together another time," he said breathlessly. "We have to watch that your loyalty is not questioned," he said quietly with meaning.

"Good idea," Teb said with a slow nod. "You look like you could use some fresh air. What do you say to a walk?"

"It's late," he said with meaning, "and Tayla will be off the Bridge in a few minutes." He smiled though and shrugged. "We usually share a meal after shift, and she needs to know what I've been doing for the last few hours."

"I understand," Tebrianne said, a hint of sadness creeping through in her voice, and stood. She took the guitar and slung the strap over her shoulder. "I'll see you later, Ben."

He nodded and gave her a slight smile. "Next time I'll bring my guitar," he said as he turned away. "I'll see you on the Bridge." With that he left her alone, the notes of her song were still echoing in his mind. The music stayed with him even in his dreams.

---