"Conspiring Minds...."
By: Commander Lyrr Tayla
and Lieutenant Mark Thaine

Location: Main Engineering, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57908.24, 13h54

***

It had taken far too long to get this far, decided Mark Thaine, as he readied himself for the final, and most crucial stage of the repairs. The tests on every aspect of the core seemed to have dragged on for an eternity. And they'd already made the attempt, without success, once already.

It wasn't terribly surprising, though. Their last mission, from an engineering perspective, had been nothing less than a disaster. Hull breaches on at least two decks, the warp core left barely stable, three turbolifts down, life-support failures, depressurisations...the list went on.

Now, at long last, their week of recovery at JJ324c was nearly over, and they were about to get underway again. Assuming, of course, they could get the core back online this time.

"We've been having some problems," Ito had explained to him. Which was her way of telling him that more faults had appeared in the ship's systems than any of them had expected. When he'd asked what sort, she'd just warned him that she wasn't sure they'd be able to stabilize it on the first attempt.

She'd been right, of course. The first attempt at bringing the core online was a near disaster in itself, almost causing an overloud in one of the nacelles. Thaine had ordered a full level 1 diagnostic on all the systems, and pulled a double shift to over-see it all. And now they'd see if it had all paid off.

"Right, is everyone ready?" he shouted out. A scattering of affirmatives responded. "Alright...you know the routine. Here we go." With that, Mark Thaine hit a control on his console, beginning the sequence.

"Plasma injectors online," called out one engineer, followed by a number of further status reports.

"Magnetic flux is steady."

"EPS link established."

"So far so good," Mark muttered to himself.

"Wait...magnetic field is becoming unstable. The matter/anti-matter mix is no longer within limits..."

In the privacy of his own head, Thaine said a few words that certainly weren't befitting of a Starfleet Officer. "Can you compensate?" he asked outloud.

"Negative...we're losing the stability of the reaction."

"Abort the procedure!" shouted Thaine, and then sighed. More than a few of the other engineers vocalised their disappointment. They knew it meant more diagnostics, and more time preparing for yet another attempt at bringing the core up and running again.

Stepping away from the console, the Chief Engineer ordered another full set of diagnostics, and to be ready to try again next shift. As he stormed toward his office, he noticed, with some surprise, Commander Lyrr stood at the entrance to Engineering, watching proceedings. "Come to enjoy the show, Commander?" the engineer asked her bitterly.

She chuckled. "From the tone of your voice, it sounds like you aren't." Proceeding forward, she followed Thaine, directly into his office without invitation. With the doors closed behind them, she said, "We need to talk."

Brushing a few empty coffee mugs aside, Thaine perched on the edge of his desk. "People always say that when they've got bad news." He shrugged. "So what's the bad news, Commander? I've got another high flyer from Starfleet HQ coming to annoy the hell out of me?"

"No," she sighed, settling into one of the pair of chairs before Thaine, "just the rest of us." Lyrr smiled to quell his anxieties, though it would likely be ineffective in a few moments. "It's not bad news, Lieutenant. It's just...you've been working very hard these past couple months, and judging from those bags under your eyes and that day-old stubble, I'd say you're pushing yourself to exhaustion. Am I right?" Lyrr held up a hand to stay his response for a moment, just long enough to assure him, "Anything you say to me is in confidence. And I won't think any less of you, or doubt your abilities if you admit anything to me."

Raising a hand to rub the aforementioned stubble, Thaine looked at her quizzically. "This is...what? You think I'm going to have some sort of nervous breakdown from over-working?" It was impossible to tell if the engineer was amused or annoyed.

"I don't think that," Lyrr replied. "But I do think, after these repairs are near completion and the major damages are taken care of, you should take a break - just cut down on your hours for a while, that's all."

"Is that an order, Commander? No, wait..." Thaine help up a hand. "Before you answer, go back a second there. You say you don't think that? So who does?" For all his plain speaking, the Lieutenant was surprisingly good at reading between the lines sometimes.

Lyrr shrugged. "A certain well-wisher, that's all. And no, Lieutenant, it's not an order, but" --she scooted forward in her seat to fix a serious gaze upon the surly engineer-- "if there is ever a doubt that you're unfit for duty because you're burned out, you do know who's next in line, don't you?" Lyrr smiled knowingly. "And we don't want that," she whispered, "do we?"

The smile seemed to disarm Thaine somewhat, as well as edge a smile onto his own face. "No...I don't think we do." They looked at each other for a moment in silence, envisioning the ensuing chaos if Grixble Flummox ever became Chief Engineer, and almost daring each other to be the first to react to that idea outwardly.

Surprisingly, it was Thaine who broke first, his rare, baritone chuckle filling the confines of his office. It was his reaction that ended Lyrr's own struggle to remain straight-faced; it wouldn't do to share in mockery of an officer under her command, but she was incapable of withholding her own snickers any longer. It was only averting her gaze from Thaine's glowing expression of amusement that allowed her to stifle further laughter, but her body still shook with silent chuckles.

"Alright, Commander," Thaine said, composure regained. "Since we don't want that, here's the deal. I'm fine. I feel fine. I'm stressed; so what? I like being stressed. It's what I'm used to. Hell, I enjoy it. But you say there's some folk who think I'm gonna collapse from exhaustion, right? Fine. As it happens I was going to have to get out of here anyway. The repairs are almost done, and I've gotta organise that ridiculous ceremony for Zareb. That'll take some time."

"Ceremony?" Lyrr riffled through her slightly less than organized mind, but found nothing. She sighed and threw up her arms. "You've got me. What ceremony?"

"I'd have thought Starfleet would have told you. Who can figure them, anyway? No, he's been awarded some fancy engineering thing, and Admiral A'ril, delightful Vulcan that she is, has decided I'm the only one worthy of presenting him with it." He picked up an empty coffee mug as he talked, watching it as he gently threw it from one hand to the other. "Lucky me, huh?"

"Considering your obvious adoration for the man...I'd say, no." Lyrr smiled at his discomfort. "Look...I'm still on light duty and am bored out of my mind. Why don't I help you arrange the ceremony?"

He looked up at her from his mug in surprise. "You really must be bored. But, yeah...sure, I could use the help. If I had my way, I'd just hand him the thing and say 'well done'. That'd be my kinda of ceremony. But that's not gonna be enough for this, is it?" He put the coffee mug back down on the desk, returning it to its companions.

Lyrr shrugged. "I hate grand ceremonies myself," she admitted. "But for something like this, more is required." A nearly mischievous smile spread her lips, and Lyrr leaned forward, even closer to the engineer. "Although...if you truly want to ensure Commander Zareb's ego isn't stroked too greatly by an elaborate ceremony, why not downgrade its importance by turning it into a joint a ceremony for those newly promoted officers? This way, he could hardly secure all the attention for himself."

As she sat back, Mark stood up straight, clapping his hands together, practically grinning, himself. "Now I know why they made you a Commander," he commented, half-teasingly. "When are you free to help with this? I've still got a warp core to get up and running..." He gestured vaguely toward the lifeless core through the plexiglass window of his office, though without shifting his gaze from the Commander.

"The minute it's up," she answered, "comm me. I'll begin preliminary preparations for the ceremony in the meantime."

Thaine nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Commander."

"Thank me when this is all over and the counsellors no longer have an interest in your well-being." She smiled evenly at the engineer and with a touch of sympathy for his position as recipient of unsolicited concern, one she herself was in.

As she exited his office, there was comfort in the knowledge that at least she was on his side. The artful commander was a fortunate ally to have in the endless battle against the meddlesome counsellors, and combined with Thaine's stalwart nature, they'd convince Potts his unwanted attentions were better focused elsewhere.

---

"Fair Exchange"
By: Lt. Commander Benedict T'Kal
Commander Lyrr Tayla

Location: Lyrr and Ben's Quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate 57908.24, 16h32

***

The table setting wasn't as elegant as she was capable of arranging, but Lyrr Tayla was far more exhausted than she normally allowed herself to be. Reposed feebly in her armchair with legs sprawled and arms dangling over the rests, Lyrr Tayla gazed with half-lidded eyes at the merely adequate preparation, knowing 'adequate' was the most she was going to achieve until completely recuperated.

Too weary to even attempt a change of attire, Lyrr remained in her uniform and awaited Ben's arrival, at which time he would behold her unsatisfactory table arrangement and send her straight to bed. Guiltily, Lyrr wished for just that. It seemed she couldn't get enough of sleep lately. And even as she thought just that, Lyrr's eyes drooped closed and her head fell onto her shoulder. "Forget dinner," she mumbled, and surrendered to the sleep that had been tugging at her.

When Benedict entered the quarters he now shared with Lyrr Tayla he saw her curled up in the comfy chair. He padded across the room and looked down at her, then at the table setting she had prepared. She was thinking about dinner obviously - but she was still too weak. He knelt silently beside the chair and looked more fully into her sleeping face.

He'd almost lost her. She'd died and been brought back. It still made him go cold just thinking about it. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful as she slept. Once again he was filled with an intense feeling of completion. He couldn't imagine being without her. All her problems and issues only made her a more interesting person - complex, vulnerable, strong, yet timid and shy about her own feelings. She was so afraid to love and he loved her so much. He smiled. He didn't want to disturb her. Silently he went into their bedroom and contacted Sikara, ordering dinner for them both for three hours from now - 1900hrs. He also secured his quarters against comm intrusion to allow her to sleep.

He changed out of his uniform, choosing a casual T-shirt and jeans and his soft boots from his drawers before taking a sonic shower. The powerful sonic waves pulsed against his skin and pummelled his muscles and eased the day's stress from his system as he relaxed. Apart from getting clean, the sonic shower gave a tremendous massage.

The image in the mirror was still a little strange. He wiped a shave-cloth over his face to get rid of the unwanted growth, and again his eyes travelled to the absence of white at his forelock. His hair now a uniform raven black that hung past his shoulders in Klingon fashion. He quirked a smile, remembering Case's observation of its length as a weakness, and to a Klingon warrior it was a mark of personal pride to wear it long. To give oneself a weakness - to allow an enemy a chance, in close combat was seen as a mark of a warrior. Perhaps it was all foolishness. But he wore the T'Kal name with pride and as a member of House T'Kal he was expected to do as his family did. Memories of T'Mojak T'Kal, the old warrior and head of the House were still strong - six years ago he'd visited Quonos with Tebrianne and sung Alyessa's Name in the Hall of Warriors as he'd promised her he would. Telling the tale of her fight against her enemies and her death in battle as befitting a Klingon and giving back the respect that she had earned and lost with her capture.

The man in the mirror was older now. He saw things through different eyes, and yet the past was still so hard to let go. He smiled. He did feel older - but renewed. So much sadness and grief and now he had Tayla and a new future. Where would it lead? The violet eyes in the mirror were too serious. But love was a serious subject. Yes, without any doubt in his mind he loved Lyrr Tayla. He loved her for who she was and who she could be and for the faults and the perfections of her. She had almost been taken away from him and seeing Captain Salinger with Xayella in the Computer Core had brought to him how much he wanted to be with Tayla. In the end they had both done their duty.

By the time he re-entered the living room he felt two hundred percent better. Tayla was still fast asleep and he decided to make her more comfortable by shifting her gently to the sofa. She didn't even stir as he removed her boots and wrapped her in the soft quilted Bajoran blanket.

He smiled and kissed her brow and she murmured but remained in sleep, so he took a padd from the desk and sat in the chair beside her and started reading the latest downloads from the Starfleet Tactical Journal. Sitting in complete silence and reading, he felt peaceful. The smile remained on his face as he studied the texts, every-so-often casting a look at Tayla as she slept on. The hours passed quietly.

It was when the door chime rang that Lyrr displayed the first signs of rousing. Sikara's meal was completed and delivered on time, and also disrupted Lyrr's rest. Whimpering quietly and features creasing in mild distress, Lyrr shifted on the sofa until she was sitting upright. Eyes still closed, Lyrr rose and blindly made for the door. "Coming," she murmured.

Benedict chuckled. He got up to answer the chime, so he put both hands on her shoulders and sat her back down as he said, "I'll get it, Love," and kissed her quickly before moving to the door. She was still in semi-conscious confusion as he said his 'thank yous' to the operations officer that had brought the trolley. He pushed the grav trolley to the table, the covered dishes allowing the scent of freshly baked Jom'arun Cakes, Harishat and Hasperat to waft across the room.

The daze was slowly dissipating as Lyrr sat, blinking it away. The aromas permeating the air awakened her senses, and finally recognizing what was occurring in her surroundings, Lyrr turned to face Ben with a broadening grin. "You're back?" Her eyes fell to the trolley of food, then to the abandoned meal on the table. She grimaced. "I tried," she told him apologetically.

He walked over to her and knelt so that he was before her. "I know." He smiled and took her in his arms. "You needed the sleep, Love, and you just looked so beautiful sleeping there, I didn't want to wake you." He kissed her softly, and cupped her cheek, gazing into her dark eyes.

Lyrr pulled back, wearing a wan smile and her fingers brushing over the back of his hand. "I'm still sorry. But, I do promise to stay awake while we eat...if you can keep me entertained," she teased.

He laughed, kissing her again and resting his brow against hers. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, just breathing in her scent and basking in her proximity. "I love you," he whispered, hoarsely.

Lyrr's throat parched and her smile faltered at the forceful urging of her persistent innerself to reply in-kind. She closed her eyes, slipped her trembling arms around his neck and burrowed her face into his neck. "I think..." she whispered, barely loud enough for Ben's perception. "I love you, too," was what she tried to say, but only mouthed the profession. Her fingers weakly closed around the fabric of his shirt. "Thank you," she did manage to utter and pressed her warm lips to his throat.

He held her for a while, stroking her back until finally he pulled back a little. "Come on," he whispered. "Let's eat while it's still hot. You need to eat something substantial." He took hold of both her hands and twined her fingers through his, kissing her hands. He gazed into her eyes, the moment lasting a little longer as he smiled.

"I eat plenty," she told him indignantly. "Just this afternoon, I ate pie in bed."

He groaned and chuckled. He hated that, and she knew it too. "I'm not even going to rise to that one, my Love," he jested as he indeed did rise, bringing her to her feet with him. "Back to the Springball courts with you as soon as we can." He grinned as he playfully slapped her rump. "You know what they say.... A pie in the hand is worth two on the ass."

Lyrr scowled playfully and jabbed him in the arm. "I have the same figure now as I did when I was a young woman. And even if I do" --she chose her words to provoke the greatest reaction-- "expand, will that be so bad?"

"Depends entirely on where you do the expanding." He laughed as he grabbed her around the waist.

"Benedict T'Kal," Lyrr chided between laughs, "I had no idea you were so shallow." Despite his character flaws, Lyrr kissed him soundly. "I guess as long as we can be shallow together...." She patted his stomach, then prodded it inquisitively. "Yep...thought so. Looks like you've been eating in bed, too."

His eyes narrowed. "Bad habits...you are so full of them!" He pulled out her chair and seated her. A moment later the steaming dishes were on the table and the food smelled delightful. Benedict's stomach grumbled loudly as his hunger pangs bit deeply. He looked at Lyrr as if she'd spoken. "I rest my case," he laughed and started heaping food on plates, making sure she had more than she would normally get.

"It's your own fault for not eating when you're supposed to," Lyrr admonished. "Do you even eat lunch during the day?" Before Ben could pull the platter of noodles away, Lyrr snatched up her fork and shoveled another helping onto her plate. She smiled prettily at him.

"Anyone would think you were eating for two." He grinned and laughed.

Lyrr looked down into her plate demurely and chuckled wryly. "Well...we both know that's impossible. Much to your chagrin," she muttered.

As he sat he looked at her. "Why did you say that?" he asked seriously. "Do you think that I resent it?" He kept his tone light, but it was a serious question.

"Resent what?" she replied coyly, yet earnestly. "We aren't...physical. Isn't intimacy integral to any relationship?"

"We are intimate, Tayla," he replied carefully. "We share everything, we sleep together, eat together...we live together. We've shared some deeply personal thoughts and feelings. Isn't that more intimate than sex? We make love in our own way," he smiled.

Snorting with mild skepticism, Lyrr finally raised her eyes towards his. "You don't really believe that, do you? Don't just say that to placate me."

His look displayed just how much she could hurt him without even trying. He was disappointed that she would think that way, but more so that she didn't take him seriously. She was denying that he felt as he did. "You know that I want to make love to you," he replied. "There's no denying that. But if you think that we can't share intimacy on any other level, or that emotional intimacy is any the less for not being intimate physically...." He shook his head. "I've been celibate for a few years, Tayla - casual sex has never interested me. I can't make love to a woman I have no feelings for. I won't. It's just an animalistic act without love - meaningless and degrading."

"I never said you would go out and bed someone else," she told him, a touch wary that he would think of such a thing. "I just think that...if our lack of physical intimacy is a problem you should tell me now."

"It isn't a problem," he stated firmly. "What I meant by that was that I haven't had it for so long it doesn't matter to me - not that I would go out and bed someone else. Do you seriously think I would? Prophets - you think so little of my feelings toward you! Intimacy isn't sex - it's something more. Or do you believe otherwise?" He was irritated and couldn't understand why she was so fixated on their supposed lack of intimacy.

"I don't know what to believe," she snapped, tossing her fork aside to clatter against the plate. "I just know that I want to be with you, I want us to share that...but I can't! Then there's you, recruiting Ensign F'Zal to probe me and wear me down, and the only reason I can think of for you to take such a course of action is because you want Oresh gone! You want him gone so I can slip into bed with you without panicking!" She sighed heavily as her elbows planted firmly on the tabletop, and her face dropped into her waiting hands. "I love you," she whispered tremulously, the admission nearly lost in a sob. "It scares and confuses me to say it...but I do and I don't know how long we can go on like this before it all comes apart... And I'm just afraid that when it does...I'll be lost and broken for good."

He stared at her for a moment - the accusation about F'Zal ringing in his ears and causing an instant flash of anger, which died almost as soon as it was born with her final admission of love. He sat back and made sure his voice was calm. "Yes, I want Oresh gone - in the same way that I'm sure that you want him gone - not just so that I can bed you! The universe doesn't revolve around that, Tayla. It will be okay in time - time has to pass for it to be okay! It's not going to be resolved today, tomorrow or even next month. Maybe it will never be resolved. I don't care. I do care that you love me, and if you do - then it will be okay. You have to have some faith in that. I wish you would do as I am doing - forget about sex. It's unimportant. It's not why I'm with you - and it shouldn't be why you're with me. I'm not going anywhere - and neither are you. You won't be lost and you aren't broken." He sighed.

"What are you talking about with F'Zal? I did not recruit him! He confronted me with a point blank question about why I wanted you to see him! He said that you'd given him permission to ask me!" Benedict put his hands on the table, the food once again forgotten. "I told him I didn't know what he was talking about. I did not at any time speak to him about you or us - and I certainly would never get him to probe you - and if he has or he's using some kind of telepathic trick to get you to talk about what he's seen in your mind, then I'll make sure Scott deals with it." With that said he paused, watching her. He ignored the admission of her love for now. It wasn't the right time for that. Even if it did make him want to hold her in his arms and tell her that it would be okay.

"Fine," she muttered, tightly closing her fingers around her hair while her face remained buried into her forearms. "It's just...things shouldn't be this complicated. And I'm too tired to deal with them right now." In the next instant, Lyrr was on her feet, departing from the table for their bedroom.

He sat back, watching her go. He felt an overpowering urge to go after her, but he stayed seated. When she had gone, he buried his face in his hands and sighed heavily. He didn't want to have another fight - he was tired and just didn't want to have to deal with it. After a minute of silence he climbed to his feet and stood looking at the door to their bedroom. He wanted to go to her - felt the pull to go after her again to reassure her. He shook his head and leaned against the table, the frustration of her mood swings and constant derision of the way he felt was getting to him. He loved her yet she kept throwing it in his face, blatantly disbelieving at every turn. Had he done something to warrant that?

No. The answer was a firm voice in his head that was echoed a moment later as he said it to himself quietly. Why did she think things were so complicated? He loved her - she loved him. He'd stopped pushing her for anything that she wasn't ready to give - there was no pressure from him - not even to see a counselor - he'd laid off everything! He hadn't said a word! He'd been there for her - was there for her - what else could he do? Nothing!

He was torn between going to her and leaving. If he left where would he go? If he stayed what would happen? He couldn't tell what she was thinking - and...and nothing. What should he do?

He stood impotently in indecision until his feet made his mind up for him. He gave in and walked to the bedroom door. Stopping just outside he took a breath and walked in. He looked uncertain - that cold ball of fear was growing in his gut. How long could he keep doing this? How long would it be until Lyrr Tayla actually believed him? By the time she did accept it - it may not be true.

She was standing before the mirror when he arrived, the shirt of her uniform gone and her fingers dragging lightly across her bared chest. Her eyes gazed at the reflection, without shifting towards Ben's. "They're gone," she murmured absently, engrossed by the now smooth, unmarred flesh of her bosom. "All of them. I didn't think I'd miss them...I shouldn't. But I do." They'd kept her, so long, from getting close to another, those livid, silvery scars that acted as reminder of the past she couldn't leave behind, just as Ben's streak of white had been his. Those welts of flesh had been her security and her excuse. No longer, and without them, Lyrr was struck dumb. Blinking rapidly, as if awakening from a daze, Lyrr transferred her gaze to Ben's reflection. "Would you love her?" she asked. "If I wasn't here, could you love her?"

"What?" Ben was now lost totally. His eyes had taken in what she had been talking about - the reflection in the mirror showed that she was flawless - beautiful. He was smiling and her question threw him. "Who?" His mind started to work before she answered and two and two came out four - sickbay. Shirik. Their eyes met in the mirror. She looked lost. He stood in the doorway.

"You could," she whispered, her eyes glistening, "couldn't you?" But it was more an acknowledgement than a question now.

"Shirik?" He kept his face neutral. "If I hadn't met you - then yes. I know that she wants something more than friendship, but she knows that that is not possible. We're friends and it will remain that way - or we won't be friends at all. You have nothing to fear from her." He stepped closer, still keeping eye contact in the mirror and he was reminded of their first such contact - on Risa. Then she had been examining her scars too. "I love you, Tayla. There's no room for anyone else. Please believe that." He was standing behind her, but he didn't reach for her. His violet gaze imploring her to recognize the truth in his words.

"I spoke to her," she continued, staring at him, but not truly seeing him. "She's beautiful, and strong.... She isn't me." Allowing her gaze to focus now, she noticed Ben fully and the minor ache residing in her heart since her meeting with Shirik transformed into complete pain. "You don't smile much. I know you do with her. And I don't know how to make you."

"That's not true." He wanted to reach out to her and just hold her. "I don't want Shirik. I want you. If I wanted her, I would not be here. You honestly don't think you're worthy of being loved do you?" His voice was so soft it was almost non-existent. He did reach out a hand, and he touched the soft skin of her neck. She sighed softly and her eyes fluttered closed, allowing a single tear to squeeze out. "I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. Standing on the Bridge, looking so strong and so beautiful. You've a strength in you, Tayla - don't doubt that." His violet eyes were glistening too. "How can I make you believe?"

"I don't know," she murmured. "I told you that I loved you...as I told Oresh so many times. H-He dismissed it, too. He didn't want it, I know that now, and he didn't want to give it to me, either." Her eyes opened once more, but Ben's reflection was only a blur now. "I don't know what I deserve, Ben. How can I when I've never had this before?"

He stepped closer now, and his arms went around her, pulling her against him as he buried his face in her neck. "You are all that I want. I didn't dismiss it, Love." He turned her in his arms, and wiped away the tear with a soft kiss. "I love you. I do...." He gazed into her eyes, and searched for the words to make her believe.

"I know," she whispered. Her arms felt heavy and unsteady as she lifted them to encircle his waist. "I do trust you, Ben...I just don't know how to make myself believe it."

He kissed her lips, holding her gently, the words resolving into two in his mind and he examined them with hesitation and fear, knowing that there would be no going back. His eyes closed as he held her and a tear of his own fell. They came out in a whisper against her ear, and his heart thundered in his chest, not knowing what her reaction would be and fearing it. "Marry me."

Lyrr could barely swallow, and refused to move lest the illusion dissipate, for she was certain this was not reality. Ben's warmth, the vibration of his heartbeat against her bosom, the trickle of a salty tear dribbling onto her cheek, but not from her own eye; it convinced her solidly that this was no hallucination, no dream, which meant Lyrr couldn't simply wake up to make it vanish. No, she would have to face it, and admit that she was absolutely bewildered.

She didn't speak, though; she merely buried her face into his shoulder and attempted to shrink away into nothingness. His words were spoken out of desperation, they had to have been; he was too intelligent a man to take such a step with an unstable woman. Or, did he mean it, as he insisted he meant every profession of love? He had erased the physical memory of Tebrianne Bancroft, of his past when he removed the white lock and reverted to black once again. He was ready to move on, he'd even said it himself: 'It was time to let it go.' The same was true for Lyrr Tayla. There was no going back, however, and the next words that spilled from her lips would decide their future - one ending in heartbreak, or one finally filled with joy.

Daring to gaze up at him, fearing one look into his eyes would weaken her resolve and shatter her determination, Lyrr smiled, though there was uncertainty there. "I...I'm going to see Counsellor Scott," she said, and was unaware of the words until they processed. "I'm going to see her about...about what's wrong with me. And...and if you truly meant what you just asked...come with me."

He laughed then. A soft sound that was filled with utter relief and he drew her harder against him and kissed her. He broke the kiss and stroked her hair, his smile joyful. "No problem," he said easily, and drawing away so that he could look into her eyes he felt the weight slide away. "Marry me, Lyrr Tayla...when it's the right time - for you."

"When it's the right time," she echoed quietly, though with clear mirth, and added, "for both of us." Lyrr held his gaze, and in hers there was hope and finally a shred of tranquility. "You're an insane man, Benedict T'Kal," she told him with a sigh of laughter.

He laughed and nodded. "True.... Wait." He let her go and disappeared for a moment, returning with a box that had been on a shelf in the living room. The aged wood was polished, and the carving in the lid was very old Bajoran style, of Acacia blossoms and the Y'Lorr family sigil. He held it up between both hands and smiled as he presented it. "This is for you. It was my mother's, and it's an heirloom of my family. Will you wear it?" He opened the lid, and the Betrothal Bracelet gleamed. It was very old, and the gold, platinum and silver vine leaves twined about the tiny gems that sparkled with ruby fire.

Lyrr smiled down at the token of his love, yet another. Puzzled, she searched his eyes. "Two bracelets?" She held out her wrist, displaying the first he had given her, not so long ago. Although she'd known another might come in the very distant future, she was at once ecstatic and anxious to add the other to her wrist so soon. "I'll wear it...but this one" --she unclasped the first bracelet and placed it into his free hand-- "you keep. It shall be my promise to you. When the day comes that we do marry," she told him softly, "you can add it to my wrist again. Then, the bond truly will be complete."

He put it on. The Friendship Bracelet in exchange for the Betrothal Bracelet - and he took that out of the box and clasped it to her wrist. He looked into her eyes and smiled, though he found that he was shedding tears. It was an ancient Bajoran custom, and the bracelet went from mother to son, to wife. It clasped to her left wrist; the clasp required two hands to fasten or remove, and thus would remain. He kissed her again, this time the depth of his feelings evident as he took her into his arms.

Lyrr was experiencing overwhelming emotions of her own, ones that ranged from apprehension to happiness, uncertainty and a sense of defiance. She despised Oresh and all he had done to her, all the corrupted ideas he'd placed in her mind about love that Ben was slowly purifying. With Ben's help, she'd vanquish Oresh finally, though she'd never before tried to. It took Ben's unconditional love and tenacity to make her realize she needed to, wanted to; admiring the gleaming bracelet around her wrist, where it rested against Ben's shoulder in their embrace, Lyrr was convinced they would succeed. Together.

---

"The Savannah Club"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
Crewman Sorg Jurell, Security

Location: Holodeck 1, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57908.24, 18h00

***

Shirik felt stronger by the time Beta shift rolled around, and aided by the Benzite device she was required to wear her breathing came easier. The ache in her chest had dulled, and was no more than a minor annoyance now, and she didn't wheeze so often. Still, she had to move somewhat slowly, and pause to breathe when she spoke, but her spirits were high because she could feel herself getting well again.

True to her word to Sorg, she'd worn a dress for their dinner. It was a deep plum color, sleeveless with a slightly dipping neckline, and flowed around her ankles when she walked. Her hair hung behind her in a loose tail. She stepped into the holodeck, not sure what to expect.

The door opened onto a marble staircase that wound downward in a gentle curve along the wall. A balustrade of white marble set with bright flower arrangements that spilled greenery down the sides followed it; all looking out upon a crowded dining room of circular tables and discreet alcoves along the walls. Black and white dressed waiters circulated the floor amongst well dressed men and women of varied races. There was a wide stage set against the forward wall, a semi-circular three step tier that held a twenty piece jazz band and a female singer dressed in shimmering silver. A bar of polished wood lay along the far wall.

The singer was beautiful, and held the microphone stand as if it was a lover, singing a crooning song about her love. Shirik's eyes followed the curving stair, past the singer and the band and came to rest upon Sorg Jurell, dressed immaculately in a black tuxedo by the bar.

He looked up at her and smiled, lifting a glass in salute.

She was surprised by the formal atmosphere, having thought Sorg would choose something more relaxed, where he wouldn't have to dress up in a tuxedo. Still, as her eyes wandered out over the room and over Sorg himself, she found she liked what she saw.

She made her way slowly across the room to him, her steps measured to conserve energy and breath. She smiled at him as she settled onto a barstool. "You're looking handsome tonight. I feel a bit underdressed for this room."

"You look stunning...as always." He smiled. The dress seemed to cling in all the right places, the dark plum color complemented her black skin and violet eyes. She was easily the best looking woman in the room, and this was a Risan program. He leaned close and kissed her cheek, smiling charmingly as he drew away again. "Welcome to the Savanna Club."

She returned his smile, and looked out across the room once more. "Is this a place you've frequented?" she asked.

"I've spent a few hours here." He gave her a smile that indicated he was being modest. "I love the atmosphere. It's Old Terran styled for Risa. The songs are apparently all authentic Jazz and Big Band Swing." He looked her up and down, the Benzite breathing device hung out in front of her face. "We'll give the dancing a miss tonight...but maybe some other time I can show you some swing."

"Yes, that's probably best tonight," she said. "I wouldn't want to anger Dr. Sefton further by ending back up in sickbay for overexerting myself," she smiled. "But I'd like that, another time." Her eyes studied him. It was the first time she'd seen him in anything but a uniform, and she definitely liked what she saw. He filled out the tuxedo nicely.

Jurell nodded and waved to a waiter. The man came over with a smile. "We'll be seated now," he told the waiter with a grin.

"Of course, sir," the man replied and waved them ahead. "Your usual table, sir?"

Jurell nodded. The three of them walked to a table that had a clear view of the singer and the band. It was one of the best tables in the club (naturally being a holodeck simulation). Jurell waited until Shirik was seated before taking his own seat. The tables were covered in pristine white cloth, silverware and candles. Even the seats were white, covered in a red plush material. The floor red carpeted, flowers on stands providing a pleasing riot of exotic colors and scents.

"A bottle of champagne to celebrate?" Jurell asked of Shirik as another black liveried waiter arrived.

Shirik took her seat, relaxing as she took in the atmosphere of the place. It was very nice. She always preferred holodeck simulations as a way to enjoy a public place without actually being bothered by anyone.

She nodded at the suggestion. "What exactly are we celebrating?" she asked with a smile.

"How about coming back from the dead?" Jurell grinned. "That's worthy of celebration." The waiter smiled and gave a tiny bow before melting away to retrieve the bottle. "I'm sorry about the way I acted, Shirik. It was foolish. I realize that now. A friend would have stayed with you no matter what, and I failed to do that. Can you forgive me?"

She nodded as her smile faded. "It's all right, Sorg, don't worry about it. I was disappointed, but I understand."

"You can call me Jurell you know." He shook his head. "I understand too." He knew by her evasion that she hadn't forgiven him. He'd committed too big a sin. He could see it in her eyes. He felt the enjoyment go out of him. He was on the outside now, and there was nothing he'd be able to do about it. All because he'd not had the courage to watch her die.

She saw the light go out of his eyes. "Jurell." She reached for one of his hands. "If I didn't forgive you, I wouldn't be here now," she said softly. It was so easy to discourage him, she thought. She'd have to be more careful.

He gave her a smile and nodded, her hand was so soft and light. Hot, hotter than his. He briefly imagined what it would be like to hold her...and his smile grew a little as he looked up into those violet eyes.

She returned his smile with an encouraging one of her own.

The girl at the microphone broke into another song, and as the familiar music began Jurell laughed a little as the intro started. "I only have eyes for you..." she sang..

"I wish we could dance," he said wistfully.

She grinned. "We will... just not tonight."

He grinned, knowing that she wasn't one to lie, and so she would at sometime dance with him. It gave him a little hope, but under it all he knew that she'd bestowed upon him her pity. He was a pity date. It had been a pity kiss. She'd been dying, what had she to lose? What had Sorg Jurell to give? Not much. In fact, looking at her now, so beautiful, he was entirely lost for words. The carefully rehearsed lines had vanished like smoke.

She watched him for a moment across the table. She'd never met a man like him before, so unsure of himself, so easy to discourage. She wasn't quite sure how to read him, how to react to him, what to say to him. She could see his mind at work again, in his eyes. She wondered what he was thinking now, and why he never dared share what it was.

Jurell was rescued for the moment by the return of the drinks waiter. The champagne was presented, popped and poured with total professionalism. The creamy bubbly frothed in the glasses and finally he raised a toast. "To life...and living it," he said. His smile was warmer as he looked at her and took a sip.

The toast was very similar to the one Ben had used the previous evening. But here she was, a survivor of a near-fatal plague, what else would they toast to? She raised her glass with a smile and took a sip. She would definitely start living it.

He looked a little uncomfortable as he put his glass down, but his smile remained as he slipped one hand into an inside pocket. When his hand reached the table once more he had a square velvet box about the size of his palm. "I wanted to give you this," he said softly. "It's a Bajoran tradition." He looked up into her eyes. "I wanted to try to make it up to you. This is a way, in my culture to show affection; friendship to someone who is close. I'd like to be your friend, Shirik, more than anything." He opened the box. Inside was a delicate bracelet. It had two distinct metals: silver and gold, twined in an elaborate plaited design of flexible links. "Please accept this."

She blinked in surprise as he set the box on the table. He bought her jewelry? Among most cultures she was aware of, gifting jewelry to someone was usually more than simple friendship. But she had to take Sorg at his word, she knew if he said it, it was truth.

She reached to pick up the box and study its contents. "It's beautiful...." Her gaze found his. "Friendship?" she asked. "I don't think I've ever seen one before..." She couldn't help but wonder if Ben would ever offer her one. She wasn't sure she should accept it, but she was sure Sorg would probably be hurt if she didn't, so she smiled as she slipped the bracelet carefully from its box.

"Let me," he said, taking it gently. He twisted the catch and indicated her right wrist. As he fastened it on he said, "This is a Bajoran custom. It's called a Friendship Bracelet. Some call it a Promise Bracelet too. It symbolizes a bond of friendship between two people. It's only given perhaps once or twice in a lifetime, and always to someone special." He grinned as he released her hand. "Just so there's no mistaking intent, sometimes it's given to someone you love...before giving them the second bracelet; the Betrothal one.

"That always goes on the left wrist, but unlike this one, there's three metals twined together. The silver and the gold represents each of the two friends, a third, platinum is used to represent the Prophets Blessing upon a union of the two - that's Betrothal. When a Bajoran woman accepts the Betrothal Bracelet it means a declaration to all that she's going to be married." He smiled. "I have a Betrothal Bracelet, given to me by my mother. It's a tradition. Each family has one, usually in a particular design with the family name incorporated into the design. When a son is old enough to wed, the mother gives it to pass on. So some Bracelets are ancient depending upon the family caste."

She nodded, watching him put it on her and absorbing what he was telling her. She turned her wrist, admiring the way the bracelet caught the light, and then turned her gaze to him once more. "I believe in speaking plainly, Jurell, as you know... So, in the interest of making sure there's no mistaking intent... What exactly is your intent?" She wanted to be sure she understood, and there were no cultural misunderstandings that would cause harm later.

"It's a Friendship bracelet, Shirik...it means I owe you the promise of friendship - given as a friend to a friend. That's all...or you could choose to take it as a present of nice Bajoran jewelry to a very pretty girl in the hopes that this Bajoran boy is forgiven for totally screwing things up...okay?"

She grinned and nodded. "Very well. I accept. Thank you."

He grinned with her, and felt relieved. He liked the look of the bracelet on her arm. It had cost him half of his replication rations for the precious metals, but it had been worth it just to see her smile. He took another drink of the champagne. It was real as well. One of the security officers had traded for it from someone in Ops. "Shall we look at the menu?"

"Let's." She smiled, much more relaxed now. She too took a sip from her glass, then turned her violet gaze to the menu. "I think I'm in the mood for pasta tonight," she said. "Fettuccini alfredo."

"I think I'll have some of the Nanbaco and Sulik." He gestured to the two Bajoran dishes, a meaty sauce with spices, a dozen varieties of vegetable and a grain loaf served hot with a garlic-analogue herb and butter.

They ordered without fuss and Jurell sat back with one hand idly stroking his wine glass. The song continued and he hummed a few bars as he looked at Shirik.

Shirik gracefully sipped from her glass, and watched him over the rim of it. She cast him a small smile, wondering what he was thinking. She wasn't sure what to say or what topic to bring up next, and so she just studied him as she drank for a time. Finally she asked, "Did you use some of the holodeck time you won on this dinner?"

"No, I have a few hours accrued." He laughed, remembering Kaven's face and later when he'd paid up. "That klaas is a mighty evil brew."

She nodded, frowning slightly as she recalled her last drink of it, and Ben's remarks about it at dinner the previous night. Even Sorg had commented about it that morning with Kaven. "Indeed," she mused.

"Do you spend much time in holodecks?" he asked.

"I spend more time writing programs for them than actually being in them, usually," she said. "But lately I've begun spending more time in them. Why?"

"They are great, I love them. We didn't have anything like the Federation technology at home. No replicators, no holodecks. I think they are the most wonderful things. I have a few programs that I enjoy. This is a new one for me. I bought it on Risa while we were there. I have a few holonovels and a series or two that I play on occasion. You might like to join me sometime. My favorite is a Fantasy Series called Swords & Sorcery. It's very low tech medieval, but it has a lot of mythological and archeological base to it that I find fascinating as well as fun." His eyes were alight as he described it. His voice filled with enthusiasm and he leaned forward using hand gestures as he began explaining the game.

She smiled at how animated he became as he started talking about it. "It sounds interesting," she said. "Sometime when I get some time... I have to catch up on my exercise and my combat training. I'll need the exercise to get back in shape after laying in a bed not moving."

Jurell nodded with a smile. "Anytime, just say when." He held her gaze for a moment, his blue eyes sparkling. "I think you'd better fully recover though. The adventure is strenuous to say the least, and you'll find yourself doing things that you might not have done before."

"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow at him. "Like what?"

He laughed. "I think I'll leave that as a surprise. But I'd suggest a few holodeck training scenarios from the security department before you try it. There's also a characterization program you'll have to go through to teach you how to play the game."

"It sounds complicated... I have to take training before I can play a game?" she smiled. "How long have you played it?"

"About a year," he grinned. "Yes, you have to take training if you want to come into the game at my level. I suppose I could go back to beginners for you." His eyes held a challenge.

Her eyes flashed as she grinned back at him. "I see... Well, I just happen to be taking some fighting training anyway, so I suppose I can take a look at this characterization program of yours..."

"I'll send it to you," he promised. "It's more complicated than just fighting. I think you'll get a kick out of it. It would be great to play the game with someone else instead of holodeck characters all the time." He took a drink just as the waiters arrived with their dishes.

The platters steamed and the aromas were mingled and mouth watering. It was good food for replicated fare. Jurell dived right in with a grin.

Shirik was glad for anything that was solid food after eating through feeding tubes in sickbay for days, and she dug in eagerly as well.

For the next few minutes, both ate in silence. Jurell respected her need for solid food, as he could clearly see how she was relishing every bite. His smile was broad as he too ate, and as they shared eye contact every so often, he grew more comfortable.

"You look like you really enjoyed that," he said as she scraped the last remains from the plate.

She laughed softly. "I never realized how much I enjoyed eating until I couldn't do it any more. I enjoy it even more now."

"I can tell." He grinned and wiped the last of his own sauce with a chunk of the bread and finished it with relish. The music had taken a turn for softer crooning melodies that appealed to slower dancing and the house lights were dimmed for the after dinner crowd. Couples were moving to the dance floor for some sedate romantic music and dancing.

"Dance with me," he said it on impulse, and stood offering his hand. "I'll take it slow." He smiled down at her. She'd removed the Benzite breather for the meal, and as it wasn't strenuous he didn't imagine she'd need it for the moment either. "You can lean on me," he added playfully.

She hesitated, looking out at the other dancing couples. It looked non-strenuous enough. "All right...just for a bit." She smiled, and slipped her hand into his as she rose gracefully from her chair to accompany him to the dance floor.

He walked her out, and as in most holodeck simulations the other characters made room for them automatically. The music was soft, a love song in dulcet tones. He took her into his arms, one hand pressed to the small of her back, the other holding her hand. He smiled down at her as he drew her closer, allowing her to rest upon his frame, exerting very little effort in dancing, he swayed rather than stepped with the music. He could feel the heat of her body against him, far hotter than a Bajoran woman, and her skin felt silky. Her snow white hair brushed his hand at her back as they moved and he closed his eyes and breathed in the fragrance of her hair.

She likewise curled an arm around him, her other hand in his. At first she was stiff, tensed, but as he swayed gently and relaxed, she did as well. In the dimmed lighting Sorg's body glowed red in her heat vision, and the holodeck characters became almost invisible to her sight. Although they actually were alone in the room all the while, now it actually felt that way. Slowly she rested her cheek against his chest and closed her eyes, listening to the music and Sorg's heartbeat.

He danced slowly, enjoying her closeness and somewhere in the second song he slipped both arms around her so that she was fully supported against him. He smiled to himself, thinking that he would not be anywhere else. The music was wonderful, and this date was definitely the best that he had experienced since joining Starfleet. He felt a little saddened at that. He hadn't been involved with any women for a long time. Not since leaving Bajor for Starfleet. He'd run away from Orelli, after seeing her with another man - his Betrothed had betrayed him with another and he'd simply left. Sorg Jurell hadn't pursued any other women since. He'd not been confident enough to even consider it. Shirik was different. He already knew that her heart lay elsewhere, and so how could she break his?

Shirik was trying not to think about anything, but to take her own advice and simply enjoy the moment. She focused on Sorg, his arms around her, and tried not to imagine he was anyone else. It wouldn't be fair to him to do that.

She had to admit it felt good to be where she was. She felt safe, and relaxed, and was enjoying herself.

They danced for what seemed like forever to Sorg Jurell. He was caught up in the swaying closeness and he was supremely conscious of Shirik's body pressed to his. It was an intense agony of desire and stoic control. No matter how he professed to be a 'friend' he knew that he could never be just that; not in his heart. Instead of the agony of watching her die, he'd have the agony of watching her live to love another. He'd not had the guts to stick around the first time that had happened to him with Orelli, could he do the same here? Well, he had no choice. There was nowhere to run to!

The computer voice breaking in to the holodeck simulation startled him out of his reverie. It was time. There was someone else waiting for the holodeck. Two hours had passed in a heart beat. He felt disappointed that it had ended, but then like all fairytales, there was an ending. He doubted that this would be a happy one, but he put a smile on his face as he drew away from her. "Time to go," he said softly. There was a clear note of regret in his voice.

Shirik jumped slightly when the chime went off, and her eyes snapped open. "Already?" She blinked a few times, and gave him a warm smile. "I need to retrieve my breathing device before we go." She led him slowly back to the table to get it. "This was fun, we'll have to do it again sometime."

"I'd love to," he said with his heart in his throat.

Shirik reattached the device to her dress and turned back to Sorg. "Are you going to walk me home?"

"Of course," he smiled and offered his arm. They exited the holodeck as two Crewmen waited impatiently outside wearing opposing Grid-Iron uniforms. Both were dressed as Quarterbacks and they were chatting about how each of them would blitz the other's team. Both stopped cold when they caught sight of Shirik. Their grins followed her swaying hips down the corridor.

She slipped her hand around his arm and walked out with him, casting a brief smile at the waiting crewmen before sauntering on by with Sorg. She was glad for his presence as they walked back to her quarters, still a bit weak on her feet.

"Why do I feel like a fashion accessory?" he asked with a casual grin as he walked her down the corridor.

"You certainly shouldn't," she smiled. "I get a lot of looks, but I'm very particular who I spend my time with."

"I'm glad, or I'm sure I'd be on the end of a very long line."

She laughed softly. "Nonsense. It's not like every male on board has been knocking down my door."

"No...they're too scared of the knife you carry." He grinned. "Oh yes...I have your kemla too. It was in the armory."

She blinked at him. "You do? How did it get in the armory?" If Casey had dared to touch it....

"Standard procedure," he shrugged. "Personal weapons end up there if they are taken off anyone for any reason. I have it in my quarters. We can drop by if you like?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Sure. I've been looking all over for it."

It didn't take them long to recover the weapon. He handed it to her as he came out of his quarters that he shared with three other crewmen, all of whom were engaged in a poker game when he'd arrived back. He made a swift exit to their cat-calls of his tuxedo.

"Here," he said. "Let me take you home."

She took the knife carefully, cradling it against her like a treasure. "Thank you, Jurell," she said softly. She took his arm once more for the walk back to her quarters.

They walked in silence, riding the turbo lift they raised a few eyebrows, but no one commented. Sorg did get a rather frank stare from a female wearing science blues and he just smiled.

When she was out of earshot Shirik asked, "A friend of yours?"

"No." He shook his head. "No idea...why?"

She shrugged. "I just wondered. She gave you quite a look."

"It was just the tux," he dismissed it casually. "It looks odd that's all."

"I think it looks rather handsome," she mused.

They stopped outside her door. "Well, I guess this is it then," he said with a smile. "Thanks for the evening, Shirik."

"I enjoyed it," she returned his smile.

He hesitated and then leaned forward to brush her cheek with a kiss, but as he leaned forward she turned her head slightly to catch his lips with hers. The contact was surprising, and her lips were soft. He was caught off guard, but he recovered quickly and the kiss was something that had a life of its own. They were separated by a few centimeters, only connected by the kiss as he daren't pull her toward him.

She parted slowly from him and gave him a warm smile. "Goodnight, Jurell," she said softly.

"Night, Shirik...." He opened his eyes and took a breath, his whole body tingling. He smiled a little embarrassed and stepped back.

She cast him one last smile and slipped through the door into her quarters, leaving him alone in the hall.

He stared at her door for a long moment, feeling saddened. Then he walked away.

---

"The Talk"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
CPO Calyca Boothroyd, Engineering

Location: Boothroyd's quarters, USS Sulu
Stardate: 57908.24, 20h00

***

Shirik had gone back to her quarters after her dinner with Sorg to change and check in with Calyca to make sure she was awake before heading to her quarters to visit with her. She didn't want to show up wearing the dress she'd worn for dinner, that would give too much away. Now that Caly knew she was on her way, Shirik was sure there wouldn't be any sleep for her for a while yet, or for herself. It was just as well that she didn't have to go on shift in the morning.

She paused outside Calyca's door to ring the chime. She was dressed casually, in a gray sweater and black pants, her hair tied back up in its usual braid. The door opened to a softly spoken 'come', and the smell of klaas.

"Finally," Caly grinned at her and was dressed more than casually, in a short waist tank top and drawstring silk pants. "I swear my curiosity has about eaten me alive," she teased and waved her friend in.

Shirik laughed softly as she moved inside and looked around the room. "Must be nice to have a room all to yourself," she mused. "I smell klaas. It will be nice to drink it with someone who doesn't make comments about the way it makes my breath smell..."

Caly quirked a brow at that and motioned her to the sofa. "It is nice," she agreed. "And you do. Sit down and I'll pour it." She poured a steaming mug of klaas for Shirik and some strong tea for herself. "Who made comments about the way it makes your breath smell?" she handed off the klaas and settled down next to Shirik, her hands curled around her own mug. Shirik settled down on the sofa and curled her hands gratefully around the mug, taking a deep breath of the aroma. Then she frowned slightly and removed the Benzite breathing device she'd had to wear since leaving sickbay. "Sorg, and Ben...although Ben said he was teasing. I make a point not to drink klaas around them anymore." She took a deep swallow and sighed in contentment.

"Ahhhh well, you can drink it around me to your heart's content. Just keep it down, or I'll be in hot water with the doc," she grinned and sipped her tea, echoing Shirik's sigh of contentment. "So... Does that mean that Saavar hasn't complained, or you haven't drank any around him?"

She thought for a moment. "Actually, I haven't. But I don't think he'd complain even if I did."

Caly hmmm'd thoughtfully and quirked a brow at her. "Oh? Why's that? Why wouldn't he?" ...when the others did. Which she didn't say, but to her way of thinking, it said something.

Shirik didn't say anything for a time, finishing off her klaas. Finally, she said, "He and I are...mate bonded." She wasn't sure if Caly even knew what that meant.

Caly blinked and nearly choked on the sip of tea she was taking. She knew what it meant. "You're what?" she squeaked and coughed a little. "Whoa... Hang on... How did that happen?"

Shirik couldn't help but to smile at the look on Caly's face. It wasn't often she was able to surprise her, and this was one big surprise. "Well, it wasn't really planned...." She paused, took another swallow of klaas, and held out the mug for a refill as she started at the beginning. It was a huge surprise and Caly couldn't help but wonder how you didn't plan a mate-bonding as she got up and procured a refill of klaas from the replicator and got herself some more tea.

"Apparently, his time of mating was to have occurred naturally after we returned to the Alpha quadrant, six months from now. At which time, he'd have gone to Vulcan to mate with his wife. But during our last mission, someone tried to murder the captain, and our Chief Science Officer, Xayella Tagliesh, had been present during the attack. So, Saavar tried to do a mind meld with her to gain information on the identity of the attacker. But, I imagine because his time was so close and he was rather inexperienced at melding with anyone other than his wife... He accidentally mate-bonded with her." She paused for a moment to let all that sink in and gather her thoughts.

"I heard about the attack." She offered the cup to Shirik as she sat back down. "The CSO and the Captain are lovers, right?" she asked. "That had to put a crimp in things. Sleeping with one guy and mate-bonded to another."

She nodded as she took the filled mug back from her friend. "Indeed. Except that she apparently never told the captain. Not until it was nearly over." She took a sip. "She is...a pain, really. She's arrogant, defiant, and rather stupid from what I saw of her on the away mission. Saavar dislikes her, and I can see why. She hates him. So being mate-bonded was not pleasant for either of them. Saavar was suffering... He told me he'd rather die than mate with her. I had been visiting him, taking meditation lessons from him. We talked a lot, too... We were friends. And when I understood what was going on, and that he was probably going to die, I...I offered to help him. I didn't really even understand what would happen, I think... I offered to have sex with him, I thought it would help him. And we did...and the mate-bond went to me in the process. And he went into Blood Fever, and..." She let out a breath. "Wow." She grinned at her friend.

Caly listened in a quiet sort of stunned silence. That all of it was true, she didn't doubt. But that sort of thing usually happened to people you didn't really know. Not your best friend and... Well... Shirik, of all people. "Good gods, you have been busy. Mate-bonding, and Blood Fever. And friendship bracelets..." She motioned to Shirik's right wrist. "We're going to be here all night, aren't we?" she grinned. "So what's with you and Saavar now?" Shirik certainly didn't have that same sparkle in her eyes she did when she talked of the Security Chief, but she could tell that she cared for the Science Officer. She was still having a hard time pairing Shirik with any man, let alone three of them.

She glanced down at the bracelet on her wrist and smiled. "I didn't think you'd recognize what it was... Oh yes, this is an all-nighter, I think." She took another sip of klaas. "Well, when I collapsed and was taken to sickbay, I'm told I was in a coma. Saavar arrived and used our bond to help bring me out of it. I haven't seen him since I was released, but I need to do that..." She frowned slightly. "I like him. But I don't love him...and somehow that feels wrong. We share a bed now and again when the mood strikes, and we're good friends. I trust him. But Ben said some things that worry me...and I need to clear it up with Saavar."

"Things about the mate-bond?" Caly asked and sipped her tea. "Good thing I dressed for comfort then," she teased lightly.

She nodded. "Ben has experience with this...he was mate-bonded to a half-Vulcan once himself. He told me that it never truly goes away at all, that Saavar would be with me forever. He said...even if we didn't love each other, the bond would eventually make us...because we would become so close we would be like one person. He said that's how it was with him."

"Hmmm... And that's a bad thing because you didn't consciously choose it, right?" she asked. Caly knew the way her friend thought and making them fall in love would grate against the Drokari's nerves. "Could you come to love him? If that whole mate-bond thing hadn't gotten in the way?"

"Yes. He was my friend, I didn't want anything more, emotionally." She took a swallow of klaas. "I don't know... I don't think so. Saavar doesn't love me, either."

Caly poked Shirik with a toe. "Love is sometimes something that grows rather than something that just happens," she offered. "And sometimes the grown kind has more of a foundation to build on than the happening kind," she smiled. "I'm not telling you to fall in love with him. I'm just telling you not to dismiss it out of hand because of the way the relationship is happening."

"I don't want to love him, either," she said. She took another swallow from her mug. "I don't want to love anybody."

Caly reached out to rub Shirik's arm. "Believe me, I know. I think we've had this conversation before," she smiled a bit. "Love is... Messy. Unfortunately, I don't think we have much control over when and where it happens. It sort of has a mind of its own."

"Indeed," she agreed, with both statements. "In any case, Saavar and I cannot stay bonded. He will have to come to some sort of arrangement with his wife back on Vulcan, and find someone else to bond with. We both agree it will only be temporary."

"And what happens in the meantime? With the bond you already have?" she asked curiously.

"We had decided to let things stay as they were until we returned to the Alpha quadrant, and simply explore the bond. But if it's as Ben says... I don't know. I need to talk to Saavar about it."

"Definitely," she agreed and drank her tea as she watched her carefully. "And the other two? What about them?"

She shrugged. "They're friends." She looked at the bracelet once more and sighed softly. "Sorg told me he's in love with me."

Caly blinked. "Hoh-boy. And? How did you go from being totally oblivious to the male species to having not one, but three relationships with them?" she asked out of blatant curiosity.

"I'm not sure how it happened, really... It wasn't planned. Well, the attachment part wasn't. When I first came on board, I went through all the crew bios as I usually do, making my lists. You know. Anyway, The first person I went to speak to was Ben... Since he was Chief of Security, I wanted to see if I could get his permission to wear my kemla, at least on away missions." She paused as she remembered that first meeting, the way he'd looked at her. "He agreed to let me wear it at all times as long as I didn't use it on anyone... We talked a little about Bajoran religion, too. That was the first time I really took notice of an offworlder male. His eyes are just like a Rennari male's..." she trailed off, but the attraction she felt for him was written all over her face.

And Caly could easily see it. She quirked a brow at her. "You're in love with him," she accused softly.

She blinked out of her reverie. "What? No I'm not. We're just friends."

Caly eyed her for several moments. "Alright. If you say so. And this Sorg? The one who's in love with you? What about him?"

She sighed. "I don't love him, either. I like him, he's my friend."

"Well..." The word was long and drawn out. "What do you want, Shiri?" she asked quietly, her eyes never leaving her friend.

"I don't know," she said, taking another swallow of klaas. "I'm confused. I'm not sure how to deal with them..."

Caly watched her for several moments before taking a drink of her tea. "Want to know what I think? Of course you do," she grinned a little wryly. "And I'm going to tell you anyway. I think, that until you do know what you want, you need to just relax and see what happens with them. Saavar you definitely need to talk to and find out what you're up against there. But the T'Kal, and Sorg... Let it stew for a while. It's not like you can do anything anyway. Unless you turn your back on all of them, and how can you do that? They're your friends."

She nodded wordlessly, but she knew that eventually she might have to do just that.

So did Caly, but she was trying to make Shirik feel better. At least somewhat. "So tell me more about your guys," she smiled. "You hungry?"

"No, thanks," she said, settling back on the sofa. "I really only know Sorg from work... Although we had dinner together tonight. He's a good guy, he covers my ass when I need it. But I know I'm going to hurt him... I don't think there's any way around it."

Caly reached out and squeezed Shirik's arm. "I don't either. Unless we split you into three people and dole you out," she smiled a little. "All you can do is be kind, Shiri. You can't force yourself to feel things, and you can't control what other people feel. I think if Sorg is serious about being your friend, then he'll be just that."

She nodded, sipping her drink. She was quiet for a time, then said, "I like Ben, a lot. We're good friends, we have dinner or breakfast together sometimes, we exercise together... We...swim together..."

Caly quirked a brow at that slight hesitation in the last bit of her statement. "Swim together? There's a story there. I can hear it in your voice," she smiled.

She laughed. "Well, you remember what I used to wear when we went swimming...." she grinned. "After a 5k run, you get heated up, you know. A nice swim to cool off...."

Caly blinked and her eyes got big. "Oh, that kind of swimming," she grinned. "You are so bad... Let me get this straight.... You and the Chief of Security frolic around in the nude and he's living with some other woman? That sounds so wrong," she laughed.

She shrugged. "We don't frolic. We just swim, and talk. If he doesn't have a problem with it, I don't."

"I was teasing, Shiri," she sipped the last of her tea, watching her friend. "Don't get defensive. You know me. I'm the last person to make judgments."

"I'm not defensive. I'm just precise," she said, shooting her friend a playful smile, but it faded after a time. "I'm very attracted to him," she admitted. "And he is to me, too. But... There's always a but, isn't there? He's in love with the XO. So, no exploring anything really interesting."

"Mmm... Precision. I love it," she grinned. "Maybe... But you still have Sorg and Saavar to explore interesting things with," she suggested.

"Yes, but... It's not the same. I don't feel the same about them as I do about him. I can't explain it."

"I know," she smiled her understanding. And she really did understand. "You don't need to explain it to me, you know." What she'd seen in her friend's eyes was explanation enough. "I'm not saying you need to feel the same about them... Just explore what's there is all."

"I can't explore anything more with Sorg without hurting him," she said. "And as for Saavar...we are exploring." She smiled. "You'll have to meet them."

"I'd like that," she admitted. "You can explore your friendship with Sorg, can't you? Without hurting him, I mean."

"To a point, I think... I did enjoy dinner with him tonight."

"Well there you go," she smiled. "As long as you're aware that you might hurt him, I don't think you will. And perhaps you should ask him what he thinks."

"We've agreed to go with friendship, and take each moment as it comes. But he wants more... every time I look in his eyes I see it. We'll work it out, I'm sure."

"Mmm... I'm sure you will too," Caly agreed. "How's the klaas sitting on your stomach?"

"Not too bad," she said. "I probably shouldn't have any more, though. I am supposed to be taking it easy."

"Right. No more klaas for you," she smiled. "How about some of my tea?" Caly watched her friend. She looked fairly relaxed, but she was fairly sure that sharp mind of hers was working on her three 'problems' even now. "Hey... Just don't drive yourself nuts with worry, okay?"

"No, thanks. I think I've had plenty to drink for the time being." She nodded. "I won't. Now I know why I didn't get involved with people before... It only brings complications and problems, and I don't need any."

"Hey now, I'm people," she smiled at Shirik as she teased her lightly. "Complications and problems are what give our lives depth though."

"Hmm," was all she said as she finished her klaas.

"Hmm? You sound tired," Caly smiled. "Want to spend the night? I'll let you have the bed."

She nodded. "I don't want to impose, but it is a long walk back to my quarters," she grinned.

Caly laughed as she got up and snagged the empty mugs. "You aren't imposing. I'm not near ready to sleep so I'll probably be tinkering. Get some rest, Shiri. Things'll look different in the morning."

"Thanks, Caly." Shirik made her way to the bed and slipped under the covers fully clothed to sleep while Caly worried about her friend and tinkered with a puzzle to keep her hands occupied.

---

"Persistence The Vulcan Way"
By: Ensign Shirik Lektar, Operations
Lt. Saavar, Science

Location: Lektar's quarters
Stardate: 57908.24, 22h00

***

Saavar pressed her door chime again. He stood with clasped hands before Shirik Lektar's door with composed patience. He knew that she was in her quarters, he could feel her presence through their shared bond, and he could also feel her 'despair'? He wasn't accustomed to feeling emotions of this magnitude, but it felt as if a part of him had lost 'something'...was it hopelessness? He wasn't entirely sure. He did know that it wasn't good.

The room was dark. Shirik lay curled in her bed, the blankets over her head. She heard the chime but ignored it. She knew who it was, she could feel him, but she couldn't face him. She didn't want to see him, she wanted to be alone. Alone forever. "Go away..." she murmured miserably.

The chime sounded again. And again. And again, at exactly one-minute intervals. Clearly he wasn't going to go away. With a growl, she threw the covers off and stalked to the door, but out of sensor range of opening it. "Go away!" she shouted.

The chime sounded. It was almost a defiant sound. Behind the door Saavar remained perfectly dispassionate. He slowly started counting.

She sighed. He wasn't going to go away. She turned her back on the door and went to the sofa, curling up on it. "Come..." she sighed.

The door swished open. Saavar stepped inside the darkened room, the only light came in through the view port and that was wan and pale. The quarters were in deep shadow, delineated by lines of reflected light and shades of grey. His eyes were more accustomed to lower levels as it normally suited him, and he accustomed himself to the level before continuing to the form curled upon the sofa.

He looked down upon her for a brief moment before fluidly seating himself on the floor before her. He made no move to reach out to her. He simply composed his mind. He looked at her, neither embarrassed for her emotion nor judging her for it. The cause was entirely logical. He knew that she was strongly and emotionally focused upon an individual who had recently professed a marriage vow to another. She was dissatisfied with that event. Saavar also believed that she was also beginning to recognize the emotions for what they were. Shirik Lektar was in love. It would be unrequited. She would survive it. Logically time heals all wounds. This wound had been unexpected. Saavar knew her intimately, and she had not contacted him in five days.

She turned her gaze to him, his form glowing warm red in her night vision. "I'm sorry, Saavar," she whispered. "I just feel like being alone..." She wiped at an eye. She was embarrassed, and angry with herself. She was confused, and torn between the desire to run and hide from him and the desire to fling herself into his comforting arms.

"I persevered," he said softly. "You are not alone. You may perceive that you require solitude, but in truth you require comfort. Solitude is no answer for loneliness. You cannot hide when I feel what you feel. I remained apart to allow you sufficient solitude. That is no longer acceptable to me. I also require your presence. This is distressing for the both of us."

The need for comfort won out, and she slid from the sofa to slip herself into his arms, burying her face against his shoulder. "I'm sorry to cause you pain...."

"Your pain is my pain," he said gently as his arms encircled her. She seemed so tiny nestled against him. She was awash with emotion and he could feel it as her cheek and his met. The bond was established with no appreciable difficulty. Seek comfort, his mind whispered. I can mitigate the strength of this, he offered.

She clung to him tightly, and cried silently. Can you make me not love him?

No, but I can offer strength and comfort, and I can help you heal. You must examine your feelings and apply logic until they are separate from you. In this way Vulcans can suppress emotion until they are irrelevant. The techniques may assist you, though you are an emotional being. I can only offer you what I possess. I hope that it is enough. He brought up his hand and caressed her cheek, his fingers finding the points that allowed the most intimate of melds. Come into my mind, he thought as they meshed more fully. Together there is no sorrow.

Now she was afraid, as Ben's earlier words came to her about the bond, and how it would make her feel whether she wanted to or not. What if what she felt for Ben was turned to Saavar by the bond? Did she really have any control over what she felt any more?

Her thoughts were writ large in their mind and Saavar's response chided her for the fear and the uselessness of attempting to exert control over useless and hurtful emotions like love. He showed her that he was free of such things, that love was not of interest, and for him not worth exploration. Love was simply an emotional response to reproductive drives, a means to establish a primitive bonding far inferior to the mind meld, and a biological imperative to mate with a suitably fit and healthy specimen of the opposite sex. Seen in that context Saavar had little use for it, and certainly would not consider it as a form of coercion upon an intelligent being. His Vulcan condescension of the mere concept was profound. It was alien.

Shirik relaxed fractionally, as she realized that her fear of the bond, and Ben's explanation of its effect on her were wrong. She had been right, the love before the bonding had made all the difference in Ben's case, it couldn't make her feel something that wasn't there. Saavar was there for her, to be the steady rock she needed to cling to for that moment, to accept her unconditionally, without judgement, and to comfort her. She closed her eyes and gratefully sank into the bond with him. Although she'd cried herself to sleep earlier, she'd dreamed a disturbing dream, and was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Thank you, Saavar.

I am here for you, he thought with a touch of un-Vulcan tenderness. As you were there for me. If by my calming presence I can mitigate your pain, then I consider that well worth the effort.

That tenderness was just what she needed, and she relaxed further, calming at last.

Intellectually, I will also be learning more in regard to these complex emotional states. If I may? His questioning mental tone asked if he could continue. He did so as she consented. Perhaps you could explain to me why it is that you love Benedict. There has been no romantic or sexual activities upon which to base your feelings. It would help me to place this emotion in proper context and understand more fully its ramifications.

She laughed softly. He wanted her to explain her love to him? She barely understood it herself. Feelings often need no basis, she said. She couldn't put into words why she felt as she did. All she knew was that when she conjured up Ben's image in her mind, her heart swelled. She thought back to the dream she'd had just a while before Saavar's arrival. She'd dreamed, oddly enough, that she and Ben were married. No doubt it had been triggered by the news Ben brought her earlier, but there had been no pain in her dream. It had been a joyful, happy dream, and the pain only returned when she woke once more to discover it wasn't real.

She tried to answer Saavar's question as best she could, without words. She just thought of Ben, and let all the conflicting emotions now attached to him surface within her, so Saavar could sample them as well. The physical attraction had always existed, sparked when she first saw his picture in the crew manifest when she'd come on board. When she'd met him in person for the first time, that spark had ignited, fueled by the personality attached to the man, and the mutuality of the attraction she'd seen in the way he'd looked at her. Even though they'd done nothing sexual, the few brief touches they had shared, even to the innocent motion of brushing back a stray hair from a face, never failed to send a spark of desire through her.

But early on she'd stemmed those impulses, knowing they were pointless after his first visit to the computer core. And she concentrated on being his friend, learning his personality, and enjoying his company, which she did enjoy very much. Certainly they teased one another, and she flirted on occasion, but she even did that with Caly from time to time. It was just fun.

Things had changed, though. All the good memories she'd had to that point were now all tinged with the more recent pain of loss. She didn't imagine it could hurt much more if he were dead. He was as good as dead to her now, she thought. She couldn't bear to see him any more, she didn't want to spend any more time with him that would only serve to remind her of what she'd never have, of the potential possibilities forever lost to her. She'd lost more than possibilities, she'd also lost what she did have with him. She'd lost a friend, and perhaps that pain was the worst of all.

She didn't know how it all happened, she didn't know why she loved him, she only knew that she did, and was beginning to suspect she always would. She could understand how it could drive a lesser mind mad, but she would never be another Cathy Page.

Saavar understood it as her mind shared it. The emotions were raw and so strong, fuelled by her Drokari instincts. He felt saddened for her. To 'feel' in that way was an alien thing to the Vulcan, but a part of him responded to it none-the-less. To want or need someone so powerfully that to see them and not be with them caused such pain.... It was a further affirmation of the logic behind the Vulcan detachment toward their own strong emotions. Saavar felt compassion for her. It awoke his instincts of protection for her. He surrounded her with that compassion, and let her surrender to the grief. She loved, and she was passionate and he learned to respect those facets of her, for to the one whom those emotions would be returned, it would be exhilarating. The Vulcan also knew that he was incapable of it. It was truly beyond him.

That saddened her as well. True, at the moment love was only bringing her pain, but she'd known the joy it could bring, had touched it briefly, even if it was only in a dream. To think that Saavar would never know that joy was truly sad. She hoped he was wrong.

He enfolded her in strong arms, and rocked her as she wept.

She had few tears left. She was tired of crying. Now with Saavar's help she was calming, and could begin to see through her pain, compose herself once more. All she had was the fire in her Drokari soul, that relentless drive to never surrender to anything, and that would see her through.

Saavar reinforced that concept, fanned it as one would blow upon a mere spark to start a fire. It was necessary that she see herself through the ordeal - that she would survive it he was certain. There was nothing about her that suggested the weakness of wanting to end her life over her unrequited love. He held her and supported her, and the meld was gentle, drifting in and out of oneness and duality. Their bodies were close, yet Saavar neither felt that intimate contact, nor did he pursue it. As a male he was conscious of her femininity, and after a while he stroked her back, calming and affectionate to suit her need.

She drifted in it with him for a time, drawing strength from it. Then finally she drew back, disentangling herself from his arms. "Thank you, Saavar, you helped a lot. But... I think you should go now, I need some time to myself." She needed time to distance herself from her emotions, from her friends, and regroup herself.

He nodded. "I will see you again tomorrow," he stated. It wasn't a question. "Your desire to retreat into seclusion is an unhealthy but understandable reaction. You must fight against it. To fall back into a previous state is to entropy. It will lead you to contemplation of your situation in an unhealthy manner, re-inforcing a previously anti-social behaviour pattern that will not aid your duty to this ship, nor your personal growth."

"Don't talk to me about seclusion, Saavar. How many friends do you have on board that you spend time with?" she frowned. "If I choose to be anti-social, that's my choice." Everything was still too raw, she didn't want to face anyone, and she didn't want to be pushed into facing anyone.

"I have you," he stated simply.

She sighed. She couldn't deny that, and she knew she really couldn't avoid Saavar if she tried. There was nowhere she could hide from him, and she had no doubt as to his persistence. "All right... I'll see you tomorrow."

He allowed a faint smile to touch his Vulcan lips. "If you wish to talk, or simply be with me for any reason please do not hesitate to do so. If you do not wish to be alone, you are welcome to join me at any time off-duty. The invitation to stay in my quarters is still open to you should you wish it."

She nodded. "I know," she said quietly.

His slate grey eyes held hers for a long moment. "Very well. I will see you tomorrow. Do not forget to eat," he chided. "Your health is still fragile." He smiled then. "That is an order, Ensign."

A small smile, the first in some time, touched her lips. "Yes, sir."

He nodded and reached out to touch her cheek. It was a purely instinctive gesture, and his demeanour softened considerably. "Do not deny your friends of your company, Shirik. You would only be spreading more pain." With that he turned away from her and left.

It was flashes of compassion and tenderness like that that made her sure Saavar could love. She watched him go in silence, then decided maybe she would get something to eat.

---