"Thorns of the Trithin, Part 1"
By: Merrick Braston
and Kaysa Zenarr

Location: New Plouton
Date: Saris 26, 3ABY

***

Consciousness slowly rose up as if out of a deep pit. The first thing Merrick became aware of was Kaysa still in his arms, her body pressed to his. He blinked slowly as he watched her still closed eyes. She was so beautiful laying there with him, and so close. He couldn't believe everything that'd happened in the last few days. He couldn't believe how charged up Kaysa made him. He hadn't felt like that toward a woman since...he didn't want his thoughts to go down that path, but they did anyway. He hadn't felt this way since Liane. He didn't want to think about how that one ended. He kept telling himself that this time was different. He kept telling himself that whatever happened with Kaysa, wouldn't just be Liane all over again.

He knew that Kaysa was afraid of falling in love, and he was too, but he didn't know if he had any choice at this point. He could feel the familiar tug, the familiar surge of emotion. He didn't know if he could let himself though. Was it too soon? He pushed the thoughts away, telling himself not to overthink the situation. It'd only drive him crazy.

He smiled again as his eyes focused on Kaysa. He leaned close, the last couple centimeters separating them, and kissed her gently.

It was precisely what a woman dreamed about, the way any woman would choose to wake up: with a tender kiss from the man she had shared a night of passion with. It was a little different for Kaysa and Merrick, however, for the passion they shared was solely on an emotional level, despite the ecstasy they had shared earlier that evening, one that brought them, yet again, close to a physical passion. It was the first time in a long time that she had felt comfortable and happy in a man's embrace, a welcome change from the normal one night of empty sex that only left her with a feeling of guilt and desolation.

Kaysa felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth as the warmth of Merrick's lips invigorated her and reawakened her senses. Her arms were the first to become fully mobile again as she lifted them from her sides and wrapped them around Merrick's neck. "Is it morning already?" she whispered, her eyes finally opening only to be pulled in by Merrick's gray gems. The reflection of herself in them were as vivid as the warmth coursing through her body at that moment.

Merrick chuckled softly. "Yes it is," he whispered back. "And, fairly late in the morning at that. I think we wore ourselves out last night." Her body close to his was exhilarating, and he had to force his thoughts to something less stimulating before Kaysa found an erection pressing against her belly. He could tell his body was winning out over his mind, and he decided they would have to live with how his body reacted to her presence. "So, do you have any plans for the day? Or are you free to spend some time with me?"

Kaysa laughed quietly as she felt a familiar pressure against her, the pressure of something trying to escape Merrick's pants. She decided, for both their sakes, to shift away from Merrick and put some distance between them. "Well, after you take a cold shower, I'd love to spend the day with you. At least we can't get into trouble in broad daylight...or can we?" Kaysa said with a mischievous smile as she glanced down at Merrick's groin.

Merrick glanced down and then laughed. "I imagine if we try hard enough we can get into trouble any time. But, first a very cold shower for me." He gave her another kiss then slid out of the bed and moved toward the bathroom. "I'll only be a few moments. If you hear me shouting in there, it's just the cold water." He gave her another grin and then disappeared through the door.

Kaysa pushed herself up into a sitting position and leaned against the headboard as she let the residual feelings of sleep wear off. It was strange, to her, feeling so at home in some else's bed, feeling as if she could be content merely spending the day in bed with Merrick just talking. It wasn't a new feeling, but it was one she hadn't felt for quite some time. "So, what do you have planned for us today?" Kaysa called out as her voice competed with the sounds of rushing water.

From within the shower, Merrick laughed. "I don't know yet," he called back. "How would you like to take in some music? There's some other acts in New Plouton that I'd like to listen to." The cold water was helping, he realized with another chuckle. He knew he'd lose count of the number of cold showers he'd be taking for as long as he knew Kaysa. But, he couldn't give up on her; he needed her in his life.

"Oh, scouting out the competition, are we?" Kaysa teased as she rose from the bed and stretched out her arms. "Inviting me along so I can seduce them while you steal their instruments?"

Merrick laughed. "I'm inviting you because I like spending time with you," he called as he shut off the water. "And, I think I'll hold off on stealing their instruments until the next time." He grabbed a towel and started drying off. "It'll be a little scouting, and a little enjoying music. Does it sound okay?" He moved to the doorway after wrapping a towel around himself. "I don't know the bands, but I thought it would be a nice day."

Kaysa turned around, her eyes falling immediately to below Merrick's waist. A tempting sight, one that brought a contented smile to her face and a flush to her cheeks as she mentally willed the towel to fall off. Of course, much to her chagrin, the towel remained quite securely wrapped around his waist. "Well, it sounds great," Kaysa said, tearing her eyes away from the towel and slowly back up towards his face, but not before she examined his glistening chest. She remembered her lips ravishing that chest last night, her mouth suckling on his nipples... She had to force those thoughts out of her mind quickly, lest she rush towards him and pull the towel from his waist with her own hands. "I think I should freshen up a bit myself. Do you mind if I take a shower of my own?" Kaysa asked.

Merrick motioned Kaysa toward the bathroom. "Not at all," he said. "Fresh towels are in the cabinet against the wall. I've got the basics for cleaning up. If you want, we can swing by your apartment for you to get a fresh change of clothes on the way out. Or, maybe we can go get you something new on the way. Either way is fine by me." He didn't trust himself to move closer to her, not wearing only a towel. He laughed as he moved to the closet, stopping to watch Kaysa go into the bathroom. At least life would be exciting.

"Offering to buy me a new wardrobe, Merrick?" Kaysa asked playfully as she stepped into the bathroom and began disrobing. "I don't think you could afford my tastes, Braston," Kaysa added with a laugh as she turned on the water and stepped into the shower.

"You'd be surprised," Merrick said under his breath. He picked out a pair of casual pants and a shirt and quickly dressed while Kaysa showered. Once he was clothed, he moved toward the bathroom. "Well, I'll buy you one thing as long as it doesn't put me in debt. How's that sound?"

"Well," Kaysa shouted as she let the water fall down upon her, cold water, just in case, "I usually don't take gifts from men," --although I've never refused before-- "but something small wouldn't hurt." Kaysa quickly lathered up and washed the soap off, jumping out of the shower and away from the frigid water. "I mean, I don't mind buying you drinks anytime you like, but anything else would be just too out of my budget." Kaysa wrapped a towel around herself, one, she couldn't help thinking, that was large enough to fit Merrick inside as well. She stepped out of the bathroom, while rubbing her hair with another towel and smiled at Merrick. "Took the towel off without me, I see," she quipped. "A shame, but I'm sure there will be other opportunities."

Merrick laughed. "I'm sure there will be," he said with a grin. "Though, it looks like you're wearing one I can help you with." He took a few steps closer, a grin spread out over his face. The temptation was great, but he held himself back for now. "Actually, that's a nice ensemble you have there. You can wear that out today if you'd like." He gave her a playfully mischievous smile.

"You'd be delighted if I did, wouldn't you?" Kaysa moved to the bed and sat down as she continued to dry her hair. "Last night was...it was different," Kaysa began, the words she was looking for escaping her at that moment. It was difficult finding words for a new experience, emotions never felt before. "I mean," Kaysa added, resting the towel used to dry her hair onto her lap, "I know we've shared a bed before, along with some secrets about ourselves, but I realized something last night. I realized that I can be with you, but that I don't need to share myself with you to have a relationship. Is that making sense?"

Merrick moved over and sat next to her on the bed. "Yes it does," he said. "We have something special, something different and out of the ordinary. It's something other than sexual, but there is a sexuality to it. I mean, I'm still drawn to you, the need is still there. But, it's something much more than that. It's kind of hard to describe." He watched her for a moment. They did have a relationship, but he wasn't quite sure what kind of relationship it was. Whatever it was, it would certainly make things lively.

Kaysa laughed quietly to herself and lay her head on Merrick's shoulder. "I know what you mean, Merrick. Frankly, I don't know if I could ever picture myself with one man again. Monogamy just seems like such a foreign concept to me now, but is that really what this is? We haven't slept with each other, our relationship really isn't defined...what are we, Merrick?"

Merrick laughed. "An aberration," he said. "I don't know what we are. I mean, monogamy doesn't scare me, and if I found the right person... But, I don't know about us. I mean, my feelings are strong and my body's reaction is strong, but I don't know. It's all very new. I mean there are familiar feelings, but there are differences. I know I want to spend more time with you, that I do know without any doubts." He put an arm around her and held her close as she leaned against him. He would welcome a steady relationship with Kaysa, but he had serious doubts she could do the same. He had a feeling as soon as things started getting serious, she would leave. And, he couldn't bear that again.

"Well, there's plenty of time to figure all that out," Kaysa said quietly as she wrapped her arms around Merrick's waist. "Right now we shall be...Merrick and Kaysa; musician and tease. That works for me." Kaysa nestled her head into Merrick's shoulder, closing her eyes and letting all her inhibitions, all her anxieties slip away. She knew where all this was leading as her feelings for Merrick came into focus, even though she tried to push them away. "I could so easily just... You're an easy person to be around, Merrick," Kaysa said with a gentle sigh.

Merrick closed his eyes as he held Kaysa close. "You too," he said softly. "And, musician and tease works for me too." He kissed the top of her head as she snuggled close to him. "Somewhere between friends, lovers, and strangers."

"You're a poet at heart, Merrick. I can tell," Kaysa whispered. "And, I should probably get dressed, shouldn't I?" she asked, looking up at him and smiling. "You could always help me," she said as she winked at him suggestively.

Merrick raised his eyebrows playfully, a grin spreading across his face. "That sounds like a very good plan," he said as he grabbed the edge of her towel and tugged at it gently.

Kaysa smiled and lightly slapped Merrick's hand as the towel fell away. "You do plan on leaving the house today, don't you?" Kaysa teased as she wrapped her arms around Merrick's neck and pulled herself onto his lap. "You're making things very difficult," she said quietly as she brushed her lips against his.

Merrick smiled and then kissed her again. He let his hands brush lightly up and down her sides as he gazed into her eyes. "I excel at that," he whispered. "It's one of my charms, I think. And, I'm sure we will get out of here at some point. It may be dark again by then, but that's when all the good music happens." He gave her another kiss, a much more passionate one as his hands moved to her breasts and began gently caressing.

Kaysa could feel an increasing pressure against her thigh, much like the one from earlier that morning. She had just finished discussing with Merrick how she felt better able to resist him, yet she now found herself unable to tear her lips away from his. "I have to change..." she tried to say as her mouth momentarily left his, but even that moment of separation was far too long for Kaysa. She returned her lips to his in mid-sentence and felt Merrick beginning to recline back onto the bed, pulling her down with him.

Merrick wrapped his arms tight around Kaysa, pulling her to him. He felt like he was on fire; it was a feeling he was getting very used to. His thoughts were getting jumbled as their lips were locked together with passions flaring out of control. His hands moved back to caressing and exploring her body.

Kaysa began sliding her hands into Merrick's pants, but she quickly shook her head and gave a muffled, "No," as she tried to pull her lips away from Merrick's. She closed up her hands into fists, the only thing preventing her from getting them down his pants. She pushed herself off of him with such force that she rolled off the bed and onto the carpeted floor with a grunt. She sat there for a while longer, her chest heaving and her mind still in a frenzy as she licked her lips decadently, savouring the taste of Merrick still present on her mouth.

Merrick lay on the bed, listening as their heavy breathing seemed almost orchestral. It brought a wry smile to his face. "We did it again," he said. "I think you're going to have to get dressed on your own."

"Not until I've had another cold shower," Kaysa replied as she unsteadily got to her feet and peered down at Merrick on the bed. "You are going to have to learn some self restraint, Merrick," she chided breathlessly as she turned towards the bathroom, tripping on one of her fallen towels before stumbling off.

He nodded. "Yes," he echoed, "self restraint." As she disappeared into the bathroom, he shook his head. "Self restraint has never been one of my strong points." He chuckled softly and wondered how they were going to get through this. They kept coming so close, and then pulling back. He would definitely need to learn some self restraint if they were going to make it through this unscathed. He stayed on the bed listening to the sound of the water running in the other room. Being out in public with lots of people around would help.

---

"Thorns of the Trithin, Part 2"
By: Merrick Braston
and Kaysa Zenarr

Location: New Plouton
Date: Saris 26, 3ABY

***

"New Plouton looks much better at night," Kaysa commented as she and Merrick strolled along through the bustling streets. "There certainly are alot less people roaming around at that time," she added as yet another person hurried past her, bumping into her as they did. "I've thought of moving before, even off of Tae'Karada completely, but Zenarr Inc.'s here, and where she is, I stay."

Merrick nodded as they walked. "It's amazing how much less rude they all are when they want autographs," he said. "You know, I don't think I've actually seen New Plouton during the day before, and it does look better at night. I think most places do. There's something about nighttime that I'm drawn to. It's much cleaner, and less false."

"Darkness has the ability to mask imperfections, blotting out reality and leaving you free to see what you wanna see. I know that when I'm with a man, I--" Kaysa let her statement hang, suddenly aware of how Merrick might feel about her discussing her sex life. She assumed he wouldn't appreciate it in the least. "So...are we going shopping?" Kaysa asked nonchalantly after a moment's silence.

Merrick laughed. "Subtle," he said with a grin. "If you'd like that new outfit, sure we're going shopping. And, when you're with a man...?" He was intrigued to know what the rest of that would be. He wanted to know more about Kaysa, and he knew she'd given him very little. He knew that he'd been doing most of the talking, and she hadn't said much about herself. He also knew that he'd held some back in what he was telling her. There were certain things he wasn't ready to bring out into the open, like Liane.

Kaysa glanced sideways at Merrick with an uncertain expression on her face. "You really wanna know? I mean, it won't offend you?"

Merrick nodded. "Yes, I want to know," he said with a smile. "And, it takes quite a bit to offend me."

Kaysa stared at Merrick a moment longer, deliberating about how exactly to word what she was going to say. Men normally didn't enjoy hearing about a woman's past flings, but that was only if the woman was his girlfriend and, frankly, Kaysa was still completely unsure as to what she and Merrick were to each other. "Well," Kaysa began, taking a deep breath and looking away, "I was saying that when I'm with a man, I normally like the lights to be off. If the lights are on, I simply close my eyes. In the dark, it's easier to picture someone else's face on the person you're screwing. Besides, it's easier to disconnect yourself from what you're doing if you don't have to focus on the person you're doing it with."

A look of confusion passed over Merrick's features. "Why disconnect while lovemaking? Do you have to do that often? Have sex with a man even though you'd rather not be with him?" He watched Kaysa as they walked, his heart going out to her. He wished he could do something for her, help her get past her past. And, maybe she can help me get past mine, he thought. Their relationship, such as it was, would definitely be a messy, emotional one.

"It's not lovemaking, Merrick. That's the point," Kaysa said plainly. "Of course I love having sex with men, that's why I do it, but it's not necessary for me to get intimate with him emotionally in order to perform the act. What does it matter if I think of another man while I'm screwing a complete stranger? I doubt that it matters much to them at the time."

"I imagine for most men it's just a matter of getting off," he said. "And, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. Hell, I'd be lying if I'd said I'd never done the same thing. I guess I was just curious about that part of your life." He looked around at the stores surrounding them. "So, what kind of store did you want to get that new outfit in? And, you'd better not say one of the native shops." He gave her a sly grin.

"Well, definitely not one of those fancy shops. I'm thinking I just want something plain," Kaysa replied. "And what about you? When you sleep with a strange woman, is there that emotional attachment for you? Or do you just go through the motions like a drone, driven only by your physical needs," Kaysa asked with a smile.

Merrick smiled back at Kaysa. "Sex is something that happens between two people," he said, "so I try to be there as much as I can be. But, I try to not form any emotional bonds. I'm there because the person I'm with intrigues me enough that I want to be with them for a few hours, to share myself on at least some intimate level. I mean, I don't fall in love while having sex, but I don't detach from it either. I don't know if any of that makes sense." He looked at a shop that seemed to be selling fashions from around the outer rim. "How about this one?"

Kaysa glanced quickly at the shop and nodded her head. "Yeah, looks great," she replied hurriedly before jumping back to their initial topic. "So, you think I'm cold and unfeeling because I use men to satisfy my physical urges? So I'm a slut and you're not only because you have some glamourized view of sex while for me, it's just a simple primal act?" Kaysa asked interrogatively. "Thanks a lot, Braston," Kaysa scoffed as she pushed through the door of the shop.

Merrick shook his head and followed her in. "I never said that," he said once he'd caught up to her. "And, I never thought it. We all do what we have to do. I'm not judging you, but it sure sounds like you're judging yourself. You asked me about my physical needs so I told you. But, if you want to get pissed at me for my views on sex, take a step back before accusing."

"Don't start analyzing me, Braston," Kaysa shot back as she began rifling through the clothing on the rack. "I am not pissed because you're portraying yourself as this giving, tender lover, I'm just astonished that you're condescending enough to think that you leave some lasting impression on the women you screw, that it's a gift you're giving to them by taking off your pants and sticking your dick inside of them. You are seriously deluded, you know that?" Kaysa said as she pulled a dress off the rack and pushed past Merrick on her way to the changing room.

"I never said any such thing," he snapped as he followed after her. "And, I do leave a lasting impression. How could I not? I'm a fucking celebrity! My name's up on the marquee in meter tall letters. They remember me because they bought my album, and I stuck my dick in them. But, that's all I am to them. A celebrity fuck. It's just a different kind of autograph, but I at least want to try to make it something special for them. What's the point of fucking someone if you're gonna check out part way through? Why not just masturbate? And, then you can have the lights on or off, and don't need to worry about trying to picture a different face; you can just picture whatever face you want."

Kaysa cried out in frustration as she tossed the dress into Merrick's face and glared at him, her face becoming a very attractive shade of crimson. "You think you know everything, don't you?! You're so deep, so in touch with your feelings that I guess that qualifies you as an expert on everyone and everything, right? You know what makes them tick, what drives them, but guess what, Braston," Kaysa spat, "you don't know what goes on in my head. You never will if you continue to be just some big celebrity who's been to the edges of the galaxy and back singing your way into people's hearts and into their beds. I don't want to be with that person, that facade. I want the person I allowed myself to open up to last night, and if that person was just another one of your personae, some tactic you used to gain my confidence so I'd open my legs, then I think we should end this right now."

Merrick tossed the dress onto a nearby rack and turned back to Kaysa. "I don't know what goes on in your head, because you keep shutting me out. And I have no illusions that you'll open your legs for me, that's for everyone else. Me, I'm just Merrick, the guy you can open up to. You can go close your eyes and fuck everyone else. You're the one who has a problem with your sexual activities, not me. What do I care? Why should I care? Don't get upset at me because I think sex is something special and not a way to manipulate people into getting what you want." He looked around the store and the people now staring at them. He shook his head and laughed. "Look, this isn't worth it. If you think I'm just some big facade, then let's end this now." He turned toward the door, and then quickly back to Kaysa. "I'm not the rest of your men, Kaysa. You keep trying to pin me down as 'just another fucking man' but that's not me. I'm sorry you got hurt whenever it was, but stop taking it out on me. Have a nice life." He turned and stalked toward the door.

Kaysa stood there, watching Merrick as he walked out of her life. Moments ago, she had so much to say, yet as Merrick slipped out of reach, her mouth only fumbled with the words she wanted to cry out at him. A sense of anxiety began to rise up in her, a sense of urgency. She wanted to run after Merrick, pull him into her arms and apologize for everything, tell him he was completely right and she was a fool. Kaysa jumped as the door slammed shut and Merrick disappeared from view. She didn't even know what they were fighting about or why she was so upset with him. He was merely opening up to her, speaking truthfully to her and she blew up at him like the temperamental idiot she knew she was.

As she watched him, she could feel the wounds of the past reopening and her heart began to ache. The image of Merrick turning his back on her hit far too close to home and surprisingly, it hurt more this time than it had the first time. "Don't be a fucking fool, Kaysa," she muttered under her breath as she stood frozen in the shop, all the patrons still staring at her. She was beginning to miss Merrick and he had only been gone for a matter of seconds. It was a strange feeling for Kaysa, to feel her heart tugging harder the further away Merrick walked. She knew, then, that despite the short time they had spent together, Merrick had already managed to force his way into her heart, had already laid claim to a piece of her and was now walking away with it. There was no way she was letting that happen, no way in hell.

"Get out of my way," she said to one of the patrons as she pushed her way out of the changing room. "Dammit, everyone get outta my way!" she hollered frantically as she rushed through the shop and burst out of the doors. "Merrick!" she cried out as she scanned the streets. Her eyes darted back and forth as she looked upon only the faces of strangers and not the familiar gray eyes she had grown to love. "Merrick!" she called out again, her voice and her resolve wavering. "Where are you?" she squeaked out before her throat constricted on her and her eyes glazed over with tears.

The lamppost against his back offered some comfort to Merrick. It was grounding him to the world and without it, he felt like he might just slip away. What had he done? He'd just walked away from Kaysa. But, that's what she wanted. She was pushing him and he let her push, and so he'd left. He'd walked out of the store. He didn't want to go. He liked her; he liked who he was with her. How could he go back now? Would she even want to be near him again?

He was about to tell himself there was no going back, when he found himself moving. He looked up and realized he was going back toward the shop. Stop, he told himself; but he couldn't. The park he'd entered quickly disappeared behind him and he was back out in the street. Kaysa stood out in front of the store, looking around. He kept moving toward her. She hadn't seen him yet and he closed another few meters before she did. He felt himself surge forward until he was pulling her into his arms and kissing her.

Kaysa wrapped her arms tightly around Merrick. Her body trembled as she shed the tears, ones she'd been saving for years, ones she promised never to shed over any man again. Yet, there she was, standing in the middle of the street and weeping uncontrollably as she embraced Merrick. He'd come back to her; she hadn't expected that and she didn't quite know how to react to what she was feeling as he stood there, kissing her.

She had never pined for a man in years as she had for Merrick in those short few moments he had been gone. Her legs felt flimsy and unreliable and she wasn't certain how much longer they'd be able to support her, but as long as she was in Merrick's arms, she knew she wouldn't fall. "I'm sorry," she whispered in his ear as she pulled her lips away and lay her head upon his shoulder. "I didn't mean it. I'm a neurotic fool, that's all. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," he whispered back to her. "I'll never walk away from you again." He kissed her. Wherever he could find to kiss on her, lips, neck, cheeks, or whatever, he did. He held her close. "Do you still want to get that outfit? We can still get it. And, for the pain of these last fifteen minutes, I'll get you two." He kissed her again.

He was right. He had walked out on her, but the difference with Merrick was he had come back to her. The last time a man walked out on her, he continued walking no matter how loud she protested or how bitterly she wept. Merrick was different, she knew that and always had. That's why it scared her when he left her alone in that shop. She refused to let him go, not when there was a chance he was the man she had unconsciously searched for her entire life.

Kaysa laughed quietly and pressed herself closer to Merrick, afraid if she didn't hold onto him tightly enough that he'd slip out of her grasp. "You can buy me three dresses," she said softly as a sense of relief washed over her. "And I'll even let you dress me in them."

"Deal," he said and kissed her again. "Let's go find you those dresses, and then we'll head off to one of the local clubs and listen to someone make music for us."

He'd almost lost her, but it hadn't happened. And, he would never let it happen again. He needed her in his life, and he'd do everything in his power to make sure she was. He started back into the shop, with his arms still tightly around Kaysa. Walking was awkward, but he didn't care. She was close, and that's what mattered. "So, did you want me to help you try those dresses on?"

"I think you might have to. I'm a little shaky right now," she said playfully with her arms wrapped firmly around Merrick's waist. "Do you think the clerk will even let us buy from her after the scene we made?"

Merrick laughed softly. "My money should be good," he said. "And, if she doesn't go for that, I'll just get her some free drinks and a show at the White Noise. And, if she still doesn't go for it, we'll just go buy from the competition." As they moved to a rack of clothes, Merrick kissed Kaysa's neck gently as she looked through the various choices. "I like that one," he said, indicating a dress made of a soft black fabric. It was a fairly conservative cut, but still a very nice dress.

"It is rather pretty isn't it?" Kaysa asked as she pulled the dress off the rack and ran her fingers over the material. "Shall we try it on?" she added, looking up at Merrick with a suggestive smile on her face. She laughed quietly and started for the changing room, grabbed Merrick's collar and pulling him along.

Merrick followed along, allowing himself to be dragged by Kaysa. They got back into the changing room and he laughed softly as the door closed. The look they got from the clerk outside as they slipped into the changing room together was priceless, but the woman made no move to stop them. When the door closed, he turned to Kaysa with a large grin on his face.

"Well?" Kaysa said with an expectant look on her face. "Aren't you gonna help?" she asked coyly as she slowly unzipped the back of her skirt. "They should really invest in some communal changing rooms. This one is far too small for our purposes."

Merrick grinned and stepped forward. "Well, I think it'll do this time," he said, "but I think we should put in a suggestion when we go up to pay." He took the new dress and hung it up on one of the spindles attached to the side wall, then moved to help Kaysa with her shirt. He lifted the sleeveless top over her head as she put her hands up. He dropped it to the side and stopped to look into Kaysa's eyes before helping her with removing her skirt.

"I'm sorry I was a bitch," she said quietly as she stepped out of her skirt, standing before Merrick completely in the nude. "I...I get paranoid sometimes when things seem too good to be true and then I freak out, and..." Kaysa laughed gently as she became aware of her ramblings and looked up at Merrick. "I missed those eyes," she said to him as she slid her hand across his cheek.

"These eyes missed you," he said as he pulled her into his arms. "And, everything's okay now, Kaysa." He kissed her slowly, enjoying the feeling of her body so close to his. Hell, he just enjoyed being in the same room as her. But, having her naked body pressed to his was also very nice, and definitely having an effect on him.

"For now," Kaysa added, letting her pessimism creep out, but quickly pushing it away as she extended her arm and removed the dress from its hanger. "I asked you in here to help me dress, not to ravish me. Now, get on with it," Kaysa commanded with a smile on her face as she stepped back and held out the dress towards Merrick.

Merrick laughed. "Sorry," he said, and took the dress from her. "Now arms up." As she put her arms up, he slid the dress down over her body. The fit was a very good one. He gave an enthusiastic nod of his approval. "You look beautiful. You have to own this dress, it looks like it was made for you." He looked at the price tag and felt himself wince. He carefully removed the tag and stepped back. "I think you should be able to wear that out, and I'll just hand them the tag at the counter."

"It's not too much, is it?" Kaysa asked as she admired the dress, running her hands across it and smoothing out the fabric. "We can look for another one if this one is out of your budget."

He laughed. "No," he said, "it's fine. And, I've already pulled the tag off. We're getting this one. Did you want to look at those other two dresses now, or would you rather do that later?"

"No, this one's fine for now. It's perfect, actually," Kaysa said as she looked up at Merrick and smiled with her cheeks flushing. "Thank you, Merrick. I...I owe you," she said quietly as she reached up and kissed him on the cheek.

"No you don't," he said with a smile. "You don't owe me anything. It's all okay. So, how about we pay for that dress of yours, and then go find a club to disappear into for a few hours?" He grabbed her discarded clothing and then opened the door so they could go to the front counter to pay. Once there, he handed the clerk the price tag and his credit chip. She scanned the price into the computer, and when the price popped up on the computer screen, Merrick quickly distracted Kaysa with a kiss. As the clerk started to read off the amount she was going to charge to his chip, he silenced her with a gesture. The woman wasn't happy, but she gave Merrick a receipt and he hustled himself and Kaysa back onto the street.

"So," Merrick said, once they were outside. "I think there's some good stuff this way. Shall we?"

"Of course," Kaysa answered, wrapping her arm around Merrick's and almost skipping happily by his side. "I can't believe it. When I'm with you, one minute I'm at tears, and the next, I'm more content than I've been in, well...almost ten years," Kaysa said with a sigh. "You're really turning my life upside down, Merrick. I'm not so sure yet if that's a good thing or a bad thing"

Merrick laughed. "Well, hopefully it'll be a good thing," he said. "And, I know what you're feeling. I say we just go with it and assume it'll be a good thing." They walked along for about ten minutes, arm in arm and just enjoying each other's company, before they came to the Yelldon, a part of New Plouton where many of the nightclubs could be found. "So, what kind of music are you in the mood for?"

"I dunno, nothing too heavy," Kaysa replied, looking down at her dress and watching it sway as she walked. "I love the way this material feels against my skin...almost as much as I love the way you feel against it," she said with a husky laugh. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Merrick couldn't help smiling, mainly because it was true. Well, he wasn't quite sure about how he felt against her skin, but he knew she felt good against him. "It's okay," he said after a moment. "I mean, I know you feel good against my body, and that's with all my clothes on." He gave her a grin. "Why don't we try this one over here. They've got a Kessel jizz band playing." He led the way to a small club at the end of the block. "The dress looks very good on you. The fit is amazing, and the colour works really well with your skin and eyes. It was made for you. By the end of the day, you'll probably have a number of offers to go home with men looking like you do."

"And would you let me accept if someone asked, Merrick?" Kaysa asked. She knew she was testing him to judge his reaction, a reaction that might give her more insight into exactly what was going on between them. Did she want him to be jealous? Did she even want to make him jealous by flirting with other men? Maybe if she did, she'd know exactly where they stood with one another.

"Say, for example, if I walked over to that man and let him feel me up, how would you feel?"

Merrick looked away. "I don't think I'd like it," he said. "I don't know. I mean it's stupid of me, right? I'd have to live with it though. I mean, you're you. And, we're not intimate. So, it shouldn't bother me what you do with other men, right?"

"That's not what I asked, Merrick. Does it bother you? I won't think you're some overprotective, domineering jerk if you admit that it does," Kaysa said as they neared the entrance to the club. "I just...I guess I like stirring up trouble. I wanna see how far I can push things with you. It would certainly give me a better idea of what exactly whatever this is between us is. I know if you went up and kissed that blonde over there, I'd probably slug you, but that's just because I'm the possessive type," Kaysa added with a smile.

Merrick chuckled. "Yes," he said, "it'd bother me. I guess I may be a little possessive and jealous to think of you with someone else, even though we're not really together. I think if you went home with someone else while we're out together, or went up and started trying to pick up someone else, I'd be upset over it." He looked at her and grinned. "I think that makes me fairly normal, right?"

"Well, if you were my boyfriend that would be a fairly normal reaction, but we're not dating Merrick, at least as far as I know." Kaysa glanced sideways at Merrick, trying to hold back a smile as she attempted to lead him down a path she wasn't certain she was ready to follow herself. "Is...is that what you want, Merrick? To date? To pledge our fidelity to each other, to go out to dinner once a week, to reject another's advances and tell them you're taken?" Kaysa laughed quietly to herself and shook her head, hoping if she shook hard enough, the sense she seemed to have lost would fall back into place. "Dumb question, right?"

Merrick laughed. "Well, when you make it sound so domestic and boring, then yes. But, I don't know. I don't know what I want. You sound like you don't want an exclusive relationship, so that pretty much settles it right there. But, I don't know what I want. I know I like you very much, and I enjoy the time we spend together. But, you said yourself you wouldn't appreciate me going over to kiss someone else. Where it all puts us, I have no idea."

"Should we stop talking about this? It never gets us anywhere anyway, so why don't we just make our way on over to the club and have a few drinks while we listen to some music," Kaysa said as she adjusted the strap on her dress and moved in closer to Merrick. "Today, though, I think we should both refrain from trying to pick up other members of the opposite sex. Deal?"

"Sounds like a good deal to me," Merrick said as they started toward the club. "I haven't heard these guys before, but one of the bartenders was saying they're good." He slipped an arm around Kaysa's waist as they approached and then entered the club. They found a quiet booth toward the back, but it had a nice view of the stage. "How's this?"

"It's perfect," Kaysa answered as she slid into the booth, looking out at the stage. "Do they know you around here? I mean, I'm sure you can use your celebrity status to get us a few drinks on the house," she suggested. "How famous are you, exactly? I mean, how much of a household name are you?"

Merrick smiled. "Well, my name is known in a lot of households, but not every household," he said. "And, I've never been here before, so we'll just have to see what happens. I'll see if I can get us something on the house."

A waitress approached their table after delivering another drink order. When she got there, her eyes went wide when she saw Merrick. "You're Merrick Braston," she said with barely contained enthusiasm. "Oh my...you're THE Merrick Braston!"

Merrick chuckled softly. "I am," he said. "And, a very thirsty Merrick Braston at that."

She blushed a bright shade of red, and quickly brought up her datapad. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said.

"It's okay," he said, his voice trying to convey some reassurance to the girl.

The girl took their orders and left to turn them in, but not before asking for an autograph. Merrick gave it willingly, and it looked like he'd made her day. Once she was gone, he laughed softly to himself.

He turned to Kaysa and winked. "I guess she knew me," he said with a grin.

Kaysa chuckled and nodded her head. "Looks that way to me. Does this mean you're gonna be hounded the entire night by that waitress who obviously has a thing for you?" Kaysa asked flatly. "Don't you get tired of all the attention? I mean, it's not even being directed towards me and I'm already growing weary of it."

He nodded. "Yes," he said, "it does, but you can't seem ungrateful to the fans. They find out you're a bastard and your music stops selling and no one wants to come hear you sing." He flashed Kaysa a grin. "Well, my attention, that which isn't directed at the band when they start, will be on you. I hope you don't mind. And, next time she comes over here, I'm going to give you a kiss just to let her know where she stands. I hope you don't mind that either. And, if she becomes a problem, I'll have a talk with the manager. Sound good?"

"Sounds good, but don't break the kid's heart. She's being the typical loyal fan. Would you expect anything less of her than constant ogling and incessant doting?" Kaysa smiled and moved her hand across the table. She held it palm up for Merrick, inviting him to take it and to show the waitress exactly who his mind was on at that moment. "And I wouldn't mind that kiss, even if the waitress isn't around."

Merrick smiled. "Okay, no heartbreaking." Though, I wonder how breakable my heart will prove to be in this whole mess, he asked himself. He slid out from the bench he was sitting on and moved over to where Kaysa was sitting. He slid back into the booth and took her hand as he closed the distance between them. Their lips came together, and once again Merrick felt his passion flair. Their bodies were once again close, and Merrick could feel the heat radiating between them. Finally the kiss broke and he sat back a little. He had no idea how to define their relationship, but their kisses were amazing. "I could really get used to kissing you."

"Yeah, well I don't think she could get used to watching you kiss another," Kaysa said, motioning her head towards the now flustered waitress approaching. "I think you may have to give her another autograph to keep her from breaking down into tears," she teased as she stifled a laugh.

The waitress approached on unsteady legs. She slowly set down their drinks and started to turn to go. Merrick caught her attention before she could get away. "I'm doing a regular gig over at the White Noise. Stop by there day after tomorrow, and talk to Trall, and he'll get you into my show." The excitement returned to her eyes and she quickly rushed off back to the bar after letting loose with a string of thank you's.

---

"Thorns of the Trithin, Part 3"
By: Merrick Braston
and Kaysa Zenarr

Location: New Plouton
Date: Saris 26, 3ABY

***

Once the waitress was gone, Merrick laughed. "That was pretty easy."

"You're quite the generous man," Kaysa commented as she took her drink in hand and poured it down her throat. "I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up in your dressing room after your next show, although I hope it won't be as pleasant a surprise as when I did it." Kaysa smiled gently and looked up at Merrick, suddenly wanting to say so much to him yet all the right words eluding her. "When you ran out on me today," Kaysa began with some uncertainty, "what was on your mind? And how far did you actually get?" she added with a grin.

Merrick shook his head and laughed softly. "I didn't get far. Just inside of the park across the street. And, then I realized I just couldn't go any farther. I realized I didn't want to be without you, and that I couldn't leave you like that. I realized that I, uh..." He stared at his glass for a long moment before continuing. He knew what he wanted to say, but didn't know if he could. "...realized it wasn't the right thing to do, so I came back."

Kaysa noticed the hesitation in Merrick's response, which meant he was holding something back. She knew she could be very persistent if she wanted to be, but he was averting her gaze, and she could feel his heart pounding in his chest as she leaned against him. He was holding something important back, something causing him great anxiety at that moment, but Kaysa wasn't certain if she wanted to pursue it.

She could only guess at what he wanted to say, even though she had a feeling her guess was probably a very accurate one. She couldn't push him, for if she did and he confessed to her what was truly on his mind, she was afraid her reaction would be a disastrous one. However, her curiousity was piqued, and she could do nothing but pursue the matter. "So," she said in an unsteady voice, "you came back because you felt guilty for leaving me there? You seemed too angry to give a damn about what happened to me from that point on. I think you came back because you figured it was a good opportunity to get me in the sack for some make-up sex," she said with a short laugh.

He gave a dry laugh and shook his head. "Yeah," he said, "that was it. I figured running away and coming back as the best way to get you in the sack." He shook his head again and took a drink. "I don't know. I'm probably going to have myself checked out by a psychologist in the next couple days. I think I need it." He downed the rest of his drink in a swallow, and signaled for the waitress to bring them another round. "I don't know why I came back. Maybe the psychologist can help me with that too."

"Well, I know why I came back," Kaysa said quietly as she played with her glass. "You saw me back there. I was a mess. I was scared shitless that I'd screwed everything up like I always do. Just watching you leave that shop today...I thought I was gonna crumple onto the ground and just cry until the entire shop was flooded." Kaysa laughed as the irony of the situation suddenly hit her. "I was afraid of precisely that happening if we slept together and you left me. I was afraid that if I opened up myself to you like that and you abandoned me, I'd blame myself again. It's different, though, this time. We we haven't even had sex and in spite of that, I was still ready to jump in front of a speeder and end it all; I was still devastated. I don't think it's a matter of sex anymore, Merrick. I think our hearts are far too much involved in all this and we're both fools for letting that happen. I came after you today because..." Kaysa paused and looked up at Merrick, gripping his hand firmly. "I came back because I need you, Merrick. I feel stupid for feeling that way, but I do."

Merrick nodded. "Yeah," he said softly. "That's about it for me too. I came back because I don't think I can keep going without you. Everything would feel so empty and lifeless...and pointless." He squeezed her hand in his and then met her gaze. "I don't know what's happening between us, I-- No, that's not true, I think I've got a good idea, at least for me. I tried to keep a distance, but I couldn't. I tried to stay back from it all, but not enough. And, in the end, I think...um, I think...I think I ended up falling in love." He looked away and stared at his empty glass; he couldn't help finding amusement in the irony of their situation. Most people would be happy to find themselves in love. "I couldn't stop it, as much as we both tried, and there it is. And, it's not going away." He looked back at her. "And, neither am I."

Kaysa felt her gaze faltering and her hand trembling despite Merrick's firm grip on it. He'd done it now, he'd taken them down the road Kaysa was so reluctant to tread on. She knew it had been coming, that Merrick had been wanting to say that to her, but somehow knowing had done nothing to prepare her for the impact of actually hearing it. Her resolve was quickly fleeing and panic began to take hold. He assured her that he wouldn't be leaving, but hearing that wasn't good enough. She'd heard it before and regretted believing it all those years ago, but this time it was Merrick saying it and Merrick was different...wasn't he?

"Where is that fucking waitress with our drinks?" Kaysa muttered as her head began to spin and her stomach began to churn. Kaysa still had no idea how to respond to what Merrick had told her and wasn't certain what would actually come out of her mouth if she tried. She suddenly felt as if the room was closing in on her and her heart was beating furiously against her chest. She needed to get out. She could feel the bitter taste of acid rising up in her throat as her gag reflexes began to kick in. "Move!" she said quickly with her hand over her mouth as she tried to get by Merrick.

Merrick quickly jumped out of Kaysa's way as she bolted out of the booth. He stood to the side as she raced toward the restrooms, beating the back of his head against the wall as she sped away. He quickly started forward after her before he put his foot through something. He pulled up short when he realized Kaysa wouldn't be making it to the restroom.

Kaysa tried to avoid embarrassing herself in front of a club full of people, but the moment she fell to her knees and let loose a volley of stomach contents onto the floor, she realized her effort was in vain. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and moaned as she stared at the putrid mess she'd made, unable to move despite the smell. She simply sat there, rocking gently back and forth as she thought about how dejected Merrick would be feeling. After all, he had told her he loved her and her only response was to vomit in front of hundreds of complete strangers. Their day was turning out very well indeed.

Merrick stepped up behind Kaysa and knelt beside her. He put a hand on her back and rubbed gently as he leaned close enough so he could whisper quietly into her ear. "It's a good thing we didn't get that big breakfast. Come on, let's get back to the bathrooms so you can get cleaned up." He held out a hand to help her up, and used the other to make sure the dress didn't end up in the mess.

Kaysa blindly held out a quavering hand and gripped Merrick's as he helped pick her up off the ground. Kaysa leaned against Merrick, using him as a crutch as they made their way to the toilets with all heads turning to watch them. "I'm sorry, Merrick," Kaysa said weakly, once again her emotions getting the better of her and tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sorry..." she repeated in a shrill voice that finally gave out as she broke into a sob.

"It's okay," he said gently as they finally got out of the public eye. "It's gonna be okay." He opened the door marked with a symbol for women. He had one arm around her and the other smoothing her hair. "Can you manage in there on your own, or do you want me with you?"

Kaysa's sobs amplified as she clung to Merrick, unable to verbalize her response. If she went in alone, she didn't know if she'd have the courage to come out again and face him. Her entire body was trembling now and her eyes were burning from the tears as she pushed her way through the doors and pulled Merrick along, looking up at him and pleading with him not to abandon her.

Merrick followed, his hand in hers as they slipped through the door. He stayed close to her, touching her. He could see she needed that now. There was a short row of sinks with plenty of towels available. As they got there, Merrick turned on some water for Kaysa. He kept his eyes on her, watching. He knew he'd probably done the wrong thing by saying what he had, but he couldn't walk away; and she needed him now.

Kaysa splashed some water onto her face and rinsed the aftertaste from her mouth. Merrick's presence was the only thing keeping her from curling into a ball and hiding in one of the stalls. He hadn't said anything to sadden her, but his confession hit her harder than she expected it to. She took the towel from his hand and dried herself off, taking a deep breath as she finally turned to him and gave a gentle smile. "You think I'm emotionally unstable, don't you?"

Merrick gave her a smile, kissed her gently, and shook his head. "I think you've been hurt in the past, and what we're going through right now is very difficult. If that's what emotionally unstable is, then maybe you are. But, I don't think ill of you because of any of this. I think we're just in a spot right now that's churning up a lot of emotions we haven't wanted to face. But, I don't think there's anything wrong because of that."

"I just don't want you to take my reaction as a personal affront. Your admission just took me by surprise. I knew no other way to react but to regurgitate," Kaysa said with a laugh. "I guess you're waiting for another response, one other than a gag, right? I know how you feel and I guess you expect to know my feelings."

Merrick shook his head. "I don't expect," he said. "If you want to talk, that's fine, but I'm not expecting you to say anything. Just because I've told you that I'm falling for you doesn't mean that you have to say something back. It's okay." He kissed her gently again, a warm smile spreading across his face and glinting in his grey eyes.

Kaysa gave a short laugh and hopped onto the sink with her legs dangling off the edge. She cocked her head to the side as she stared up at Merrick. "You do know you just made things between us even more complicated," Kaysa said as she gently gripped Merrick's shirt and pulled him towards her. "You're too much of a romantic for your own good."

Merrick allowed himself to be pulled toward Kaysa. "I know," he said, "on both counts. And, I'm sorry for that, but I couldn't help it. The words, they just wouldn't stop coming out. If things weren't confusing enough as it is..."

"Well, we can't take it back now. It's done and we'll have to deal with whatever happens because of it." Kaysa pulled Merrick even closer until her arms were wrapped completely around him in an embrace. "Are we gonna stay here? I don't know if I've got enough nerve to go back out there after what happened."

Merrick slipped his arms around Kaysa and looked into her eyes. "It's okay," he said gently. "We don't have to go back out there. Did you want to find another club?"

Kaysa rested her head against Merrick's chest and closed her eyes, seeking solace in his embrace. "Well, if we can sneak back in without anyone noticing, I wouldn't mind staying," she replied. "Or we could stay here all day and just chat in one of those stalls."

Merrick kissed the top of her head as it rested against his chest. "Well, I don't mind either suggestion," he said. "I don't know how successful we'll be sneaking back in without being seen. You wanna go walk through that park I almost ran away in? It looked like a really nice park, and I think maybe some fresh New Plouton air will do us good." He watched her for a moment, losing himself in her eyes. "I'm not going to leave you, Kaysa. I know you're afraid that might happen, and I have the same fear. But, I can't leave you, not now. You've touched me in ways I've never been touched before, and I'm not talking about dinner last night." He gave her a smile. "But, in order to get rid of me, you're really gonna have to push hard. I know it's just words, and you've heard them before, but that's all I have...the words and my actions. And, I hope my actions will prove me out."

"I'm not trying to push you, Merrick, but sometimes I can't help myself. I get so scared that my only reaction is to lash out and drive you away." Kaysa reached up to kiss Merrick, but ended up giggling in his face as she remembered the night before and their close call at the restaurant. "And I certainly did touch you that night...in many ways," she added with a grin as she trailed her finger down his chest. "I think a walk in the park is just what we need. Wide, open spaces where we couldn't possibly get into trouble."

"Good," he said. "A nice long walk in the park, and then who knows what after that." He gave Kaysa a quick kiss and then helped her down from the counter on which she was sitting. "I think there's a back door we can slip out of, but I should take care of our drink tab before we run out."

"Good idea. We don't want the authorities after us for anything other than disturbing the peace or indecent exposure," Kaysa said with a laugh. "Go on and I'll be waiting for you. Just watch out for that blonde waitress!"

He gave her another kiss. "I'll be right back," he said and rushed back to pay for their drinks. It was only a couple moments before Merrick returned. "We're all set. Let's get out of here."

They left through the back door and Merrick led the way back to the park he'd found across from the clothing store. As they entered, hand in hand, they suddenly found themselves surrounded by lush greenery. It was a different feeling from the rest of New Plouton, mostly just buildings and streets. "It's nice in here," he said as they walked.

"It is. I don't think I've ever seen this place. I mean, I'm sure I've walked past it a few times, but I've never actually ventured inside." Kaysa's eyes were jumping back and forth across the landscape and her head spinning as she attempted to take in the beauty of the park in its entirety. "Oh! Flowers! Come on," she said suddenly as she tugged on Merrick's hand and pulled them both off the path and towards a flowerbed.

Merrick laughed as Kaysa led them across the large patch of grass toward the rows of multi-coloured flowers. The day was worth it to see her brighten the way she did. They got to the flowers and Merrick couldn't take his eyes off Kaysa. The flowers may have been very pretty, but Kaysa with the flowers was spectacular. He knew they'd have to come back here often. And, to see the relaxation and excitement he was seeing in Kaysa made it even better.

"You're staring at me," Kaysa said playfully to Merrick as she looked at him from the corner of her eye. She laughed quietly and pulled the bottom of her dress above her knees as she knelt down in the soft, damp soil. She turned her gaze back to the vibrant coloured flowers, cupping one gently in her palm and leaning over to smell its sweet fragrance. "I haven't smelled a real flower for ages," she said softly, brushing the gentle petals of the crimson-coloured flower against her lips.

"So often in this fast-paced Imperial life, people don't take time to enjoy the natural beauty of things. And, on most worlds, they just put buildings or roads over everything." He squatted down next to her and pulled out one of the flowers from the bush. He watched Kaysa for another moment, and then tucked the flower into her hair next to her ear. "Perfect," he said with a grin. "And, I was only staring because you were pretty amazing there. I wish I had a camera to take a picture of that, but the picture would hardly do the moment justice."

Kaysa felt her cheeks growing warm as she gently brushed her fingers over the flower in her hair. "You don't have to woo me, Merrick. I think you've already got your foot into the door, along with the rest of you," Kaysa said as she returned her gaze to the flowers and reached her hand in to pull out a luminous blue-coloured one, the trithin. "Shit!" Kaysa cursed as she quickly drew her hand away, watching as a bead of blood welled up from the cut in her finger. "Thorns. Perfect."

Merrick took Kaysa's hand into his and looked at the small puncture caused by the thorn. He wondered if the thorn was somehow symbolic, and at this time it would be a symbol he didn't really care for. He tore off a piece of his shirt, and dabbed at Kaysa's wound. "I guess we have to be very careful around the flowers." He gave her a sly smile and quickly put some of the more salacious thoughts he'd had in his mind away.

Kaysa laughed quietly and brought her finger to her lips as she sucked gently on it. "Shall we continue our walk?" she asked, pulling her finger away momentarily, but quickly returning it to her mouth as the blood began to well up again.

Merrick nodded. "Sure," he said and stood up. He offered Kaysa a hand and then pulled her up and into him. He brought another arm down around her waist to support her. He gave her a smile and let her go. "I have no idea what's farther in this place, so it's all a mysterious adventure."

"Like everything else we encounter," Kaysa shot back, immediately missing his touch as he removed his hands from her waist. "What are you doing to me, Merrick?" Kaysa asked, more a question for herself than one she expected him to answer. "I mean, you touch me and my entire body reacts. When you're not near me or your hands aren't on my body, a terrible pain, a longing just envelops me. It's almost physically unbearable at times...like now," she whispered, lowering her head as she focused on Merrick's hands with her breath becoming ragged. She wanted them around her, just for a while, just to keep her going for a moment longer. She thought she was strong enough to have a merely emotional relationship with him, one aside from the physical, but it was becoming apparent to her that she was becoming addicted to him, to his gentle touch.

The withdrawal she felt when they were apart was as powerful as one a glitterstim user would feel when their system began flushing out the drug. Merrick was her drug and she craved for his touch, hungered for it. Kaysa continued to stand there before him with her body swaying as if magnetically drawn to his, and her eyes closed as she braced for his touch once more. "Please...just touch me, Merrick. Anywhere...just a touch is all I need," she pleaded quietly as her body shivered.

Merrick put his arms around Kaysa and pulled her to him. He enjoyed the length of her body pressed against his. And, as she said, the touch definitely did affect him. Not only his arousal, but his breathing, his heartbeat, and just the way he felt. He felt more content when he was holding her, touching her. He held back from kissing her again, instead just opting to hold her as close to him as he could manage. He wished they could be together always, that they could never be apart. But, he knew that wouldn't be the case. He knew she would need to go, or he would. He wondered how he'd last with prolonged periods without Kaysa around; he knew he didn't like the thought. The thought of that made him want to hold her closer, to merge her body into his. "How's this?"

"Perfect," she replied in a barely audible whisper. Her heart actually slowed to a steady pace as she stood pressed against him. Being with him used to send her heart racing, but now it was the absence of his touch that set her heart into a panicked frenzy. A gentle smile graced her lips as she stood among the flowers with Merrick, together in one another's arms with time seeming to cease its far too rapid pace. He could never leave her if she clung to him, if she refused to release the embrace. "How is it that I could so easily fall in love with you Merrick, even though I keep telling myself not to?"

"I don't know," he whispered, "because the same thing happened to me. And, now I don't know what to do other than to love you, because I know I can't stop. It's funny how you reach a point where you just can't go back. I definitely know I reached that, and I can't go back. Where I was scared of it earlier, now I don't want to go back. It feels good to love someone again, it feels good to love you." He kept his arms around her, but his hands gently caressed her back as they stood. The thought of standing there as they were for the rest of time wouldn't be such a bad idea, or even standing there for a few more hours.

"Stop saying that," Kaysa whispered hastily as she wound her arms around Merrick tighter. "I don't think the gardener would appreciate me vomiting all over his flowers." Kaysa laughed quietly, but it was a nervous laugh, one she didn't want Merrick to pick up on. His professions of love were still shocking to her, even though she'd heard them before and even though she'd accepted it long before he'd even stated it. She'd heard the words before, from another, but she'd been too quick to believe him and paid dearly for it. She wanted desperately to believe that Merrick's love for her was real; if she gathered up enough courage to take a chance and allow him to love her, it would change her life completely, but she knew that change would be a long time coming. "What do we do now, Merrick? Just...stay here until the sun sets?"

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe we can go find a place for dinner, and then decide if we want to spend the night together again. And, whose place we'll be staying at if we do." He let his embrace relax slightly, but he kept his hands on her. "Are you hungry at all?"

"No, not hungry," Kaysa said dreamily as she pulled away from Merrick. She sighed deeply as she looked up into his eyes, seeing again in them something she'd seen the other night, something distinct yet fleeting. She'd ignored it the first time, but it appeared again for a moment and Kaysa was curious to know what it was. "Something...something about you has just been nagging me. It's nothing you've done or said it's just that sometimes, when I look at you, the light in your eyes just seems to go out. It happens even when you smile at me sometimes. I mean, the smile's there, but I can see a saddness behind it. You don't have to tell me what it is, but, I must admit, my inquisitive nature demands that I pursue the matter," Kaysa said, laughing gently.

"I've been in one relationship before, and things went very bad," he said. "I know the other night I told you I'd never had a serious girlfriend, but there was one. This one relationship. And, at this point, despite the good in it, I wish it never happened. I've tried to forget about it, to push it away and pretend it was all just a bad dream. And, there are times when I'm with you, and things are feeling great, memories surface from that time, and I guess the pain comes back with it. I think that's what you're seeing when that light goes away. It's a shadow that's haunted me for seven years, and I just can't seem to shake it loose."

"Wait a minute," Kaysa said, stepping completely away from Merrick. "You...you lied to me that first night?" she asked incredulously. "You lied to me? Were you trying to gain my trust by making me think I was the first one you'd thought about having a serious relationship with?" Kaysa felt her breath catching in her throat as everything seemed to come crashing down on her. This was the reason she feared giving him her trust, precisely why she hesitated to share her body with him. He'd lied to her and most likely about everything he'd ever told her. "You're a liar, Merrick. I was too infatuated with you to see that you were deceiving me just to get me into bed. I knew it. I knew it!" she hollered as she stormed out of the flowerbed. Her breathing became ragged and a piercing pain shot into her stomach.

Merrick stepped back away from Kaysa, his mind reeling. "I've spent the last seven years trying to forget that part of my life," he shouted after her. "I wasn't lying to deceive you. I was deceiving myself, running from my past." Merrick watched helplessly as Kaysa walked away from him. The reverse of earlier that day, but this time felt so much worse than that. He lurched after her, his legs fumbling with each step. And, now he would lose her for good. "Please Kaysa. Please believe me. That's the only thing, that's it. Please believe me that I wasn't trying to deceive you or hurt you."

Kaysa wrapped her arms tightly around herself as a chill swept through her body. She'd almost let herself trust Merrick, and was ready to love him, but she was surprisingly not disappointed to discover that he too had lied to her like so many others. "You still lied Merrick!" she hollered back, not turning around, not daring to look into his eyes. She knew one look at his face and her resolve would crumbled, causing her to once again rush into his arms and begin the cycle anew. They would fight, make up, then she would find out about another lie he'd told her and it would start all over again. "Rather than lie, you should have said nothing! You knew I had trouble trusting, yet you went and told me lies anyway. You may have thought by sharing those lies with me, you would gain that trust I so heavily guard, and I'm disgusted with myself to say that you did, but I'm not falling for it again, you bastard!"

Kaysa stopped and turned around quickly, staring at Merrick fiercely. She was forcing back the tears, for tears would only admit to him that he truly had meant something to her, that she cared for him, but she wouldn't give him that satisfaction. "Sharing a lie with me was just the same as sharing absolutely nothing about yourself. I would have much preferred knowing nothing about Merrick Braston than falling in love with a liar."

"Would you rather know that Merrick Braston is a killer? A cold-blooded murderer who killed the woman that left him? Would you rather know that? Would you rather trust that man? Dammit! I've spent seven years trying to forget that relationship and what it turned me into. I guess it's over and done for good this time. I told you I wouldn't leave you again, but I see you would rather I did leave." He could feel his voice cracking, the pressure of his admission and the flood of memories pressing down on him. He turned and started in the other direction. He tried to surreptitiously wipe the tears that'd formed away, but kept himself moving. He cursed himself repeatedly as he forced his legs to carry him forward.

Kaysa felt the blood within her chill as she realized the man she had let hold her, the man she had let sleep in her bed was a murderer. Kaysa became aware that the entire garden was deserted and that Merrick was still in close proximity to her. Her heart was beating arrhythmically in her chest and her breath was coming short and ragged as the fear rose within her. She was too afraid to move, thinking even the slightest shift in the wind, the softest sound would grab his attention, draw it back towards her at which time he would deflect all his bottled up rage and violent impulses at her. If she didn't turn and run though, he could easily turn around and with two strides of his long legs, he could be on top of her, smothering the life out of her.

Kaysa's survival instincts kicked in and she began slowly walking backwards, staring at Merrick and keeping herself ready to run and scream if he made the oddest movement. How she could love and be afraid of him at the same time, baffled Kaysa. The fact that he lied no longer bothered her; she now preferred the lie to the horrifying truth.

Kaysa turned around and began walking away, glancing swiftly back in case Merrick decided to sneak up behind her. She heard herself whimpering quietly as she desperately tried to put as much distance between herself and Merrick as she could. She could see the gates leading out onto the street approaching, but her legs felt like weights and she became frantic as the exit seemed still too far out of reach.

Kaysa abandonned the stealthy getaway she had opted for originally and, instead, pumped her legs as fast as they would go and sprinted out of the garden. She had escaped Merrick for now, but he knew where she lived, knew everything he needed to know about her to track her. If he wanted to, he could get to her, that fact causing the chill in her blood to seep into her bones.

Merrick continued moving, his walking quickly turning into a run. His heart thundered in his chest as he raced toward his apartment. It took him only five minutes to get there, and by the time he did he was exhausted and out of breath. He tried three times to punch his code in to open the door before it finally took.

The comm-system was blinking with messages, but he didn't care. He couldn't stop the sobs wracking his body. He moved to the bar and quickly poured himself a drink. He took the first two out of the glass, and after that just decided to drink straight from the bottle. Halfway through the second, the crying had stopped.

In the comm, he tapped in the code for the White Noise.

"White Noise," the voice on the other end answered. "This is Chrik."

"Chrik," Merrick slurred. "It's Braston."

"Merrick, have you been drinking?"

"I'm on my second bottle right now, but shut the fuck up. Cancel all my gigs until you hear from me."

"What? C'mon, Merrick. Maybe we should talk about this when you're sober."

"I made this fucking decision when I was sober, dammit. I couldn't place this damn call 'til I was wasted. Now cancel 'em. And, if anyone comes over here, I've got a repeating blaster rifle, and I'll use it on anyone bothering me. Got it?"

"Yeah," Chrik said, hesitation in his voice. "I'll call you in the morning, alright."

"Do whatever you want. I don't care anymore." He hit the disconnect, picked up the bottle and moved to the couch. He felt the amber liquid slosh over his arm as he dropped into the cushions, but didn't care anymore. What was the point? He took a long pull and lay back. The tears returned as his mind went back to the park, and Kaysa.

The bottle shattered against the far wall as Merrick rolled over, sobbing into the fabric of the couch.

---

"Deceptions of the Heart"
By: Kaysa Zenarr
and Vrax [NPC]

Location: New Plouton and Kaysa's Apartment
Date: Saris 26, 3ABY

***

Kaysa continued running, even though she had put almost fifteen minutes between herself and the garden. A voice in her head told her to keep going, that Merrick was still close behind. She was afraid to look back, expecting him to be there with arms outstretched, ready to wrap his fingers around her throat. She blinked rapidly as the wind whipped against her face. It burned her eyes and added more tears to those induced by the fear and agony spurred by her encounter with Merrick. She found herself in the heart of New Plouton, weaving through the dwindling crowds of people.

Night was falling and Kaysa was alone with Merrick nowhere in sight. She would have felt better if she knew where he was; better than having him lurking in the shadows, watching and waiting until he had her alone. Yet, he had had her alone, twice. They'd shared the same bed, opened up to each other; she'd been vulnerable on more than one occasion with him present, yet she had always felt safe with him. Never once had she seen that violent glint in his eyes, not like the one she'd seen in the Grith'let's eyes the night he knocked Merrick around in the bar. Merrick had barely put up a fight then. But the fact remained that he had killed and what made it worse was that it had been a woman he loved.

Kaysa couldn't shake the thoughts darting around in her head, the ones that whispered in her ear and told her she was now the woman he loved. And, that meant she might meet the same fate as Merrick's other love.

Kaysa's sobs grew louder as darkness descended and she ran alone in the streets. Her eyes were so glossed over with tears that every person appeared as phantasmic, ghastly apparitions, the sight of whom only served to heighten her fear. Merrick could have been moving among them, blending in with them as he edged, undetected, closer and closer until...

"Kaysa."

Kaysa gave a blood curdling scream as the gruff voice whispered her name from behind. The word, her name, was seemingly carried in by the wind and then disappeared just as quickly. A hand closed around her arm and spun her around, sending her hair whipping at her face and more tears streaming down her cheeks. She tried to pull away as she clawed at the hand, a man's hand. She dropped to the pavement kicking and screaming, struggling to break free.

"No, Merrick!" she cried out as a form loomed over her. It grabbed her other arm and shook her as she laid helpless on the ground.

"Kaysa! Kaysa, dammit! It's Vrax!" He knelt to the ground, holding her by the arms before pulling her into an embrace. Her screams died down, but the sobs only grew louder.

Kaysa recognized Vrax's voice, his distinct scent, and her fear began to subside while she desperately clung to him. They sat on the cold, hard ground with her crying on his shoulder. She wanted to shrink away and be shrouded over by the darkness. But she was in Vrax's arms now, and he always protected her, just as he would now, from Merrick. "Vrax..." Kaysa croaked as her throat constricted.

"Don't worry, Kayse. Let's go home. I'll take care of you," he whispered into her ear as he helped her off the ground, still holding her against him.

Kaysa buried her face into his chest and the sound of her choked cries were muffled now, but still audible. Vrax held onto Kaysa, half-carrying her as her legs refused to cooperate and her feet dragged along the ground. He wrapped his arms around Kaysa's waist, lifting her feet from the street and carried her away as she wound her arms tightly around his neck. Many of the passersby merely glanced at the two, scoffing in disgust at having been disturbed during their evening stroll; others simply ignored the commotion and walked on as if their ears hadn't even processed Kaysa's screams.

Vrax tried to soothe Kaysa by whispering gently in her ear, telling her she was safe in his arms. The longer Vrax held her the more she calmed, but her body was still wracked with tremulous sobs. He carried Kaysa through all of New Plouton, straight into the Yallder district without setting her down once. His arms were completely numb with only the lingering burn of exertion in his muscles. But, he wasn't going to let her go no matter how tired he was. He'd made a pact to himself never to let anything happen to her and never to abandon her; now, he was only performing his sworn duty to her, but he did it willingly.

Vrax entered the apartment complex with Kaysa still in his grasp. He released his one hand from her momentarily to punch in the code to her doorlock. Kaysa was too devastated to even question as to how Vrax had managed to get the code to her door, nor did she care at that point. All she wanted was to curl up on her bed and hide, which she did as soon as Vrax set her down.

Kaysa lay weeping on the bed as Vrax moved to her minibar and poured her a drink before returning to her side. "You'll have to sit up, Kaysa. Come on," he said gently. He helped prop her up against the headboard and wrapped her fingers around the glass. The liquid spilled over the brim of the glass as she tried to raise it to her lips with trembling hands; Vrax covered her hand with his and helped steady the glass so she could drink. The liquid ran down her chin as she only managed to swallow a small sip before she broke into another fit of crying.

"Kaysa, stop this. Talk to me and tell me what happened," Vrax said as he sat down on the bed and held her hand firmly.

"How did you find me?" Kaysa asked in a shaky voice as she took another sip of her drink.

Vrax smiled gently and answered plainly, "I followed you. I've been following you for years, Kaysa. You must have known that."

Kaysa was too surprised to cry and merely stared at Vrax in awe, shaking her head slowly. "I...I had no idea," she whispered, moving her eyes back to her drink and looking into the yellow liquid.

"Well, I can't exactly have you wandering around unescorted. So, when you first hired me I decided that following you and making sure you were safe would be a perfect way to spend my days and nights. Without you, there is no Zenarr Inc., and without Zenarr Inc., I'm flat broke," Vrax said with a laugh.

Kaysa smiled wanly and set her drink aside as she glanced back up at Vrax and asked quietly, "Why? Why do you really do it?"

Vrax gazed into Kaysa's deep, brown eyes and simply gave her a knowing smile. He chuckled quietly as he gently patted her on the knee, then rosed from the bed and made his way towards the minibar. "Now I need a drink," he mumbled as he reached for a new glass.

Kaysa brought her own glass to her lips and swallowed back the rest of her drink. She was slowly regaining her composure, but she still trembled uncontrollably. Vrax's smile spoke more than words ever could, said things to her that men had professed to her before, but which had always seemed so ungenuine. For once, a man loved her, one who was always at her side and protected her, yet she was too shallow to love him back. He was physically unappealing to her, but his love for her was so great he would kill for her. It was just the kind of love she had searched for in a man, one she thought she'd found in Merrick until she learned he really had killed, a reality that was far too shocking for her.

Kaysa felt herself suddenly so weighed down by her corporeal form, so very aware of how confined she was by her physical needs. She wished she could break free of her mortal shell and transcend the more tangible aspects of love. Without the trappings of her mortality she would be free to seek out the spiritual and emotional fulfillment of true love. Yet, she had, for far too long, equated the physical elements of desire and lust -- how her body reacted when she set her eyes upon a handsome man -- with falling in love. And, in the end, all it ever got her was a pale imitation of what she truly yearned for.

Vrax loved her unconditionally, but she knew she could never love him back. That she felt no attraction toward him had already marred her judgement, had already forced her mind closed to the remotest possibility of loving him. She had long ago ascribed love to mere physical attraction and her mind was now programmed to seek out only men who appealed to those base desires and lusts in her pursuit of love. She knew it was foolish to reject a man solely based on his physical appearance. But she was only human, a human driven by a need to sate the throbbing in her groin while she let love slip through her fingers.

"So, who was that man?" Vrax asked as he approached the bed and sat back down. "What did he do to you?"

Kaysa looked up at Vrax, the trembling becoming worse as she returned in her mind to the park, to her conversation with Merrick. She suddenly felt so cold again and began choking up as she put down her glass. "He...he was just some guy. I don't wanna talk about it, Vrax," she said quietly as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand.

"Kaysa, you were scared shitless when I caught up to you tonight. You screamed out someone's name. Was it his? Is he Merrick?" Vrax asked firmly. His eyes were locked on her face, inspecting her expression so he could catch her in the lie he knew she would use to evade the truth.

"I said forget it, Vrax," Kaysa shot back. The words were less intimidating with her hoarse, emotion-wracked voice than they had sounded in her mind.

"I won't forget it, Kaysa. If he hurt you..."

"He didn't hurt me! He...he just said some things that scared me a bit," she interjected. She closed her eyes as she went over Merrick's entire confession. "He's a murderer, Vrax," she whispered, not realizing she'd uttered the words until she caught the flash of surprise in Vrax's expression when she opened her eyes. "Look, Vrax, he didn't lay a finger on me!" she added hurriedly as Vrax rose quickly to his feet and stepped away from the bed.

"I am not letting you out of my sight, Kayse and I swear, if he comes within 100 parsecs of you, I'll kill him," he spat, his face red and his eyes cold and vacant.

Kaysa managed to get to her feet. She rushed up to Vrax, grabbed him by the arms and looked up at him piteously. "Please, Vrax, just forget it. He won't be coming near me anymore. It's over for good, I swear to you, Vrax."

"Dammit Kaysa!" Vrax shouted. He tore her hands from his arms and gripped her wrists as he shook her wildly. "Why do you do things that stupid!? Why do you bring home strange men, take them into your bedroom where I'm unable to protect you!? I can't keep you safe if you continue to sleep around with men you pick up in bars! Kaysa, stop this!" His voice held no rage as he hollered in her face. His tone was pleading and his eyes held a sadness in them. "Dammit, Kayse. You know I love you to death and it kills me to see you self destructing like this. Just...just stop," he said as his voice softened and he loosened his grip on her.

Kaysa began weeping again as she fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around his legs. She hugged herself against him desperately and clung to the loose fabric of his pants. "I'm sorry, Vrax," she managed to squeak out despite the sobs enveloping her voice. "But he was different, he wasn't like the others. He loved me and I believed it. I was stupid! He lied to me, that bastard! And I fell for it too... Vrax, I don't know if I can go on...please," she said frantically, reaching up with her arms and grabbing at his shirt, "please help me just end it, Vrax. I won't blame you, in fact, you'd be doing me a favour. Please, Vrax--"

"No, Kaysa! You're tired and you're depressed. Don't be stupid!" he yelled back. He pushed her arms away from him and cradled her face in his hands. "Listen to me, Kayse," he said softly as he leaned over and peered into her eyes. "I am not letting you get outta this that easily. You think because you fall for some guy who ends up breaking your heart that you can just give up? You chose him Kayse so don't come crying on my shoulder because he turned out to be a jerk like Cadwin was."

Kaysa grunted and pulled away from Vrax. She staggered to her feet as she glared at him. "Cadwin fucked me, used me then tossed me aside. Merrick wasn't like that!"

"He's a murderer Kaysa! You said it yourself and now you're tearing yourself up over the fact that he turned his back on you? You should be glad that he didn't slit your throat!" Vrax spat as Kaysa moved to the minibar and poured herself another drink.

"He never once laid a finger on me, Vrax and he never gave me reason to believe he would, so don't talk about him like you know him." Kaysa stood at the minibar and tossed back the drink, slamming down the glass as she turned to face Vrax. "Besides, none of it matters anymore. He's gone and I doubt I'll see him again."

Vrax moved closer to the window to look down into the courtyard below Kaysa's apartment. "And, what makes you so sure of that? Once a murderer, always a murderer. What makes you so sure he's not gonna come after you?"

Kaysa's mouth hung open in an attempt to answer. He'd killed the woman he loved before and she had no reason to believe now would be any different. Kaysa gave a bitter laugh as started towards the bed and sat down. "I'm not sure. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Right now, I don't really care. This may sound insane, Vrax, but if he does come after me, at least I'll get to see him one last time."

It was Vrax' turn to let his mouth hang open. "You actually want to see him again? After what he could have done to you?" He shook his head and moved to sit next to her. "It does sound very insane. You're better off without that one. If he kills you, that puts me out of a job. And, it's going to be hard to learn to work for a new boss after working for the best in the galaxy. C'mon, Kayse, you're better off without him. Just forget about him."

"I can't, Vrax. Would you so easily be able to forget about me?" she asked cooly, turning her gaze to him and a satisfied smile curling her lips.

Vrax looked away and shook his head. "You know I couldn't," he said, "but that's because I love you. You're not telling me that you love this guy? This Merrick the Murderer?"

"Call him that again and I'll slit your throat myself," Kaysa shot back. Her voice was eerily calm despite the sudden rage she felt. "It's none of your business who I choose to love, if I love this man at all. I haven't kept you around this long because I value your advice, Vrax. You're here because I need some muscle around to take care of people who impede the smooth operation of Zenarr Inc."

Vrax found himself moving back away from Kaysa at her threat. He nodded once and shifted his gaze away. He knew immediately at her words that he'd hate this Merrick person, hate him with a passion. He couldn't remember a time when Kayse had gotten so emotionally wrapped up in a man. And, with that look in her eyes, he knew that Merrick was a threat. "Speaking of the smooth operation of Zenarr Inc," he said after a moment, "have you worked anymore on that other project you had going? Rennor? How are things looking there?"

Kaysa sighed deeply and brought her knees up against her chest, making herself as small as she could manage. "There is no project anymore. It's over. For some odd reason, Vrax, my heart just isn't in it anymore. I've kinda got more important things to think about right now," she quipped rather curtly.

"Whoa." Vrax moved back forward shaking his head. "Kayse, this was the big score. This guy has all the money, remember? Zenarr, Inc. doesn't have any. We need this guy. You need to get him to give us his money. You're the only one that can do this. You can't bail out on this now, Kaysa. You've got to do what it takes to get that man to give you his money."

"What's the point, Vrax? Zenarr Inc.'s got a modest income and we've been doing fine with the amount of money we've been making. We aren't in dire straits so we don't have to go through with it anymore," she said. "Besides, I just don't think I can handle this right now."

Vrax moved even closer to Kaysa. "I wasn't going to say anything before, but I feel I must now. The other day when...she called, I heard a little of the message." He waited until she turned her head slightly in his direction before continuing. "It appears that Keeve is not doing well. She thinks he may need another operation. And, she thinks this one will be much more expensive than the last." He shifted slightly closer, his lips close to her ear. "You need to do this, Kaysa," he whispered. "If not for Zenarr Inc., then for your son. Keeve needs that money, Kayse, and you're the only one who can get it for him."

Kaysa dispelled a sharp breath as if a weight had suddenly borne itself down upon her chest. She knew something was wrong when her mother's calls became more frequent, but she never expected this. "The doctors...I thought they said he was alright now," Kaysa mumbled as she stared vacantly across the room. "What do I do, Vrax?"

"You have to get the money, Kayse," he said. "You've got to make him give you that money. You've done it before. It's just like riding a swoop. You should go to him, and woo him. He'll give you that money. Whatever it takes to get it from him, that's what you have to do."

"I don't know if I can," Kaysa whispered as she placed her face into her hands. "Everything's so different now. I...I don't wanna hurt him. I don't wanna hurt anyone anymore." No matter how hard she tried, and no matter how guilty she felt about it, Kaysa's mind wasn't on her son, the little boy she cherished, but the sight of whom tortured her to no end. She was now thinking only of Merrick and the grave, devastated look on his face when he turned his back on her for the last time in the park. The almost physical torment he was experiencing at that moment eclipsed the radiance of his once ashen, gray eyes, the light completely gone from them as the darkness obscured it. She had caused that, she had broken his spirit.

She had conned men out of their money before, but she never had stayed around long enough to see the effects her actions had on their lives. It was apparent she had the ability to completely destroy a person as she had Merrick; if the pain he was feeling was as agonizing as that which was gnawing at her heart, then it was not something she would want to subject anyone else to. She didn't love Rennor, but he still didn't deserve to be tortured the way she knew she was capable of torturing another being.

"How long do I have to decide?" Kaysa asked, slowly letting her hands fall away from her face. "How...how bad is he?"

Vrax looked down at his hands, wringing them slightly before he looked up again. "A month, two at most before the situation is critical." He knew he was pushing her into the arms of another man, something he was loath to do in any circumstance. But, Kaysa's spirit had been broken, and without her all the money would go away. He needed her to do this. Besides, she didn't love Rennor, and there would be no risk of losing her to him. He would endure the knowledge she would be having sex with the man as he had done so many times. He only wished the pain would lessen, that a numbing would take hold of him. But, it never did. Every time he knew she was with another man, it hurt a little more. But, he would endure it again out of his love for her; it was all he could do. "This is the right thing, Kayse."

"I know," she said, realizing she'd only spoken the words in her mind. Her son was dying, suffering a pain far greater than any of the men she'd ever hurt were forced to endure. The operation would ease his physical torment and ease the guilt that perpetuated everyday she woke up knowing she had abandoned her own child. It wasn't his fault his mother was a coward, and she refused to crucify him; it was the only way to salvage the last lingering thread of decency left in her. It was too late to save herself now, but at least her son would have a chance to live and grow to become a better person than his mother ever could be.

"I'll go to him tomorrow," Kaysa finally said, her voice monotone and sticking in her throat like dead weight. "I'll get the creds and don't worry," she added, turning her steely gaze to Vrax as a scowl flashed across her face, "you'll be paid well for your services. You've performed your duty to me very well, far better than I could ever have imagined."

The look in Kaysa's eyes sent a shiver down Vrax's spine. He felt himself sit up straighter under her gaze. "I have only done what was needed of me, for Zenarr Inc., and for you." He forced himself to meet her eyes. "You know I only do this because I love you."

"I'm beginning to wonder exactly what your definition of love is." Kaysa planted her feet on the ground and rose from the bed, holding Vrax's gaze as the sadness and fear were completely washed away by her tears. They were replaced now by a fierce determination and a sudden loathing of the man she had come to trust and rely upon. "Does it include following me, watching my every move, checking my private messages? Don't you dare stand there for one moment and tell me you're doing this for me. You know you've got a large stake in this man's money if I succeed, and believe me, I shall succeed."

Kaysa closed the gap between them, standing practically on top of Vrax as she glared at him and smiled ferally. "I've taught you well, haven't I? You're just as devious and deceptive as I ever was, more so now. I guess I should be flattered that you think so highly of me that you would choose to follow in my footsteps. But the sad part is, you'll forever live in my shadow, blotted out by it like the insignificant bastard you are. I could never love you. You represent everything in me that I despise." Kaysa sighed deeply, a contented smile replacing the malevolent one Vrax had forced onto her face. "Leave me now," she said, her tone condescending as she shooed him away with her hands.

Vrax's first impulse was to argue, to tell her he did what he did out of love for her. She was everything to him, and she had to know that. But, he could see that to press the argument further would be bad. She'd spoken her mind, and his presence was no longer needed. But, there would be another time to smooth the wrinkles of the night. He bowed slightly from the waist and turned toward the door. He stopped, framed in the doorway, and glanced back. "Rest well, Kaysa, and don't worry about Merrick. As you said, he probably won't be back again." With the seed planted once again, he turned. He would make her need him again, and he would use Merrick to do that.

"And as we all know, Kaysa Zenarr is never wrong," she said quietly to herself as she watched the door of her room slide closed behind Vrax.

Her entire world was suddenly spinning out of control and her past was quickly catching up to her. She'd spent years trying to forget that part of her life, but the moment she saw Merrick on that stage, everything she'd been running from started to come into focus. It was as if the light beaming from his eyes shone like a spotlight onto the darkest recesses of her mind, that part of her that had harboured her secret for so long. That alone is what made him so special, for he managed to weaken her defenses enough to let even a tiny beam of his light to warm her heart.

Kaysa slowly made her way to the other side of her room and began peering out of the window. She pressed her hand against the pane of glass and focused her mind on Merrick's face as she tried somehow to sense him, to sense where he was and what he was doing. She wanted somehow to be able to reach into the darkness and pull him out, back into her arms. As the gentle light of the moon splashed across her face, she turned to memories of him to keep herself from suddenly missing him.

The soft glow of the silvery moon sent a pang of grief through her, a sensation so real that she placed her hand over her heart to try and stop the pain. It was the same luminescent glow that she saw in Merrick's eyes every time he smiled down at her, every time he laughed. A low, droning sound resounded in the room as Kaysa's hand trailed down the pane of glass while she crumpled into a sobbing heap on the ground.

She'd run away from Merrick in the park not because she was scared of what he'd done, but because he'd opened up to her completely. She wasn't ready to do the same, which would have driven Merrick away at any rate. If that happened, she'd have no one but herself to blame for it, adding to the pile of already mounting regrets she'd acquired in her short life. She'd run away because her inability to open up to him would inevitably have driven him away. But, if she ran out on him first, at least she wouldn't have to deal with the rejection, the pain of being abandoned again.

Pushing Merrick away was the only selfless act Kaysa had ever performed in her life. She'd saved him from having to endure the torment, the frustration of being with a woman bereft of the ability to trust. Above all else, she'd driven Merrick away before he could run out on her and give her a reason to hate him. She loved Merrick and never wanted to feel such a bitter hatred towards him. In order to love him, she had to turn her back on him; she knew it was right and had to be done.

"If so, then why does it hurt so damn much?" she whispered to herself as she wrapped her arms tightly around her and rocked gently on the floor. She freed Merrick from having to live with a woman who would always be a stranger to him, one who wouldn't even give him her body let alone share her soul. It would have been a cruel fate and one he didn't deserve, yet she still pined for him. She wouldn't go after him; she would have to let him go for his sake. She only hoped the tears he wept wouldn't sting as badly as the ones streaming down her face did.

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